TijuanaJones Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 im sorry to hear about your case Enitsirk What he did was terrible! He is not a nice guy as he says he is! Marriage is a commitment like no other, and two people entering into a marriage should be totally shure about what is involved in terms of feelings and responsabilities. I once broke up with a GF because I realized I was never going to truly love her, and she had high hopes for me. She wanted to marry me and have kids. Altough it was very painful for her, I told her I wouldnt live up to her expectations and I didnt want to waste more of her time. It was hard for both, but we ended up in good terms. My heart goes to you! *hug* Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 TJ, Not knowing about her does hurt, but it also helps. If you can look at it this way...not knowing helps with overthinking could have, would have, should have thoughts...I find that the less I know about him, the less I think about him. Make sense? hang in there! Link to comment
pinkbunnie Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Pink, just a thought..but, He might be doing this to cause confusion for you. Dont let him! confusion delays healing. My ex confused me terribly, It gave him control. I delete every message. I helps. I used to save the messages, just to hear his voice. I know, silly, but what im getting at is that makes things worse for you. You have no obligation to be a reference for his new job. hope this helps. yeah thanks~ i'l keep trying to go NC for awhile... i guess i cant handle it anymore.. it confuses me and makes it worse... just making me depressed...especially when he talks "sweet talks" like, him saying he will cook for me on my bday nxt month.....or if he gets the new job he'l take me out to a fancy dinner? i dont know why he say these things?. just make me confused....but i gotta avoid al of this cus he doesnt want to be w/ me now...he said possible in future and he needs a break now.....but im not wiaitng for him and begin to move forward Link to comment
pinkbunnie Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 thanks meantime~ im sure i'll feel better soon.. just gota take it day by day.....hope u' l feel better soon........not an easy thing to do....but gota keep trying =] Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 yeah thanks~ i'l keep trying to go NC for awhile... i guess i cant handle it anymore.. it confuses me and makes it worse... just making me depressed...especially when he talks "sweet talks" like, him saying he will cook for me on my bday nxt month.....or if he gets the new job he'l take me out to a fancy dinner? i dont know why he say these things?. just make me confused....but i gotta avoid al of this cus he doesnt want to be w/ me now...he said possible in future and he needs a break now.....but im not wiaitng for him and begin to move forward I know its hard! Thats why Im here to begin with(at ENA). The "sweet talks" are nothing but false hope and bait on the hook, trust me! My ex did the same things.. but when the time comes to actually follow through with plans or "cooking for you b-day NEXT month, it doesnt happen and the excuses are plenty! See? by saying he will do something NEXT month or IF i get that job just leaves you hanging on to false hopes....you are better then that! Link to comment
pinkbunnie Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 I know its hard! Thats why Im here to begin with(at ENA). The "sweet talks" are nothing but false hope and bait on the hook, trust me! My ex did the same things.. but when the time comes to actually follow through with plans or "cooking for you b-day NEXT month, it doesnt happen and the excuses are plenty! See? by saying he will do something NEXT month or IF i get that job just leaves you hanging on to false hopes....you are better then that! yeah i know. im not really taking it seriously. we saw each other last month before i left for another country (korea). he "acted" as if nothing happened and he acted as if we were still toghether.....we hugged n cuddled for a while.....nothing happen because ididnt let him......im sure he wanted to sleep w/ me but i felt uncomfortable when he tried to make-out with me n stuff....i cried a lot in front of him i didnt feel too good about it..and the sad part is he kept talking about "sex" while i was crying... i had to ask him leave nicely.. the things he said it was so unbelievable.. .thats another reason i dont really trust him....seem as tho he wants to get in my pants as many of my friends said ....its the vibe he gave me.. Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 yeah i know. im not really taking it seriously. we saw each other last month before i left for another country (korea). he "acted" as if nothing happened and he acted as if we were still toghether.....we hugged n cuddled for a while.....nothing happen because ididnt let him......im sure he wanted to sleep w/ me but i felt uncomfortable when he tried to make-out with me n stuff....i cried a lot in front of him i didnt feel too good about it..and the sad part is he kept talking about "sex" while i was crying... i had to ask him leave nicely.. the things he said it was so unbelievable.. .thats another reason i dont really trust him....seem as tho he wants to get in my pants as many of my friends said ....its the vibe he gave me.. WOW, are we dealing with the same man? hahhaa. can I ask you how old you are? Im 35. b-day NEXT month as well, but Im cooking for myself! hahaha Link to comment
