Pash Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 So the history is that before my gf and I started dating she was good firends with this guy. From what i gather they were like best friends and made out but never had sex. After a year (6 months before we started dating) this friends raped her while drunk one night in which they barely spoke to each other since. Now we have been together for 7 months and this guy has made a reapearance. I should also mention i know him a little through a friend and consider this John a complete creep. So they started talking again and she asks me if I'm cool if they started hanging out again. Such as a movie or drinks etc. For me discovering their past and knowing him i think he is a danger to her and is saying whatever he can to get back into her good graces and its working. She says that he has matured and is a changed man and she doesnt like to shut people out and not give them another chance. But i hate him for what he has done and i hate that they want a relationship. I told her I am very not comfotable with them hanging out and she was upset but has so far respected that. I problem is that I can never be comfortable with her being with this guy and she continues to push to do so. I dont trust him and think he is completely deceitful. I dont want to me controlling her but i dont want to go insane either. what do i do? Link to comment
Caterina Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 That is really scary. It sounds like there are deep emotional problems there. Link to comment
InLoveAndWaiting Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 My ex has also gone thru a situation where she was raped, by her ex bf, and she has a child by him. He came home drunk one night and said that was all she was good for. She has never told anyone else but me, she said if her family found out they would kill him. I wanted to kill him. She still has a relationship with him, but only because he is the father. He would call alot when her and I were together and it drove me nuts. He would call at midnight, when we were together, it drove me up the wall. She would answer sometimes which only drove me more nuts. She asked me to please not let him come between us because that is what he would want. The point is that I feel about this guy the way you probably feel. If it really bothers you, you should tell her. She should respect your reasons and understand where you're coming from if she cares about you. She doesn't have to shut him out of her life, but that is different than hanging out with the person, much different. Tell her how you really feel and be strong about it. Rape is no accident, I don't care if you are drunk. I think people like that are the scum of this earth and have no respect for them. It bothers me that these people exist, but I can't do anything about that. Be firm about your decision to not see him. Link to comment
Pash Posted January 23, 2007 Author Share Posted January 23, 2007 yah thats is very much how i feel. What also makes it hard for me is that she defends him. She says he was in a dificult part of his life and she knew he was bad news but didnt care at the time so she doesnt judge people for what they have dont. She doesnt even call it rape but what she described to me definitely is. A few times since we started going out she has had nightmare and flashbacks and im up all night holding her while she is crying and im just furious at him. Its so hard for me to deal with the realization of them wanting to be friends again and that she still really cares for him Link to comment
heloladies21 Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 What? Are you serious? This is all about setting boundries dude, and one of them that none of my gf's will ever cross is a situation like this where there are obviously still some kind of feelings between the two of them, otherwise she wouldn't be so insistent on keeping the "friendship." You sound like a nice guy dude, but nice to the point where it willeventually lead to her dumping you if you don't learn how to stick for yourself. If you don't set the line and get her to cut all contact with the guy, don't be surprised if she eventually dumps you for him. If it indeed does happen, you heard it here first. Link to comment
Pash Posted January 25, 2007 Author Share Posted January 25, 2007 i understand what you are saying helo21. Its definitely not easy to set those boundaries. She said she would respect me and not see him in person but said that email,msn and phone are her right and wont stop no matter what i say. Link to comment
heloladies21 Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 but said that email,msn and phone are her right and wont stop no matter what i say. This is not good. She doesn't respect you. A break up is on the way. Link to comment
Stari Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 A few times since we started going out she has had nightmare and flashbacks and im up all night holding her while she is crying and im just furious at him. And after all this she still wants to have contact with him?! Pash, you demonise the guy while failing to see that your little angel actively chooses to be in contact with the guy. She definitely gets something out of the contact. Now I only guessing but perhaps she feels safe and familiar in an abusive relationship. If that is the case, she will not appreciate a loving, drama-free relationship. In any case, this girl maintaining contact with the guy who still makes her feel bad occasionally, should be the signal for you to go find another woman. For the sake of your sanity. Link to comment
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