olena Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 Hi guys, I wrote here before...I have been with my partner for 6 1/2 years living together for 4.... He needs space - he needs to find him self as he previously detatched from him self, and loved me in that way...He loves me but does not want to lose me, but wants to be alone, and live his life with his friends...But he does not want to lose me for ever...he would like to be with me again, when he feels happy with him self.... I am moving out this weekend...My heart is broken...I feel betrayed and cheated, but he canot see it since his definition of betrayal is totally different and involves chating...I had dreams and hopes from this relationship and now he's turned them all into a VERY BIG DISAPPOINTMENT.... I am moving in temporarily with a friend of mine....for a few months until I get my self together and look for another flat...I have not said anything to him....probably he will find out when I move out.... As if he is going to remember me in 3-4 years time when he's lived his life and is finally happy with him self...why can't he just say, that he can not love me any more instead of messing me up...how can you love someone and not want them to be part of your life for the next 2-3 years? Is this love? Because I loved differentely. I was supportive.... I met a person who was totally lost and 6 years, messed up his studies and helped him...held his hand through his studies, through his job, through EVERYTHING....and now I must let him run and 'live his life' without ME.... IS THIS LOVE? And in the meantime I am being asked to walk away from my life and my dreams.... olena... Link to comment
jengh Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 aww, i'm sorry about your breakup I'm going through a nasty one right now too. Moving out is going to be one of the hardest things you've ever done, I think. But I'm sure you're a strong woman and will get through this coming out even stronger. Remember, no man is worth your tears and the one who is won't make you cry. Link to comment
olena Posted January 24, 2007 Author Share Posted January 24, 2007 I left work earlier today...I wondered around the streets of London with my head full of thoughts and my eyes full of tears... I came back home and he is still at work...I started packing and throwing away old cloths and things... I feel that my life is all put into a suitcase and that soon I will pick it up and leave...I wrote a short note this morning that I will leave for him on the day that I leave... Saying that I am sorry for all the arguments and that he should not contact me as I don't need someone to love me as a person and that I want what he has taken for granted all those years... This is the hardest thing that I have done...and it's only the start-that's what frightens me...I just want to go and hide somewhere where he will never find me, because i can not bear the thought that I don't fit into his life when he actually decided to do something to find himself... I had so many dreams and now I have none...I am left with NOTHING and he gets to keep everything that I gave....After 6 1/2 years i am left with NOTHING... O Link to comment
i2oadi2unnei2 Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 olena, You're not alone my friend and I can relate to your situation. I was w/ my ex for 5 years. I supported her emotionally, physically and financially. Decisions she made whether its right or wrong, I stood beside her. I could make a very long list of what I've done for her, what I gave up, everything, but I rather keep this post short. We both didn't have much when we were together and we built a lot w/in 5 years of our relationship yet, she still fell out of love for me. She now has an MBA, a fairly decent job, and a condo. I ended up buying a small house but left everything behind w/ her. There is not a thing I want back, not the TV, washer, dryer, laptop, everything, anything. I got enough memories that will last my lifetime and that is all that counts. Its time for me to accept it, move on and rebuild. I've been through what you and everyone here been through. I have my ups and down, yet, I will survive and so will YOU... Hang in there and best wishes to you. Link to comment
olena Posted January 25, 2007 Author Share Posted January 25, 2007 I packed up all of my things in 3 suitcases last night...Ou bedroom was half empty when he got back home. He walked into the bedroom to get changed whilst I was sitting in the living room smoking and crying... He walked into the living room and asked me why I was crying...I said to him that because during our relationship he build up his confidence, progressed and got love, and that all I ended up with was my 3 suitcases... I asked him if this was love and he started bitting his lips...He told me that it had to be done, and that he did not expect to see my suitcases all packed up...that it is different to think about it and actually seeing it happening... He said to me that he did not want to make a big deal out of it as he does not feel that this is the end - that it is not a permenant break for him but some time to get him self together... He is in the process of buying his own flat... His mother called and they talked about the flat...I asked him if he had said anything to her and he said no..and that he will not even mention it to her...he will just say that we