pinkbunnie Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 WOW, are we dealing with the same man? hahhaa. can I ask you how old you are? Im 35. b-day NEXT month as well, but Im cooking for myself! hahaha hahaha im 26 turning 27 nxt month and i'l be buying my own bday dinner LOL Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Is it normal for the dumper to have regrets and want to go back? Her excuses for breaking up with me are very weak... she was sensitive about how we deal with money in life. She says im too ambitious, but I repeteadly told her my goal in life is achieve NOT being rich! Besides that we didnt have problems... she says no one had ever treated her like I did and that I was too caring and loving, that I was the love of her life and wanted to marry me... I guess broken hearts can be fixed... Im sporting a big ol' band-aid accross mine, Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Well Pink.. happy early b-day! Try and remember that your b-day is the day you started your life and YOU are the one in control of your life! Make it the happiest ever! OKay okay, so Im feeling strong right now... someone please remind me of my own advice when the bad/sad feelings kick me in the rear again! hahha Link to comment
pinkbunnie Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Is it normal for the dumper to have regrets and want to go back? Her excuses for breaking up with me are very weak... she was sensitive about how we deal with money in life. She says im too ambitious, but I repeteadly told her my goal in life is achieve NOT being rich! Besides that we didnt have problems... she says no one had ever treated her like I did and that I was too caring and loving, that I was the love of her life and wanted to marry me... I guess broken hearts can be fixed... Im sporting a big ol' band-aid accross mine, yeah i think its possible for dumpers to regret that they broke up with you.. they may realize soon or later that they miss you and realize how much they love/care for u... if this ever happens...guess just like that clitche'" it is meant to be" but sometimes it happens depending on why you guys broke up? if its fixable i think it'll work....ive met some people who broke up but got back toghether and now married. i guess it is possible... Link to comment
pinkbunnie Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Well Pink.. happy early b-day! Try and remember that your b-day is the day you started your life and YOU are the one in control of your life! Make it the happiest ever! OKay okay, so Im feeling strong right now... someone please remind me of my own advice when the bad/sad feelings kick me in the rear again! hahha hehe happy early bday to u too !! and thanks~ . just be strong and try to be happy and am sure u'l be fine....cus i get those bad/sad moments too.......its scary...it comes n goes and u don really notice it haha. Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 thanks for the support pinkbunnie! Im 28 right now, yet I fall in love as if I were 14! I guess 16 days of waiting, pain and agony are not too many, when you are hoping for a lifetime of joy and love with someone... *hugs* to everyone! Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Is it normal for the dumper to have regrets and want to go back? Her excuses for breaking up with me are very weak... she was sensitive about how we deal with money in life. She says im too ambitious, but I repeteadly told her my goal in life is achieve NOT being rich! Besides that we didnt have problems... she says no one had ever treated her like I did and that I was too caring and loving, that I was the love of her life and wanted to marry me... I guess broken hearts can be fixed... Im sporting a big ol' band-aid accross mine, TJ, I cant speak for other dumpers but I think there is always regret. In my experience with my ex he would "dump" me and then come back.. everytime I took him back.. I also "tried" to dump him but ended up calling him and working things out...nasty rollercoaster. This time I was the the one who said enough is enough and started NC.. do I have regrets? You bet I do! I want to call him soooo bad its pathetic! Time will tell if we are ment to be together... in the meantime Im dating other people and fighting negitive emotions. NC works! slow but sure Im hurting less and less. Thinking of him less and less? NO! thats the hard part. Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Thinking of him less and less? NO! thats the hard part. I can totally relate... I think about her everyday. She comes accross my mind as I wake up, during the day, and right before I go to bed... It hurts just to think she could be with someone else... I guess a big part of the pain has to do with my ego being bruised. I went from being the love of her life to zero in a day... I tought this girl was going to be the one. Link to comment
pinkbunnie Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 thanks for the support pinkbunnie! Im 28 right now, yet I fall in love as if I were 14! I guess 16 days of waiting, pain and agony are not too many, when you are hoping for a lifetime of joy and love with someone... *hugs* to everyone! np~~ hope u'l feel better soon too....... Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Ok I think my heart my actually be in my throat at the moment. I signed into msn a lil while ago, and started talking to someone, didn't bother to check who was online, rarely do. I just noticed that my ex just went offline. And now I just feel so...damn...weird. Like...I don't know. I'm still happily chatting to my friend...who incidentally my ex hates with a passion...but. Agh. I feel like throwing up and crying and breaking things. It's so difficult to know for certain that he ignored me...you know? I mean - I know if I knew he was online, I wouldn't have said anything. But knowing for certain that he ignored me is really difficult. Link to comment
