Need help fast...ex said he still loves me

[Kate07]

OK well on sunday night i received a text msg from my ex, it was totally out of the blue and pretty much asked me to hear him out and that while he was with me he was in love with me and that he didnt know why he put me through so much pain while we were together. (we were together for 18months and lived together for 3 and he has cheated on me - slept with another girl once- kissed another girl twice)

 

It has been a month today since we broke up and i am doing well, well i was until this msg. I asked him to call me after i received the msg because i had no idea how to answer the msg and i was curious as to why he sent it and what it meant, (as far as i was concerned he didnt love me, he didnt care about me, he didnt want to talk to me or see me ever again and he certainly didnt think about me- he said he had been considering sending this msg for a few days now)

 

We talked on the phone for almost 4 hours, it was really good, for the first 3 hours of the conversation he pretty much sat there and cried while i said how i felt and how badly he had treated me and how i was happier without him. I said how i was doing well and how i wasnt looking back, but the problem was the more i spoke to him the more the old feelings of loving him came back. Eventually i told him that despite everything i still love him, or that i was a bit confused with whether i loved him or loved the idea of being in love (i have forgotten that feeling already) and that i wasnt sure if i missed him or just missed the companionship and the company (im still not 100% sure). In the end he told me that he still loves me and i was like NO!! you didnt just say that (it makes it lots more complicated now) I said that i felt like i just wanted to say lets give it another go etc but he was like dont say that, im like i know but i want to anyway. Eventually he said that he thought it could work between us and that he would never cheat on me again (Im not going to believe that 100%). I asked him if he loved me or was in love with me, he said that a part of him was still in love with me. We talked about whether we should get back together and he in the end said no dont say it now think about it for a couple of days and sleep on it and give me a call on tues and we wil talk about it then.

 

So now im supposed to call him tonight and tell him whether i want to be with him but i just dont know. I love him i know that but i dont know whether im in love with him and i have been heaps happier since we broke up but i also dont want to say no i dont want to be with you and give up on a good thing, what if he has changed, I could miss out on that. But i dont want to go back to the way it was, i dont want to be depressed anymore, i dont want to need him anymore and while i know i am in a different space right now, i dont know if my mind is strong enough to stay in that space and not go back to the old feelings.

 

Then i think that i could just give it a try and if it hasnt changed then i could just break up with him but i dont know if i am strong enough to do that either.

 

At this stage i have decided that i will tell him that if he wants to get back together then he has to fight for me, and that he has to earn my trust back and that his road trip he has planned for over his holidays he doesnt get to go on (im not 100% sure how in concrete these plans are-knowing him they may not go ahead) and that i get him new years eve to myself. I have a feeling that he may not say that this is ok and thereforeeee im off the hook a bit but then again i dont know if im strong enough not to comprimise on this.

 

ARRH this is so hard, why did he have to say that he was still in love with me, why did he have to msg me in the first place, he was supposed to be over me and he wasnt supposed to regret it, not this quickly any way!

 

Please help

[RayKay]

Honestly, I really think you need to not get involved again, not with all these doubts and uncertainities about whether you can get over this, and as well as about his intentions.

 

He has cheated on your more than one; I think he is only back as he is a bit lonely.

 

You should not say anything to him about what he needs to fight for. If he wants back in, he should show you through actions and TIME that he means what he says. He should know he needs to earn you back himself.

 

A "part of him" still being in love with you is not enough. No one changes in a month.....you are not giving up on a good thing as that good thing is still out there for you to find.

 

If you have been happier SINCE it ended, that says it all right there honey!

[veneratio]

Yeah, I don't think you should get involved again either. It takes awhile to change something like that.

 

And although my girlfriend cheated on me, it only happened once, and she stopped it before it got too bad. It shouldn't have happened in the first place, but it should only happen once if someone truly cares about you.

[Juliana]

"A part of him still loves you?" What part? Kidney? Hair? I'm at a loss. Let's try again; a part of me still loves you. Hmmm...

 

I'd say no, but that's me. However: You've said you don't think you have the strength to go through this again, but you are. Your strength is obvious in your writing. It's your decision, of course, but don't let fear make it for you. If you think he's serious and you still love him, and he is capable of meeting your conditions, yes. My guess is he won't get past the first conversation when you tell him he can't go on the road trip.

 

You are perfectly right to put your own self-respect first, because without that, you're headed for a world of pain. You don't have to rush to trust him; just let yourself feel what you feel. Maybe only a part of you loves him, now; maybe, after everything that's happened, you would rather love the memory of him, and let it go into the past, than deal with the issues that he brings with him. It's up to you. Sometimes the memory is the best choice.