I screwed up with friend and Think she is mad, what do you think?

[Armyguy3682003]

Ok, here is my delima. My friend who, yes is a female called me the other night when she was coming home from New York. We went out on Friday the week before and she asked if I could driver her to the train station. I said yes and picked her up and brought her there. When she was coming back, she called saying she was on the bus (9 pm at night) and was going to get in late around 10 or so. She asked where I was and said I was at my parents place which is about 30 or 40 minutes away. She said, oh as if it was too far away for her to ask me for help. I live 30 mintues away from my parents place, which is about 10 mintues away from her. She asked for some numbers for a taxi service and would call me back. Well, I didnt hear back from her, so I left her a message that I had some taxi services she could call. I didnt hear back from her until around 11:45 the same night. I was asleep when she called. She mentioned that she was going to walk home from the train station with all her luggage which was a lot. She ended up getting a ride from a police officer she said. I mentioned why didnt her host parents pick her up or why didnt she ask them. She said it was too late at night and calling that late at night would not be a good idea. I was confused about that since I dont understand why her host parents (she is a nannie) would have not picked her up. I was also surprised that a friend closer would not have picked her up or the guy I think she is seeing, new boyfriend I thought from listening to her when I am out with her.

 

Anyways, I think she was reaching out for help from me and I didnt respond to come pick her up to help her out. I said I would always be there as a friend, good friend and feel I screwed up some how. I gave her a Christmas gift and she called the next day and I missed the call. She said she enjoyed it and to call her back when I got the call. I have called and she has not responded to any of my messages. I even left a message that I feel I screwed up with her from the other night and let her down as a friend. I feel she is angry at me? What do you think and what should I do? I feel she is ignoring me and I feel like such an * * * because she was reaching out for help, but never really said she wanted me to come pick her up. She is the type to not really come out and ask, but she asked me to bring her to the train station last Friday, she didnt hint around that, said can you do me a favor, bring...........

[flower99]

you would have helped if she asked right??? so what did you do wrong???

Yes you could have offered, but she could have asked as well.

It sounds like a lack of communication that's all.

I don't think you screwed up, she shouldn't be angry with you. Just next time offer if you think she could use the help. And let her know to ask you next time and you would have been there for her.

That's what friends are there for.

[keenan]

It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong. It does sound like she has a crush on you, and that she likes a bit of drama in her life.

[Northalius]

Is there a reason behind why you didn't just offer to pick her up?

 

Were you so tired, that you thought it'd not be safe to drive at the time?

 

Were you scared that she was attempting to depend upon you a lot more?

 

Is there some other reason that's more personal...?

 

I think she's sad and/or angry, because she had expectations of you to "just be nice and offer," without her asking for it.

 

She was probably feeling a bit weird to ask you to pick her up, because she didn't want to seem as if she was depending upon you to do these things for her on a [seemingly] constant basis.

 

This does sound like communication is lacking a bit, and this is where problems start to arise. It seems you were both testing each other without saying it.

 

Leave a message saying you want to talk about it; if she doesn't call back, then leave it at that. It's not your problem now. Do not get hung up over this, because she's too stubborn to be an adult and talk this over. Give her the opportunity; if she doesn't take it, you're better off letting her alone until she is in the right mindset to be mature enough to call you and meet somewhere to talk about it.

[agent1607307371]

Armyguy - this is why mindreading would be such a wonderful talent to have.

 

Bottom line is that she didn't ask for a ride, but asked for cab numbers.

You didn't screw up, you just didn't automatically do what she was expecting you to do.

 

And if she does have a bf and/or a friend who lived closer, it was kinda rude of her to expect you to go get her.

[Armyguy3682003]

To Northalias: The answers to your questions are:

 

1: Is there a reason behind why you didn't just offer to pick her up?

 

I didnt offer to pick her up because I feel sometimes that I could be being used as my mother would say. So since we are not dating, I am trying to hold back some what and see what happens. I dont want to be used, but I also want to help her out when she needs it and asks, like when she did when she wanted to go to the station on Saturday, but really didnt come out and ask for a ride back. She should of asked for a ride like she did when I brought her there. I dont want to always have to be trying to read minds, but in this case I have pushed her away and she is angry I think becasue I let her down. Have not heard from her at all, which really sucks becasue I never meant this to happen becasue I care about her still.

 

2: Were you so tired, that you thought it'd not be safe to drive at the time?

 

No, I would have gone and picked her up. I would have liked to have done it as a surprise, but I realize that I give too much to her as it is already and sometimes question if she really appreciates what I do for her. I have to learn to drop back and stop giving so much and this is how I feel when I am not there and she doesnt retrun any of my phone calls becasue she is upset with me I feel. All I can do now is let things be and I guess let her go on her own way becasue I never meant this to happen.

 

3: Were you scared that she was attempting to depend upon you a lot more?

 

No, I wasnt scared she was depending on me more, just dont want to be used like I was with my first love, ex before I met her. I guess I am the type of guy to help anybody out and when she says jump, I jump 5 ft in the air becasue I dont like to hurt anybody and always want to help people out. But have to realize that we are not dating and I need to learn to step back, but I dont want to hurt her or cause our friendship to dissolve, that is how I feel right now. She was asking for help in her own way and I blew her off some how. I lost my first ex which I was good friends with up til Christmas and screwed up again and she now hates me and doesnt want to talk to me, deleted me on her link removed friends list because I gave her too much, went to her work to give a gift for Christmas when she said not to visit her at work, but it was the only way to give her the Christmas ordament I saw for her. I guess me and women do not mix and tired of playing these games.

 

4: Is there some other reason that's more personal...?

 

No, I dated her for 3 months and she ended the relationship basically with no signs or information, it just dissolved one day and I noticed it. I fell in love with her and still in love with her. But, I know there can not be a relationship and have accepted our strong friendship. I have realized from this and my past two relationships that when things end, to just walk away. But I want to try to kindle this friendship that I have with her and have screwed things up by letting her down and making her upset.

 

What else can I do? I dont want to do to much to keep pushing her away or making her more upset. I know I guess I must give it time. I want to write to her on New Years day by sending a text message saying Happy New Year and I apologize for letting her down the other night and feel she is upset with me. What else can I say to show that I screwed up and to let her know that I know she is upset and ignoring me?

 

Any advice?

[agent1607307371]

Don't say anything. You're not her bf anymore and if she is ignoring you, she's doing it to get a rise from you. Don't be manipulated like that.

 

If your friendship is as strong as you say it is, she won't play games like this. My own opinion is that she is keeping you around so she can call someone for lifts late at night without disrupting her bf's time.

 

Send her a happy new year text if you want, but don't apologise. You've done nothing wrong.

[Armyguy3682003]

I spoke to her on New Years Eve. I was calling her to wish her a Happy New Year and she called me at the same time. That was really weird. It was like we were thinking of each other at the same time. Anyways, I asked about the gift I gave her and she said she was really surprised and enjoys it a lot. She read my card and poem and said she wanted to cry, but couldnt in front of her family. That makes me feel good, no, I dont mean it in that way. I mean it in a way that I want her to think of who I am, what I feel for her and she should cherish me. Well if you want to know what I wrote, ask me and I will write up what I wrote in case your curious.