pinkbunnie Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Ok I think my heart my actually be in my throat at the moment. I signed into msn a lil while ago, and started talking to someone, didn't bother to check who was online, rarely do. I just noticed that my ex just went offline. And now I just feel so...damn...weird. Like...I don't know. I'm still happily chatting to my friend...who incidentally my ex hates with a passion...but. Agh. I feel like throwing up and crying and breaking things. It's so difficult to know for certain that he ignored me...you know? I mean - I know if I knew he was online, I wouldn't have said anything. But knowing for certain that he ignored me is really difficult. omg i get the same feeling too when i see my ex online.... its like u both are online but he doesnt IM u or anything.and u jus feel like blah..mabye u should delete his sn ? it might help... Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Ok I think my heart my actually be in my throat at the moment. I signed into msn a lil while ago, and started talking to someone, didn't bother to check who was online, rarely do. I just noticed that my ex just went offline. And now I just feel so...damn...weird. Like...I don't know. I'm still happily chatting to my friend...who incidentally my ex hates with a passion...but. Agh. I feel like throwing up and crying and breaking things. It's so difficult to know for certain that he ignored me...you know? I mean - I know if I knew he was online, I wouldn't have said anything. But knowing for certain that he ignored me is really difficult. Parsley, I think having your ex on your MSN is prolonging the healing process for you. Knowing that he is online and reading his nicks and trying to figure out what they mean is painful and will do you no good. I found it better just to block and delete my ex. He may know you did it, but that plays in your favor, as he will think he is loosing you. Resume NC (if thats what you are doing), but include not logging into your myspace or Hi5 or whatever you use. Don look at his myspace either. I cried like a little girl the last time I checked my ex's Myspace and saw pictures of her in bars with guy friends and female friends, but at the same time gave me hope, because she had the song Lovefool, by The Cardigans on it. Her nick was "I cant care about anything but you". Seeing that made me want to call her and feel insecure, and then secure, so I decided to get away from the whole thing, and it has made NC easier for me... I hope it works for you too if you decide its worth to try.... Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 The thing is, I never even considered or thought about him being on msn. His computer broke months ago, before I even started uni, and he only could email me from work. I completely forgot about him ever being on msn, so it was a real real shock. I hadn't kept him on it so I could see what his nicknames were or anything - I simply didn't consider it as something I had to worry about. It's taken some strength not to check his myspace...even though I know he can't access it. It's just so hard knowing that I've lost his friendship too. I'm still very good friends with my previous ex - but nothing like we were, and it really really upsets me to know that I have to lose people like that, and that we'll never get along as amazingly as we used to, even before we went out. There was a time when my grin would be huge if I saw he was online, and we'd immediately be talking. But now neither of us say anything, and now I'm sobbing. Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 hang in there Parsley Well, I recommend you try that... block and delete... its simple. With that you get one certainty: you will never see him online again. And in these uncertain times, you need some certainty... Dont even update your own myspace, you dont need to. Updating it is like giving your ex info about you. Let him wonder, but more importantly, it will keep you off the temptation to see his. I havent been online on myspace for a week and it feels wonderful... im even considering deleting my whole profile... Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Okay guys, just got a call from a mutual friend of my ex and I. She told me that he went back looking for me last night after he left, I left shortly after he did and so I wasnt there when he came back.. but that would explain his 10pm phone call last night. No message, just the call... this is the hard part! Now Im thinking of him and Im not sure how I feel.. other then confused! Why is he chasing me now? He cant commit to a realationship and thats why I left. He knows this and I have told him in the past that unless he wants to take things to the next level..dont bother calling! manipulation on his part! I thought I would feel good if he called and I didnt answer..but, the calls are coming in and I feel like something you would scoop out of the catbox! I want to call him and ask what it is that he wants! Link to comment
comfyshoes Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 all the talk of getting stuff back from your ex has freaked me out a little. i ahve so much stuff still at her place, all the way on the other side of the world. i was meant to follow it there sometime this year! i don't know how i am gonna react if a get a big box of my stuff arriving at my door. been thinking about boxing up all the stuff she gave me and sending it back to her. any thoughts? shoes Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 I feel sick! How can one person affect another so much? Link to comment
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