emotional

[pacopaco]

I broke up with my ex in Feb. due to an infidelity on her part. recently she just got her own place, and is seemingly doing well. we have been speaking. sometimes about things in general, but a lot about us. I told her I was happy for her in her new place. She invited me over on Sunday, and I went just to wish her well. While there, we talked a lot, and she recognizes what she gave up. She admitted to having a good life with me, and her mistake was a big one full of regrets. While we both acknowledged that we still had feelings for each other, I told her that she needs to live on her own and be by herself and figure things out. She said to me that she is thinking about who this "other person" was that hurt me, that she didn't think she was capable of having an affair. I told her that these are good things to think about. She said she is afraid to face them. She is selfish, knows it, and apologized.

we talked and had a good time, just talking about our feelings. I expressed to her the insecurity she put on me, she apoligized again and again. what is bugging me though, is that she was very touchy with me, and wanted hugs, and wanted to hug and kiss me. She asked me to stay the night with her, and I politely declined, but gave in later. did I mess up?

The next day, I bought her a can of pepper spray because her siter was almost raped right outside of her new apartment. Her sister does not live with her but sometimes stays weekends and goes for morning jogs, yes this attempted rape happened in broad daylight! what nerve. I told my ex that what heppened between us has nothing to do with my concern for she and her sister being safe. So I bought the pepper spray, and called her to pick it up after work. well, what happened was that I forgot the pepper spray at work. She lives two blocks from where I work, and so I offered to pick it up and drive to her place once she was home. She called and said "why don't I pick you up, get the spray, and take you home?" I said ok. when she showed up, I got in the car, and she said "you left your light on." i replied "well, I'm coming back." she said "you are?" we kidded and I said "are you kidnapping me?" She said "kind of, i can bring you home in the morning." I said ok. we went to trader joe's and took a little drive before going to her place. again we talked, and again we had sex. I felt good. both of these days didn't feel bad. I think it was the talking and sharing and not just the jumping into bed that made it feel as it should.

Come yesterday, a piece of mail from the IRS, that looked important came for her to my house (we used to live together) and so I called her again to come and pick it up, or i can drop it off once she is inside her home and safe. My intent was just to drop it off. She said she'd come over and pick it up. She came, and I invited her to stay. we talked again. she told me she had ben thinking about "us" all week, and said that she believes there are people who just met, and there are people who are meant to be. I asked her where we fall in, She said "I think we're meant to be." We then talked about how we both need time to think and sort out, and figure things out. all this time, our conversations are going really well. very expressive, and honest. when it's time to go to bed, I tried initiating sex with her. it was about three in the morning, my bad. She said "no," which is ok, but she further went to say "I don't want to be confused, I don't feel sexual." i was like "huh? what about Sunday and Monday night? you were feeling sexual then." A "no, I'm tired" would have been ok with me, or a "how about later?" anything but what she told me because I felt it contradicted her recent behavior, and now I felt used. I told her I felt she used me those two days. out of lonliness, fear of being alone in her place in a bad neighborhood, what ever. She then changed her tune and said "look, i'm just so tired, I work so much and i'm burned out." which is true. she works 12+ days six days a week. I can respect that. but why bring up another reason? I fel bummed out, because I was happy for her that she got a new place, and I was happy that she was realising what she lost, and I was happy that she is thinking about things to better herself and figure out who she is. This morning I get this email, which I don't understand:

 

i know that sometimes i can be just into my own feelings...what else is new. but i don't want to do things i don't feel like doing anymore. i helped a lot in your insecurities, for that i am very sorry. i take full responsibility. i want to change things. i do. not just with you and i, but with my lifestyle. i think it's just the beginning of my career...and yours will soon begin as well. i am not sure of a lot of things, but i can deal with that. i don't want to deal with confusion. or anger. or resentment. or guilt. i need to let go of a lot of things. you're right about that. thanks for being understanding. and just know, that not a lot of things are personal. it's just something that i'm going through.

 

I don't know what to do. go back to NC, or not do NC and if she calls she calls. I'm fine in my own life now, and I do things I want to do. Any serious advice would help, not just "forget about her," kind of talk. This isn't hurting me more than it is confusiing me.

[dogheadma]

It sounds to me that by sending the email she was trying to apologize for the misunderstanding the two of you had the night before in a roundabout way. I think she was probably trying to refer more to the underlying cause of it which seems like it's a case of her being a little insensitive and you being a little too sensitive.

 

If I was in your shoes right now I would'nt worry about nc or no nc. I would just play it by ear and keep my options open.

[pacopaco]

It sounds to me that by sending the email she was trying to apologize for the misunderstanding the two of you had the night before in a roundabout way. I think she was probably trying to refer more to the underlying cause of it which seems like it's a case of her being a little insensitive and you being a little too sensitive.

 

If I was in your shoes right now I would'nt worry about nc or no nc. I would just play it by ear and keep my options open.

 

what do you mean?

[dogheadma]

I mean it seems like the two of you want to keep seeing each other and if I were in your situation I would continue to see her while leaving my options open.

[heloladies21]

Well, seen this kind of situation happen too many times and all it's gonna lead up to is a lot of false hope and a worse broken heart for you in the end. I know there might not be anything you can do to stop yourself from what you want to do, but as long as you know it's coming.

 

This type of hanging around in the background method to get back your ex has never worked to lead back into a lasting relationship.

[pacopaco]

that's the thing. i'm not "trying" to get her back. It just all feels weird. like she's trying to get me back, and i think we just have an agreement that despite her mess up, we're good friends, and we're good together. i don't know.

[dogheadma]

It just all feels weird.

 

If that's true then maybe you should pay more attention to that feeling.

 

Perhaps you need to take some time on your own in order to explore other avenues in your life.