live in separate houses, because he does not want her to get involved, or even ask why we got back together in the future... He said that this is just a pause...that he's known for a while that at some point he would like to marry me...I was pregnant 31/2 years ago, and that made him realise that he wanted to marry me, but the circumstances at the time were such that it was just not an option...the years passed and the circumstances in his life did not change greatly...and that this is yet another attempt to make him self happy in order to be able to make me happy in the future... He said that he would be devasted when I leave....and that it's a matter of time to come back because he loves me... I simply said to him that I want no contact at all...that I only want to hear from him when he is ready to fix us...that I am not going to play friends with him and that I am not going to put my self on stand by...I said to him that guts is what I did yesterday afternoon...packing up to leave....he was almost in tears...and said that I should stop blaming him as he is only trying to save the relationship...That I am his heart... I feel fine now...I am trying not to think whether he will come back or not...I am trying to think of ME...I am moving in with a uni friend of mine and at least I won't be alone in the beginning...I threw the ball in his court, and it's up to him to catch it...I suppose, it is guts to pack up and leave someone that you love...let him I am thinking, and if he does love me the way that he says he does, he will come back running...Yesterday whilst packing it did not feel as if I was leaving him but rather as if I was packing to do to a far away trip... I am sure it will get harder down the line...but I will keep my head up... I feel that I have run out of tears.... O Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Dear Olena, I know exactly what you are going through...I am going through exactly the same thing. I have just moved into my own place after my partner told me he wanted space etc after living together for 1 year. It hurts so much, but somehow you do survive each day. Be strong and keep posting, I have had some excellent advice from the people here x Link to comment
i2oadi2unnei2 Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 I simply said to him that I want no contact at all...that I only want to hear from him when he is ready to fix us...that I am not going to play friends with him and that I am not going to put my self on stand by...I said to him that guts is what I did yesterday afternoon...packing up to leave....he was almost in tears...and said that I should stop blaming him as he is only trying to save the relationship...That I am his heart... What you said above is the best thing you did for yourself in this situation, I applaude you and remember, never waver! After what you've done, you deserve better because you've earned it in this relationship. I don't think you put the ball in his court just yet, the ball is still on your court because the way I see/read it, he pretty much has everything and wants to see if he can do better. If the grass is not greener on the other side, you're the safety net and you have a choice if you want him back or not, but don't be hasty in your decision. Continue to grieve, go ahead and keep crying, be angry, be sad, be sorrow, let it all out! Now, once you're out of tears and feeling numb, start healing for yourself. It's all about you now, take it one day at a time, one step at a time. I'm here, we're all here walking that same path together. We're here if you need anything... And, NC starts now... Be strong, stay strong, those hurtfull feeling will slowly subside, I promise... Link to comment
olena Posted January 26, 2007 Author Share Posted January 26, 2007 I was out with a friend of my last night, when chris got back home. He usually gets back home at around 6:30 - 7 and by 8:30 he called my cell phone. I didnot hear it ringing. I got home at around 10 o'clock and he told me that he was so worried that I had left. He asked me if I had listened to my voice mail, and I said that I did not realise that I had one...He asked me to listen to it and it said: 'Where are you? When are you coming back home? Your cat boris misses you and have not stopped mewing since I got back home?'. He said that he loved me very very much...that he did not want me to leave for ever. that at the moment he has too many things on his mind including buying a new flat, looking for friends ect and that this is why he finds it too hard to maintain the relationship...that he needs time and that he is worried about losing me. I asked him to think of the reasons for which he wanted me to leave him alone. The reasons for which he had asked me to move out....he said that he did not know anymore, but that he is learning fast that he loves me a lot -more than anyone he's ever loved and that he would be the BIGGEST LOSER in the world if he lost me... He asked me for time and understanding and I just went to sleep... He came to our room and held me so tightly all night....I could feel him kissing my forehear and ears all night long in his sleep.... Perhaps time will fix the problems...perhaps distance will show him if and how much he loves me if this is how he is action now that I have not even left the house yet.... O Link to comment
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