The Crusade...

[ryan4414]

I'm going start off by saying that I feel slightly guilty.

 

For the past week and a half I've been visiting this site looking for advice about what to do with my ex. I've done everything from asking techniques on getting back together to finding out if she cheated on me. For all of this I feel as though I've only been objectifying her as though she has done everything wrong.

 

To begin, our relationship wasn't working too well. A lot of things were my fault. At one point, I felt as though I needed space from our relationship and started to distance myself from her. While I did nothing extreme (didn't want to hang out a few times, stay on the phone for an extended amount of time, etc.) I still find myself a little guilty. I love this girl beyond belief and as we were talking this evening about what went wrong, I realized I did a lot of crummy stuff. I do love her and I still think she's the one, however, I feel like being upset about this is kind of a jerk move. I know everything wasn't my fault. We had a lot of differences. She's felt awkward around my friends and that any concerts I'd go to she didn't like. The only time she'd seem to be happy was when I would take her out to dinner or a movie. I enjoyed this too and tried to do it as much as I could. Regardless, neither of us truly expressed doing anything else, even though we easily could have.

 

Other things she expressed tonight were that I made her feel as though she wasn't allowed to hang out with her friends. I'm being 100% honest about this, I truly never meant or tried to make her feel that way, I HATE being a control freak. Also, she said I seemed to want sex a lot. This is partially true. When I say sex, however, I don't mean actual intercourse. We only had intercourse twice during our relationship (we were both virgins). She said I always tried to touch her and attempt to start something up when she didn't feel like it. I'll admit, there were times when I did this and questioned myself afterwards. She also told me that we fought too much. I truly do agree with this. However, a lot of our fights were stupid. Most sparking from immaturity or questioning the other's integrity about something.

 

Ultimately, we had agreed to work on a lot of this over our winter break as I had mentioned previously. It seems, however, that she has taken a more extreme approach and would rather take a break. I don't think this is it though. While I know it is the most logical, emotionally it just doesn't sit right. I've been talking about this "other guy," who eventually she broke down and swore to me he was just a friend (Nobody would put this much effort into a lie, if you'd have heard it, you would agree. She also has a terrible guilt problem, she can't keep a secret for more than a few minutes). She has another guy friend who I'd gotten mildly jealous over for a period of time and after I had compared the situations, they were fairly similar. The thing that makes me the most nervous, however, is that this guy is going to snake his way in with her if we take a break. She says she doesn't want any relationships but this guy (after the email fiasco) seems like he's willing to just barge on in. I'd be okay with just being separate for awhile, but I don't want someone to come and scoop her up. I know this sounds selfish, but it's true.

 

This is where my dilemma is. Do I give her the space she needs and pray to the gods that she is the one, or do I slowly try to comfort her and work out our problems and ease into the relationship. I told her that don't have to even date, just talk about our problems. My idea was to over the next couple of weeks, sit down for an hour or two and discuss one or two problems each of us had and try and find a solution. I've never heard of it before, however, I think it could work. I just don't want to upset her. She's been very unclear thus far as to talking/not talking to me. She continues to say "I don't know" just like day one.

 

I know someone out there has dealt with this before and I just need some advice. I want this to work out more than anything in the world and I'm willing to dedicate as much time as needed to get it done. It'll be hard I know but I've thought about this and it seems like it may just work. Be open to this idea after reading it, I know a lot of bad experiences have happened, but a little hope is nice too.

 

Thanks.

[GalaxyC]

It sounds like she's confused and that she feels you're pressuring her into making a decision too quickly. Her suggestion of a break is probably to give her the time she needs to think things over and decide what she wants to do. You can't force someone to talk about things that even they don't understand. I would say take the break. Let her figure it out. If it's meant to be it will be.