How long before I'm ready to date ?

[cordelia]

I've posted here before about breaking up with my ex of one year...a little over a month ago. I was devastated and Im still not completely healed but I'm doing my best to move on. We broke up because he seemed to put me at the bottom of his priority list, and refused to communicate with me and basically kept me a distance the whole time. He would never allow us to get close and that just drove me insane!

 

Lately I've been meeting new men and it seems like I have the opportunity right in front of me to date if I want, but yet somehow I just don't feel ready. I want to feel ready, but I'm still holding back because apparently I still have feelings for me ex! He was never very good to me and towards the end, he was being so cold and distant.

 

We haven't really talked since the break up, but he keeps sending me messages on msn, sometimes in the middle of the night. Is this why I'm not over it ?

 

Is it possible to still be in love with someone who you never really knew that well and were never that close to, even in the relationship ?

 

I'm getting frustrated because I want to move on, but its like it feels like by dating someone new it means I am totally letting go of the past now which feels wrong for some reason.

[NYCB]

Hate to say it but there's really no formula to any of this. DO what feels right for you. If you're not ready, you're not ready. It took me 3 months before I went on a date after I broke up with my ex-ex girlfriend. Don't pressure yourself. You need time to heal and adjust. When you're in a relationship you give part of yourself to the other person and after a breakup, it takes time to build up the part that was torn away during the breakup.

[Dako]

A month is no time at all for most people.

You'll know when you're ready and have gotten past the connection to the ex. It's a good feeling when you finally feel free and eager to explore your possibilities.

[i2oadi2unnei2]

Lately I've been meeting new men and it seems like I have the opportunity right in front of me to date if I want, but yet somehow I just don't feel ready.

 

I don't have the answer to your question since it varies from one person to another, however, if that statement above is true to your heart, then don't date...

 

I on the other hand would suggest you to casual date since the opportunity presented itself to you. Not all of us are that fortunate to have so much opportunity like you did, or don't care to date due to not being over with our exes or don't even notice it because we're so clouded with pity and depression over our ex. Dating casually helps you move forward, move on and see what is out there. Why don't you go on 1, or heck, 2 casual dates when you get the chance! If words go out and this gets back to your ex, he'll be jealous and you'll get a reaction, and when you do...NC on the spot and update us!

 

 

Best Wishes!

[cordelia]

Thanks for all the advice ! At least I know that its normal to feel this way. Its frustrating to still be in love with someone who never really treated me right and kept pushing me away all the time. But a month is really not that long to start dating again...I guess I'm thinking that he could very well be dating right now so I should do the same !

With my last ex (before him) I waited 7 mos before dating again. Seemed like forever but I was glad I waited because I knew that I was completely healed at that point.

Its just that right now there is someone I met New years eve who is definitely interested in me. And he's good friends with a couple of my friends. They feel that he is a really great guy who would be really good to me and that I should just go for it!

 

Very confused right now....

[i2oadi2unnei2]

You're on a journey to healing cordelia and going out on a date or just hanging out with someone new is a step forward to healing and moving on. I'm glad you are considering to go out, just as long you don't hang around the house Don't worry about him or what he is doing, just take care of number one, you...