I'm back and hanging in there

[samross]

I posted the other day that I wouldn't do any more posts because I was so down on myself. I was wrong about that and I was wrong about my friend. We had practice last night and my ex talked to me for quite a while. She seemed to pay more attention to me than him. I guess I am paranoid. I brought her some beef jery and that seemed to break the ice. So to all of you out there trying to figure out how to get back to first base with your ex - - beef jerky. Trust me. Seriously, I don't know if I'll ever be able to get back with her but it seems like if there's a path to take to get there maybe I'm on the right one. I left just by saying goodby and it is getting a little easier. I still cry once in a while but I feel it's more my depression than anything else. I hope I'm welcome back to this forum. It has helped more than you all can imagine.

[anggrace]

I dont know your history... but of coarse you are welcome back!!! We have all made mistakes! I posted a few weeks ago talking about how I put my foot down with my ex and got tremendous support! Well, now Im talking to him again. This sight is to talk about how you feel. There is no right and wrong. So welcome back.

[robowarrior]

Don't make your heart a murder hole, come here to vent every now and then.This because your anonymous here,so there's no need for embarresment in posting.

[ruby19]

I've ranted and posted all sorts of ridiculous stuff and no one has made me feel bad. This is the place for it. We're all here for each other

[samross]

Thanks to all of you. Should I repost my situation and keep it under this one posting? It sounds like some aren't familiar with my situation. I think I made the mistake of starting too many different postings and I think sometimes people didn't know what I was talking about.

[truevox]

Um, I hate to sound lazy, but I'd appreicate it if you could repost. I wanna know what happened to you. You've been so helpful to me, I want to know what you're going through.

 

 

If that's ok, that is.

[Ellie2006]

Hey there Samross,

Welcome back!

Like Robowarrior said, no need to feel bad about anything you posted here ... This is such a great place to vent, vent away!

 

It MUST be hard to break up and then have to see your ex on a regular basis ... Yes, do hang in there!

 

And you know we're here to support you, right?

 

Take care of yourself.

[samross]

Here is my original post:

 

I've been miserable now for two months. Our relationship ended after two years. She said the infamous line "I love you but I'm not in love with you...". We play in a rock band together. She and I have written beautiful music together. About a year ago I couldn't make a commitment to her and had to let go. She struggled with it terribly but we continued on with the band. A couple of months ago it hit me like a ton of brick that I still loved her more than anything so I told her. I've always believed actions are louder than words. When I told her her eyes lit up. I told her she didn't have to say anything. The following week at band practice she was very cool and detached, like she had thought about it and decided it wasn't what she wanted, or maybe she was afraid I'd let her down again. She is very extroverted and I'm the opposite. I began pursuing her again and she indicated that she wanted us to be friends and that she had moved on. She claimed she is seeing someone else but I know she isn't. Over the past month at practice I've sat there in a incredibly depressed mood and basically have been miserable. When I go into my depressed quiet mode she completely ignores me even to the point of flirting with the other guys in the band. They all know the situation and there isn't anything going on between her and them but it tears me up and I feel like she's paying me back for letting her down. I want her back so badly but I realize I needed to let go. Saturday night we had a gig and at first she and I got along great but she stuck to her guns and wouldn't let herself be alone with me. I started getting down. The more down I got the more she isolated herself from me. I moved to the other side of the room where we were playing and the guys tried to get me to come over and sit with her and them but I couldn't. I was so miserable and she seemed to be fione laughing and carrying on with them over on the other side of the room. Every once in a while she would look over at me. We had an hour drive home together in a van and she never said anything to me. I was so depressed that when we got back home I told the guys this was my last night. I told them I needed to let go. She didn't say anything. I told her that I had something for her and gave her back all of the CD's she had given me over the past year of so. I told her goodbye. I realize I burned a bridge but my sister agrees with the NC approach and I'm tired of getting my heart ripped out every time I see her. What should I do?

 

The latest:

The band asked me to come back after I quit. The first night was rough but she was frinedly. Each time has gotten a little easier. We get together twice a week and practice. The last time she & I actually talked for quite a while. Not about us but about our mom's. Her mom and my mom have turned out to be soul-mates. I'm trying to let go and move on and it is hard.

 

I still love her. When I see her I want to hold her and tell her how much I love her but I know I can't. I've been succseeful with the NC as far as emails & phone calls. Going on 3 weeks now. Over the past weeks I've been up & down the rollercoaster but things seem to be getting better.

[truevox]

Wow. I totally feel for you, Samross. As you know, I have no advice to offer, but hey, at least there's more then one in our boat!

 

I'm glad you decided to come back, though. I'm too new to know you from the first time, but you're a rock, and it's nice to have you around.

 

Maybe I'm blind, and just missed this, but how old are you two?

[samross]

Older than dirt. Both of us.

[truevox]

Then I'm certainly lost. You are both way past the point I'm at in my life. That said, I hope for the best for you, and even though I can't offer advice, I can be an ear, and that's something.

 

Keep us posted!

[samross]

How are you lost? We may both be way past the point in life where you are but feelings are still feelings. No matter what age you are love always feels the same. Love makes you feel like you're 20 again and love can make you feel 90. You'd be surprised at what advice you can give someone. Age is supposed to bring maturity and experience but when it comes to relationships even a child can say something that suddenly makes everything all clear. Some learn from mistakes made and move on to much better relationships. Others repeat the mistakes over and over. At the time you just can't see it but later you look back and realize why the pain was good for you.

[truevox]

I suppose you do have a point, Samross. I'll think on that a while, and see if I can come up with something useful for you. You're certainly worth the effort.

[samross]

Thank you very much. Helping you helps me.

[samross]

CLOSE ENCOUNTER #3

 

Saw her again last night at practice. She was much friendlier last night. It seems like it gets better each week. We carried fire wood together into the building where we practice and we talked for quite a while. We shared some bad news about someone we knew at a Christian club where we play. The girl was a college student and she and her 14 year-old brother were killed in a fire near the college where the club is. My ex looked at me for the longest time. I could tell whatever coldness she has displayed previously is just part of her shell. It's starting to feel like old times. We actually hugged for the first time in months. She was giving me complements again and that really boosted me. I surprised her and myself. I just left with a smile and didn't linger around. I felt pretty good on the way home.