I just found out my ex-boyfriend has borderline personality disorder

[bethanyfanello]

After he physically assaulted me, I was confused, had a head injury and only had my family and friends to push me into court to get a restraining order. I went back into therapy myself and began to see it all unravel: all of his behavioral patterns and the way our relationship went made him the poster-man for borderline personality disorder.

 

I am an extremely understanding person, especially about the ones I love but at the same time I still feel disposed, used, scared, angry.

 

I am relatively young, in my late 20's and the internet and internet mediums of communication (AOL instant messenger, link removed, blogs, pictures posted on-line) are so prevalent and a part of our everyday lives. I don't want to let him control me anymore, that is to say, I don't want to have to hide myself or block him in fear of him reading my words, but is there anyone out there that has BPD? What would anger you if you saw something about one of your ex's, who you were deeply involved with?

 

I do and did care about him deeply and don't want to upset him for him and I want him to get better. But I am also worried about myself.

 

Please, I'm desperate for any advice.

[DN]

Is bethanyfanello your real name or one by which you can be recognised? If it is I strongly suggest you ask kamurj or avman to change it to something else.

[Maverick32x]

I'm confused on what you want to know... what would make him really angry?

[Juliana]

Let me understand this: Your psychiatrist has diagnosed someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, without ever having met them? That is staggeringly inappropriate.

 

It is impossible to say whether or not your ex has a personality disorder, an inability to control their anger, or a chemical imbalance. Very often, the major personality disorders are co-morbid with each other, or with mood disorders. Your psychiatrist can speculate; s/he cannot diagnose. Unless he has been diagnosed by a doctor he has seen, and you have somehow learned of the diagnosis, speculation is all you've got, informed though it may be.

 

However, without labelling your ex as having a particular disorder, all you need to do is look at his behaviour, and react accordingly: Do what you need to do to make yourself safe. Do not go where he is, do not associate with his friends, do not talk to his relatives. If you go online, make sure you do not visit his homepage or myspace pages. Use a false name. Do not give your passwords to anyone.

 

When we are injured by someone, part of the healing process is wanting to re-establish our strength and our rights. However, it's important to stay safe, no matter what.