Date with friend -- what to do?

[Celadon]

A man I know recently broke up with his girlfriend. He and I have been casual friends for a year or so. Now he's trying to get to know me, and next week we'll be getting together for dinner.

 

I'm not sure how to handle this situation, because (a) I'm not really confident that we're a good match, although I'm open to testing the waters, and (b) we run in the same social circle, so I don't want to create bad feelings if dating each other doesn't work out.

 

I'm thinking that it would be best to decide quickly if I think we have solid potential. If we go out for awhile and THEN it ends up we don't date exclusively, that would probably create awkwardness. Do you guys think so? Or do you think that deciding too quickly would cause one of us to feel like we weren't given a chance?

 

I read a book that suggested identifying the top 10 qualities you're looking for in a mate, and then asking questions that reveal whether the person has those qualities. Not grilling the person, but at least bringing up the topics. I was thinking maybe I should try that.

 

(BTW, I'm in the stage of life where I'm dating for marriage, not dating just to date.)

 

Thanks!

[Jeffrey2095]

Hello K8tie Kool,

 

I think that you have a hard decision here...

 

It is good that you are thinking ahead about whether or not to proceed for the sake of his feelings etc, that is thoughtful of you, and wise. (You mentioned marriage, so I know you want to consider this carefully.)

 

My, just plain guess really, is to invest at least a little more time in a platonic light. Maybe you can get a little better inkling as to where to go from there.

 

I wish I had some better ideas for you...

 

Good luck and best wishes for the future.

 

Jeffrey

[Celadon]

Thanks Jeffrey. I appreciate your reply and encouragement to give it a chance, then see what's what.

 

Yes, I've come to realize that I want to marry for more than companionship (i.e., someone to watch TV with, talk about your day with, etc.), though there's nothing wrong with that. I want to be with someone I'm truly compatible with, who shares goals, who spurs me on to be a better person and vice versa. Someone with whom I feel there's a connection that goes beyond us being a nice man and a nice woman. I don't know; maybe that's foolhardy. But I figure there's a reason why we think some people are special, and others are just nice.

[Jeffrey2095]

Hi K8tie Kool,

 

Oh, I didn't get or want to give the impression you would have a marriage with such "formalities" by any means.lol

 

It just doesn't sound like this guy is your "Mr. Wonderful" to me, from what you have expressed.

 

Personally, I wouldn't take a great deal more time in quandry, if you know what I mean, for his sake too. Maybe he thinks he is Mr. Wonderful.

 

I don't mean to give watered down advice, but I don't know the man...

 

Well good luck in making your decision, whichever, as long as it was best for your future, that's what counts right.

 

Peace K8tie

 

Jeffrey