When others don't believe you...

[JulieW]

After a very trying year on my self-esteem, personal beliefs and heartbreak, I made a decision for 2007. Not a resolution but more a motto.

 

"No Touchy"

 

Yes, it's funny but quite serious. I left my husband a few months ago and then when a close friend confessed his feelings for me, I decided to give it a chance. Turns out he just wanted a roll in the hay. Now he hasn't contacted me in two weeks.

 

My heartache is more for the fact that I may have lost a close friend than anything else. :sad:

 

Anyways, back to the No Touchy motto. I either get one of two responses:

 

1) Don't give up on love

or

2) She's just playing 'hard-to-get'

 

Anyone who knows me, even remotely, knows that I don't play games or mince my words. I'm not shutting the door on love, but I don't want to have anything that will confuse me or distract me from myself right now. I'm also moving to London for a year to go to school. I have no intention of dating while I'm there that's for sure. It just invites the wrong type of guy around. "Cool, she's not going to stay so there's no worry of her tying me down."

 

In the last two weeks, I have had several men in my life decide that I'm just the hottest commodity since they've heard my new motto. Aside from the fact that I'm not physically interested, I wouldn't want to give anyone false hope the way my friend did to me. I have given no quarter about how I feel in these situations. Some examples of what I've had to say lately:

 

1) It isn't going to happen

2) We are nothing more than friends

3) You know that I'm not casual about sex, so don't think that I will sleep with you for fun

 

I'm not putting out a challenge for someone to 'save me' or make me feel good about myself. I happen to think I'm great. The ironic thing is that these men are making me feel bad because it's like all they want is to have sex with me now. Instead of being my friends and walking with me through this difficult period, they've become selfish and more concerned with getting laid.

 

Sad times when you find out someones true intentions this way.....

[winkie]

It is good that you concentrate on yourself after all of these things that have happened to you. However, do not say that you will not date or see anyone. You never now what could happen......when you least expect it.

 

[Jeffrey2095]

Hello JulieW,

 

I think you have it all figured out, and it is unfortunate that these guys are mostly driven by... .

 

Still, some girls don't have any one pay attention to them at all, so maybe it is a blessing in some ways too.

 

Hopefully, someday the really right guy will come along, and he will be your friend, and not just a,

 

Good luck at school.

 

Jeff

[JulieW]

Now see, winkie...that is exactly what I'm talking about.

 

Why would you say that after I just explained my reasons??

 

Sometimes you need to take a purposeful step back from relationships to work on yourself.

[caro33]

Hi Julie, good for you.

 

Yes there certainly are people out there who seem to want you all the more when they know that (a) you aren't interested, or (b) you aren't going to push for a relationship. The former excites the people who want a challenge, a chase. The latter excites the people who don't want to commit or worry about obligations.

 

Neither response is particularly nice to receive from people who purport to value your friendship, who you view platonically. I had a bunch of male friends like this some time ago and it kind of killed my trust in them. It's a bit frustrating to feel like you're not being heard hey.

 

So I have no insight, but just wanted to say you sound like you're in the right place for you right now, and being true to yourself. Sorry about the letdowns you've had.

 

However, you will soon enough meet some lovely Londoners to hang out with, new people to get to know and put some of your disappointments behind you. And no, I'm not talking about dating . I am envious I have to say - have a great time.