Advice part 2

[bluetwo]

Hi, I have gotten over a break-up of four months ago, but I am in turmoil over the nature of the breakdown, In a nutshell my ex girlfriend broke up me because I think she fell out of love/fondness for me because she doubted my commitment.. she was right from the start i doubted within myself my commitment to her mainly because of my fondness to the single life, ye I carried on the relationship for 11 months with occasional feelings of guilt during the period, particulartly when her friends told me she was mad about me and when she showered me with gifts for my Birthday..Friends close to me adviced that I would fall into it and forget about the single life, but her doubts surfaced after 9 months or so (we were a weekend couple), I suppose body language and lack of action and initiative on my behalf were the clues for her I also occasionally thought about breaking up with her during the 11 months but didn't want to hurt her and for selfish reason I badly wanted to fall for her, after a number of these infractions suspicion grew in her mind, by the way she is the smart independent type.

It came to a head on a holiday together when she distanced herself from me, after the holiday we broke-up..

I am very fond of her as a person I would love to talk to her to clear the air and ease my conscience, but after Four Months, ringing her for a chat and a possible meet up seems maybe the wrong thing to do.. But for me its Closure, I would love to tell her I think the world her as a human being and accept we are not couple material, Should I let sleeping dogs lie or should I initiate contact afte 4 months?

[evening_light]

Your "ego" took a hit here...and now your upset because she broke off with you first....

 

From what I'm reading, it seems you were never serious with her, wanted the single life plus fringe benefits on the side...

 

I'd say, forget about her for now, what would you say in your letter that would convince her of your words...

[bluetwo]

On the button evening light! my ego took a hit alright! thats why I feel contact would be selfish in a way, but I'd like to tell what a great friend she was to me..and I suppose she never fully disclosed why she turned away from me, in a way its closure for me and an apology to her!

 

By the way not in a letter, but a friendly call followed by a meet up.. but initiating seems is a hurdle I am a little scared off at the moment..

[evening_light]

Why would you apologise to her at this stage...she was a good friend, let it be...

 

What you are doing is instigating an apology to her, in response of an answer of why she left you....I still sense some resentment...

[bluetwo]

Yes but Closure is a great thing for peace of mind too, helps you move on with your live, being trapped with a bad conscience is bad energy to carry around each and everyday, a truthful and candid chat (after initial open ended general chat of course) to her the only person in the world I could express these repressed feelings in me, would be a massive load of my mind. In other words if I don't think of her as an ex-gitlfriend I am trying to get back but a person whose friendship I valued and would like her to know same.