just a suggestion about trust issue - please join in

[silentalways]

first of all i would like to tell everyone that ever went thru a rough breakup that i truly feel for their grief and hurt. its hard enough when an ex hurts us and then we hurt ourselves as well - what i mean is say someone hurts you by doing something that makes u end things - so, u get hurt twice - leaving something u didn't want to and another time by whatever hurt u

personally, there is a this special woman - i love her deeply and i have trust issues just like she does but hers are probably much more difficult to deal with

 

lets say somehow u both know u would and want to try again but nc was in place, a long period of time had passed - so its not just getting back its getting to know all over again really - things happen fast in life, it can turn on a dime [look what i went thru in 3 weeks]

 

so the first thing is u need to decide what it is u actually want, and then get off the computer and start building trust and the best way to do that is GIVE WHAT U GET

 

so lets say my ex says i would be with u right now buty there are 789 issues i have that are blocking me

 

so, we would need to write the list, discuss what she needs to remove that off the list and have a timetable so we don't slack off

 

so just there is the start of trust

 

now, i turn and say to her

 

we can figure things out - it look tough now but working together will get it done - did u want to tell or talk about any of them now?

 

and then we tells me

 

and i listen

 

and we make a list and leave it for now so we can think of things and grab a triple triple

 

and i hope u caught in this little post what i needed for trust

i would think the first thing u bothe

 

lets say - one day u both find yourself on a forum site, start building up, th

 

know and i would love to go therapy with her.

 

and i know she has some concerns regarding trust

 

we both love each other and she can say that and include but i have trust issues and that doesn't make me mad and say something stupid like i would have in the past like 'well, if u really loved me you would just trust me'

 

so, previously i was not only not listening what she was actually saying, but taking one issues she has and giving her another and switching the focus to MEMEMEMEMEMEME

 

now i would say

 

u know what? after what we went thru i don't blame ya - i have some trust issues to - how about we work on a plan to solve that together? i have a few ideas and i would love to hear yers and what issues we need to tackle

 

and she says

 

i do loves me but i don't want things that happened in the past to happen again and get hurt

 

and i say

 

lets get cracking on that list

 

but u know what? before u even tackle that i would suggest that a couple that has been thru a rough period needs to leave it alone for a bit and just do some things where there is no stress and stuff and just rekindle things a bit

 

but most importantly u have to know what u want, what the other wants

 

for example: say i want to be in a real relationship with her - u know marriage

 

and she wants to just date and see how it goes

 

so, obviously we date

 

and last, before u can do any of these things u have to take that first step, each one is trust

 

for example - u get off these web sites and back into the real world by saying ok lets take it slow at first, say we set aside a couple nights a week just to do stuff then after that we talk

 

any comments?