how i am feeling at this point

[kickedin]

ok so i left her a voicemail blowing her off until next week.....i dont need someone to sit in front of me with her brother after a month of not seeing her to tell me its over or whatever

 

fact is her bro and i were good friends, he triggered her outburst on christmas eve and even though was fine with me, then she broke down to her family on christmas day....he never called me on christmas which was weird because he was so concerned about me on christmas eve and even said "my sister was asking about you and was concerned and he said he told her look he didnt expect to spend christmas like this" so he was sticking up for me......well i guess me not responding to her explanation texts/emails that day of her true feelings made her freak about how her brother sided with me.......i guess the family put the foot down after my drama queen flipped on christmas eve and blew her whole family off......when i talked to her on tuesday she said she broke down to them and is finally dealing with things(i.e. divorce) but she said i had her brother convinced that she was seeing someone but lying to everyone yadda yadda yadda and that she wanted him to be there if we met cause i involved him which i really didnt i spoke to him like a friend that he was in what he said was confidence.......

 

well after i spoke to her yesterday i called him and said i talked to your sister and we need to clear some things up........give me a shout.......nothing since...she was supposed to call me on friday to set up the goodbye's meeting with the 3 of us(gay) i called her today and said i wont be around until next tuesday and didnt want to inconvience her brother trying to meet with us.......

 

i guess i am pissed that he hasnt called me but her family is so up in her biz....i think maybe they came down on him for sticking up for me....

 

how should i handle this?

[Firedancer03]

this is how you should handle this:

 

Stop thinking about her, her family, her brother, what she's thinking, what they're thinking about her or you, or her brother, what they said to her or her brother. Do yourself a huge favor and stop thinking about it and analyzing it continually.

 

Second, seriously consider stopping all contact with your ex and her brother. Stop calling your ex and her brother. Do not continue to try and "clear things up", as there is nothing left to clear up. It is good that you canceled the "goodbye meeting". Do not agree to set up another "goodbye meeting" with her or her brother again. It would do you no good. In fact, the next time she or her brother calls or texts, ignore it. Please do yourself a favor and begin NC immediately. All of this contact and interactions between your ex and her brother are simply causing you further undue pain. You do not need this in your life. What you need to do is let her go and start to heal and move on from this relationship which is now over.

 

I understand that you are friends with her brother, but my advice is to take a break from him for awhile, as it is only stopping you from moving on. It is too painful for you to keep in contacts with her brother. If you cannot ignore his calls or texts, email him or text him and explain to him that you appreciate your friendship with him but it is too painful for you to be friends with her family while you are healing from the breakup, and that you will give him a call when you are sufficiently healed. For your sake and sanity, please let her (and her family) go and start healing and moving on. Cut all contacts immediately so that you can begin down the road to healing.

 

I'm sorry if this is not what you want to hear. But you must think about you right now and take care of yourself. Your ex does not want to be with you anymore, and you must accept this and move on in your life. You deserve happiness too. Good luck to you, kickedin.

[kickedin]

thanks it means alot that you take the time to help me out.....it has been very hard.....especially when someone wants to keep explaining how they feel even after they broke up.......just to help me move on easier....who does that?

[Firedancer03]

*Hugs* to you, kickedin. I know, it sucks, especially when your ex wants to keep explaining how they feel. It is only for themselves to feel better, for her to try and convince herself that she is not a bad person, but at your expense. From the sounds of all her emails and texts that you post, she is very selfish. But you deserve better than that in your life. I know how hard it is to love someone and then they do this sort of thing to you. But you know what, in the end you are going to end up a better person and stronger for going through all of this and you are going to find someone even better for you, when the time is right. You will look back on this someday and remember when you were in such a low place in your life, but you will be grateful for the lessons you've learned. Keep your chin up kickedin, you will get through this. And keep posting whenever you need us, we are always here.

[kickedin]

thanks i would go nuts to just feel alone....plus all my friends are tired of me repeating myself

[terk2021]

thanks i would go nuts to just feel alone....plus all my friends are tired of me repeating myself

 

My friends are tired of hearing me talk about my ex too. It's especially tough for you since there was a mutual friend in her brother involved. It's been 2 months since I have seen my ex (but I did not give up on email, text and phone). I have ties with some of her friends. Those friends are no longer friends of hers. She has basically gone off the deep end.

 

Your ex has issues. I think the advice of steering clear of her and her brother for now is a good idea. Seeing her might make it harder. Look forward to 2007. Make plans for New Years eve, and consider this chapter of your life closed.

 

I wish you the best.

[kickedin]

i am doing me right now..which is something i didnt do when we broke up in january for four months i was always worried about her.....lesson learned i am working on me no matte rhow much i get sidetracked i gotta keep pushing AND IF she re surfaces with a clean happy stable heart I will be in a better position to move forward(something we couldnt do financially) and feel stronger and better about being able to the man of the household with her or whoever comes into my life

[honeyspur]

OMG - this is exactly it. You have it - you have the plan down. Great job, I know your emotions can twist you back to thinking about your ex.

But anytime we think of something/someone else - we are trying to avoid issues we have on our own. When we've worked through all our own stuff, there is no more anxiety for the other person - only compassion. Because we've taken care of ourselves - you see?

But you do see, as I can tell from your post above. Keep up this frame of mind and stick to the goal of healing - you are on your way.....

[kickedin]

OMG - this is exactly it. You have it - you have the plan down. Great job, I know your emotions can twist you back to thinking about your ex.

But anytime we think of something/someone else - we are trying to avoid issues we have on our own. When we've worked through all our own stuff, there is no more anxiety for the other person - only compassion. Because we've taken care of ourselves - you see?

But you do see, as I can tell from your post above. Keep up this frame of mind and stick to the goal of healing - you are on your way.....

 

thanks it does help that i havent seen her since thnaksgiving....i have alot going for me know rebuilding a once successful business and also starting another one......so it helps to have challenges and goals something i didnt have or strive for back in january of 2006.....i hope by june of 2007 i accomplish alot of what i want and am happy with her or someone new....leaving her as an experience at that point....at some point you just let go let god and keep pushing