Step sons friend who won't leave

[Steparent]

We have a blended family, three children for me and two for him. His youngest son has been living with us and is going away to college. My stepson has a friend who has been living with us since last May. He's been my step sons friend for a number of years, yet living with him has proved to be an eye opener. Prior to this we believe all his stories about his horrible childhood and felt sorry for him. He was originally suppose to stay with us only three months and then go away to school. It is now nine months and my patience is gone. He has been disrespectful, lazy, sneaking an underage girl friend into the house at night. His room is a disaster. He pays no rent, does very little around the house and I'm going crazy. I've had numerous discussions with my husband and he finally agreed that we would charge him rent and that he has to be gone by the end of the school year. All our other children have moved out, so the only "child" at home is this friend. I feel as though we have done all our parenting and I just dont have the urge to deal with this problem child who isn't ours. I dont know if I can make it till the end of the school year. Help

[Hope75]

Hi There and Welcome to Enotalone!

 

Hmmm....

 

This situation does indeed sound as though this 'friend' is taking advantage of you.

 

I think your husbands' logic in letting him stay until the end of the year is to allow him to get through the semester- but that doesn't mean in the meantime you should not establish some rules for him while he is there.

 

He is living under your roof, and that means he has to respect the rules that you lay down.

 

Some good ideas are:

 

1. He keeps his room clean.

2. He pays rent, even if it is a small amount, to show some responsibility.

3. No girls sleeping over- if he violates this again then he must leave.

4. He treats you and your husband with respect.

5. chores- he can do dishes, sweep floors, vacuum, take out trash, shovel, anything that shows responsibility and an additional earning of his privilage to live there.

 

 

Regardless of if he has a sad story or not, you are letting him get away with what he's doing and need to establish and stick to the rules. If he does not agree with the rules, he can find another place to live. Remember, living with you is a privilage- not a right. A privilage that he must earn and maintain.

 

I would have another talk with your husband about this, and then both of you should meet with him and lay down the rules. And enforce them.

[CarnelianButterfly]

When he's not in the house pack up all his stuff, put it on the front lawn, change the locks and tell him he is no longer welcome. You have given him more than enough time to recoup and find his own space, but it sounds like he's just using your goodwill against you. If he tries anything call the police and have him arrested for trespassing.

[Beec]

Hope75 is right on with her comments. If you allow someone to treat you without respect, it is you who are palcing yourselves in front of the door and telling himthat your name is "mat". Hope's suggestions are on. Tell her he must comply, or leave.

 

And it he does not comply, either do what Carnelian Butterfly suggests or pack everything up but some of his clothes, and move it all into a locked storage area.

 

Before any of this happens, I might tell your son to give him some warning.

 

And by the way, it seems you are not parenting him. Most parents would not tolerate such behavior.

[Bethany]

Hope75 is right on with her comments. If you allow someone to treat you without respect, it is you who are palcing yourselves in front of the door and telling himthat your name is "mat". Hope's suggestions are on. Tell her he must comply, or leave.

 

And it he does not comply, either do what Carnelian Butterfly suggests or pack everything up but some of his clothes, and move it all into a locked storage area.

 

Before any of this happens, I might tell your son to give him some warning.

 

And by the way, it seems you are not parenting him. Most parents would not tolerate such behavior.

 

Absolutely everything that Beec said.

[jengh]

wow....so he's still staying there even though your step son has moved out? I don't know how he could possibly have the nerve to do that... and god, if he's not paying rent, he should absolutely be helping out around the house and respecting your rules....