Attempts

[_Jaffa_]

Have any of you attempted? You don't have to say if you don't want. I have twice. Once when I was 14 after a particularly disgusting, horrible, gross, awful experience and once last year, just when everything got on top of me and I couldn't figure out what to do. The first one I ended up in hospital for a week and the second one no one else knows about. I look back and I don't really feel anything. I don't feel guilty. Sometimes I feel sad that I didn't succeed but then I think, well, I'm only young really and lots of people have been through worse than me and have survived and all that so I should be able to right?

[AwdreeHpburn]

Jaffa - just because people are worse off than you or have survived worse doesn't mean that your situation or feelings don't mean as much.

 

You feel what you feel and there's nothing that can or should take that away.

 

I'm sorry you're sad and I'm personally glad that you didn't succeed. I'm glad you're here.

 

How are you feeling now? I mean, do you still think about trying?

[_Jaffa_]

Yeah, I still think about it. Not all the time. Just sometimes.

 

Thanks for replying.

[Dako]

Jaffa,

 

My first try was at 14. Life was just the pits, and my family was no help at all. Over the next 40 years, I learned that my problems were solvable, and that life isn't that hard except at certain times. I sometimes comfort myself in knowing I can always leave. I call it Plan B.

 

It's an attractive solution, but it's worth solving your problems one at a time and learning to shrug and laugh. I often wonder how humorless people get through life. Sunsets, dogs, trees and birds are usually enough to pull me along.

 

I plan to stay another 40 years to see what happens.

[_Jaffa_]

Ha, yeah, I have that same plan. Like a safety blanket.

[Dako]

As you get more accustomed to life, that blanket won't be so vital.

 

You're at a difficult time of life, and as you discover your talents and get more invested in life, you'll feel more confident and less depressed.

[_Jaffa_]

What talents? So far I have zilch. If you're not good at anything by this time you're not gonna be good at anything are you?

[Dako]

Not really. I keep adding new ones.

 

My teachers always made the teen years out to me so important and life would pass you by if you failed to be dazzling.

Part truth, part pantload. Some people take time to find themselves.

 

I often mention a highschool friend who was always in trouble for exposing himself in public and starting fights at random. He was the class bully and a D student at best. Randy somehow managed to become a neurosurgeon. No kidding.

[_Jaffa_]

I'm not going to amount to much. That much is clear. I'll probably be some drunk alcoholic sitting on the pavement somewhere ruing the days he threw away.

[saint_saul]

Heya Jaffa.

 

I've thought about it, but I've never tried. Sometimes, though, it seems like everytime I do think about it, I get a little closer -- and that worries me when I'm in a more rational mood.

 

Whenever I feel down and I have one of those lapses (aka pure raw emotion), it just helps to let it all out. I'm a visualize learner, so I think about falling through the floor. It's a weird feeling, but there's something comfortable about it (by the way, got it from one of Mitch Hedberg's joke.. like "why is the floor as far as I can go?" or something).

 

You have talents, even if you haven't discovered them yet. Look around you: do your peers have any sort of advantage? Chances are they're in the same boat -- only a few really know when they're made for something so young. I remember talking to this photographer who said he didn't even use a camera until he was in his 40s. Before that, he had some job completely unrelated. Photography became his passion, and ten or twenty so year later, he really loved his work. It was clear from talking to him he was confident of what he was doing, and happy. Give yourself some time to discover that talent.

 

ps: If it comes down to being a drunk on the street, why not try some male modeling?! You looked pretty attractive in the "post your pic" post!

[_Jaffa_]

Sometimes, though, it seems like everytime I do think about it, I get a little closer

 

Yeah. Me too. All I need is one more thing to happen and I'm there. Like a trigger. Something to trigger me off. Just one more.

 

Look around you: do your peers have any sort of advantage?

 

They're all cleverer, more together, more confident and more focused than I am. Not too mention that they're all normal, have normal families and normal lives.

 

ps: If it comes down to being a drunk on the street, why not try some male modeling?! You looked pretty attractive in the "post your pic" post!

 

Yeah, I don't think so. You have to be really good looking to do that and be confident and look good in clothes and have people like you.

[mitch17]

ive thought about it but killing urself would inflict so much stress on ur loved ones, im a clean freak and i would hate to spill blood on the carpet

 

plus i would only want a pain free death