Saving face and the situation

[agualibre777]

So my ridiculous situation was in my last post. When I went with my anxiety and called this guy too much and he freaked out. It was really stupid of me.

 

He left south on the 26th. He was supposed to be there for a week and a half. Something must've gone different than expected cause he called me from his house number today about 1pm. I didn't answer the phone cause I was real surprised. I didn't think he'd call me for a long time. He didn't leave me a message... but whenever he calls he never does, I just see the missed call and call him back.

 

Now, I honestly don't know what I want. We were too sexual too quickly. But the connection was really strong. Before I freaked him out he was saying to me he thought I was the most alive person he knew, that I was like ten people in one, and that even if I told him to scat the next day that I changed a part of him and so on. I know he is dating other people, but he was coming on real strong, calling all the time. But after I flipped I was sure I messed up and there was no possibility. I'm really surprised he called me, especially this quickly. After only five days.

 

My most important priority is preserving our friendship because I think he is cool. But honestly, the sexual tension is really high, so I know just being friends isn't possible, and that if we were just friends it might be hard for me to deal with knowing I messed it all up. I'd feel stupid. I know he is friends with almost all his exes, so I think I could just be this friend he is afraid to date now.

 

What should I do? When should I call him back? Should I wait a couple of days to show I don't *need* him?

[DN]

Don't play games. If you want to go out with him - call him back.

[agualibre777]

but don't you think since i looked so foolish that i shouldn't call him back right away. doesn't it look needy to call him right back? of course i want to call him back, but doesn't the timing matter?

[DN]

What is he going to think if you wait a couple of days? Chances are he will either think: "She doesn't want to look needy so she's playing games" or "She hasn't called back - better move on to someone else."

 

You either look obvious or uninterested.

[agualibre777]

Hey DN, thanks for the advice. I called him. We talked for two hours. Awesome conversation. And then he wanted to hang out tonight. And I told him only if we don't have sex. And then we had to agree we can't hang out because we probably would if we hung out. He apologized for not being the relationship type. We had a moment of silence. And hung up. I'm sad. I really, really, really like him. But I did the right thing for me.

[Lily04]

Hey aqua,

 

Interesting to hear your situation, since I read your previous post as well. I think you did the right thing for yourself... the guy doesn't seem to want commitment, and you deserve that. He also just left the country without tellign you or something, right? Just leaving without really concluding things... he obviously felt something for you, but isn't ready.

 

I really think it's best to move on, date other people, and if it's meant to be in the future it'll happen. He deosn't seem ready now to be in a relationship and if that's what you want, you should give him some time to heal and move on himself... and if it's meant to be he'll realize when the time is right. In the meantime, you may be passing up other great opportunities by focusing all your attention on him.

 

I wish you the best of luck... and happy new years.

 

Lily

[agualibre777]

no, he went to san diego. and he told me he was going. it was understandable for him not to talk to me, he probably felt smothered by my innundation of calls, messages and emails. it was ridiculous. i hung out with him tonight. his energy was off. i might have done irreprable harm to the friendship. i don't know. or it could be something else was bothering him.

[Lily04]

Ok. Why did you hang out with him if you had a strong sense that you were both going to end up having sex?????!! Willpower girl... new year's resolution for you! Although sometimes I have too much of it with regard to emotions... I can personally just block someone out and not speak with them again (i.e. the guy i had a major crush on, i deleted/blocked from MSN & told him i just want to be friends... haven't spoken to him since. That might be a bit on the 'unhealthy' side though...) but to an extent it can be good to just move on.. if you don't think you can be friends. Things might be a bit weird now for you guys since you've been dating for so long (or at least hooking up for so long, anyway.) So the energy being off seems understandable to me...