Learning and relationships

[hope123]

hey

 

I have a question. Obviously those who read my threads know about me and my insecurities and just not being able to trust completely.

 

How are some girls/ guys the opposite. I have one guy friend who is pretty laid back and he tells me his g/f is the same and they arent the jealous type. Apart of me doesnt fully believe it. I think if he saw some guy hitting on his g/f--a little jealousy would kick in. I think its natural. He told me he didn't want to go to a party once with his g/f b/c her ex would be there. So naturally they didnt go. Off the bat, he said he wasn't jealous, he is just not a good guy so i dont want to see him. Apart of me felt like that was a lie and he just didn't wanna be around an ex of his g/f. But overall, i see him as laid back and not an overly jealous person. And i see some girls like that(not a lot to be honest that i know personally). My friend said his g/f wouldnt be jealous if he spoke to an ex. But he also said he doesnt feel its necessary to tell his g/f every single time he speaks to another girl b/c it doesnt mean anything. And actually--he told me she doesnt like big groups so a lot of the times if he is going to go out..she doesnt feel comfortable and doesnt want to go and just lets him go. (the thing is--he isnt going to these single bars that have a lot of girls or clubs--its mostly like a dive bar or regular bar in the area so i think that makes a difference).

 

Now with my b/f--I think he hides emotions well and is stubborn. I can see him being somewhat jealous if a guy started hitting on me. I can see him wondering who it was who called late at night but letting it go. (He might still think about it, but doesnt let it control him i guess like some thoughts control me and i need to talk to him about it when it does happen.

 

My friend who is laid back is young--23 or so and my b/f is older. Where does confidence come from? Obviously it can exist at any age. Does it improve with age? Obviously my b/f's mind can go in the same direction as mine such as him asking me who called you or who were on the phone with but he usually drops it and doesnt seem to think about it after that.

 

I know that i am good looking and have good qualities but obviously a lot of the problems here have to do with confidence. I havent had many sexual partners at all(my choice) and my b/f has--is that part of it? I think some parts of me feels--how are all those girls completely out of his life and sometimes i wonder if he still talks to some or something. I guess i cant help it. Or i wonder he must think from time to time how good this person was in bed etc. I think maybe if i had more experience sexually--i would feel more confident. I sometimes even think--did my b/f have more fun with this ex b/c it didn't end badly(i think she was from a strict family or different religion and it had to end)

 

My b/f seems almost inifferent. Like he will say--if you want to come over, come over..if you dont, thats fine too. I guess i am a sensitive person b/c it makes me feel like it doesnt matter to him. I told him once and he said no..its just that i am assuming if i dont see you today..i am going to see you eventually and that we arent going anywhere.

 

Is it in someone's personality to be this way? I wish i were more laid back at times.

I think some things he has done in the past and probably some things i have posted about--is suspicious and weird..and other things looking back..i feel i was looking too hard and was wrong. I wish i can change and be a little more independent from him but i know myself. If we get into a fight--he is all i can think about sometimes or it ruins the rest of my day.

[robowarrior]

I honestly don't know why people are so insecure about, strangly everyone seems to be complaining, myself however i have never ever suffered from insecurity in my life because i have a totally different view on it.

 

Can you control another person? NO, so is it worth worrying about? No. Does it matter then if you are insecure about this or that? NO, so trash it. Just go for gold in your life. You can only control those things that you are in power of, and worrying about things that are beyond your control is pointless, this because you can only love a person, you can't own them. If your bf cheats on you, you dump him. If you are devoted to him, and he is devoted to you, then you can stay together.

 

If i set a goal in my life, i will reach it or die while trying.

You have to pre-define what you want in life, then go for gold in trying to reach it. Then you have zero reason to be insecure off. And why would you have to be jealous? If another person has a zillion cars, billion dollars and plenty o houses be happy for her. That you waste time on watching how the grass is greener at your neighbours is time you could have invested to make the grass greener in your own yard. So this whole jealousy,insecurity non-sense would be best thrown in the trashcan, and taken away to the dumpyard where it belongs,as they are nothing more then useless traits to begin with.