Please can I have some advice........my girl just left me...

[aragorn80]

Anyone out there with (mature) advice, please help!

Ive been going out with this girl for a little over 11 months and it has not always been the greatest. (Keep in mind that im 22 and this was my First love and first girlfriend) We would see eachother in the beginning like 10 hours a day because we met at work. That much time was too much I guess.......We would argue in the beginning about her ex cause she got out of that relationship like a month before we starting dating. We would always be jealous of another and fight over trivial things, mainly cause we saw too much of eachother. Other than that we "seemed" to be doing fine, we hung out and watched movies, went to a few places and we went out to eat a lot. Over the course of about 5-6 months we tapered off of going out that much because I wanted to save some money and at first she understood, then I think it became a problem in her mind that we didnt do that much anymore. I think we got too relaxed in the relationship as well. We were very sexual at first as well, then about 3-4 months into it, that slowed down as well, cause she was kinda religious, I always thought she lost "that" interest in me, and I caused a lot of pressure when it came to sex, I know now I should have just respected her. When it came to gifts and such I would go out of my way, like on each of our 1 month anniversarys, I would make a card on the computer or buy her one and get a couple of small gifts...she would never really get me anything or show a lot of interest. Why didnt she?? When it came to showing intimacy and showing me love, she always had a hard time...Why?? We even talked about marriage in the beggining, and I even bought her a $500 engagement ring! ( I couldnt really afford it, I told her that and she was mad for like 3-4 days.....I felt bad so I bought it ) Other than that, I knew we didnt have the best of relationships, I think that after 11 months, it should have lasted maybe only 6 or 7....We have broken up before, and she would always call after like 4-5 days......Today marks the 4th day of our breaking up. I think, too, that we were kinda codependent on eathother, ya know, even though we fought a lot, we felt the need to be wanted, because I dont have that many friends and I got so used to her around. Ive stuck to my guns though and I havent called or paged her, I figure, she left me, Im not gonna chase her, if she wants to be with me, then she will contact me. It is SO HARD though, I loved her with all my heart and I would have done anything for her. I find myself with a loss of appetite, and Im pacing the floor because Im alone again......I honestly feel like I gave 110% and she only gave maybe 25% Please help me with some advice on moving on.........advice on whether or not she really cared, and what she might have really thought of me.......( Honest, mature opinions please ) Oh yeah, her reason for the break was, " I just dont want to be in a relationship at this point, i dont want to be with anyone, I dont mean to hurt you ".............and she did it over the phone......

[Mar]

I think, in your description of the relationship, you said it all yourself. You gave 110%, she gave "maybe 25%." That's not real healthy right there. From the sound of it, she wasn't ready for the kind of commitment you were, and was scared off when you expressed such strong desire for this relationship. An engagement ring after 11 months IS kinda sudden, after all! But regardless, I think she just wanted a comfortable relationship, sex once in awhile, without all the strings attached. You're both still somewhat young and spreading your wings, so to speak, and her experiences with dating are most likely different from yours. I think it just rather overwhelmed her when you expressed such strong feelings. I'd move on....her feelings for you aren't going to change overnight....I think she felt affection for you, but not the all-consuming love you did for her. Let her go. Maybe you can resume this relationship down the road, but in the meantime, don't throw your heart immediately into a relationship full force, with any woman......that's a little much to handle, from the female perspective!

[4EverNight]

Please do not take this the wrong way, it is only meant as an adice...you may just want to let it go, I understand that the the two of you were together for 11 months or so but it seems to me that you may have jumped the gun in buying an engagement ring maybe because you thought that could bring you two closer, I could be wrong. I just think that you may have been a bit forceful. Reading your post it seems to me that the relationship was not really stable to begin with. It's unfortunate that you put more into the relationship than she did, this sometimes happens when one person wants more to the relationship. I know it's hard to let go, it always is when your in love but maybe it's for the best. The way in which she broke up with you is particularly sad, it is best to do it face to face at least that is a sign to me that there is some respect. The way she broke up with you, I doubt if you will ever know whether she cared or not. I'm sure she does care for you but she may not know how to show it. Best thing you can do is to continue with your life and try to forget her but maybe not the good memories you had with her. Everything is a learning experience, believe me, we all go through this in one way or another, just take a look at all the posts on this site.