Finals time -- how to respond?

[laboheme]

My ex and I are in the same class, and finals are in a little over a week. What do I do if he asks me if I want to trade notes with him to help us study? He brought up the idea before, but we haven't talked in 2 weeks now, so I don't know if he still wants to or not...and obviously I'm not about to contact him. But what if he does? This is a hypothetical situation that hasn't happened yet, but very well might in the next week, and I'd like to be prepared with an answer in case he approaches me in person rather than over email...

 

These are my options if he suggests trading notes:

 

- Ignore it all (if it's an online message...I obviously can't do that in person).

- "Sure, good idea. We should get together to study, too!" (I would LOVE to spend time with him like that, but I realize that it's probably not going to happen.)

- "Yeah, I'll send mine over email. Good luck studying."

- "No, thanks, I don't think that's necessary. We'll both do fine on our own."

- "You do realize that your notes are worthless compared to mine, right? In fact, I'm pretty sure that you didn't even show up to some lectures. I wouldn't get anything out of this, and I'm not going to give you my notes for your benefit. Bye." (Yes, that's mean, but true. I don't need his notes to study, I'll do well on the final regardless.)

 

So what approach should I take? Cold, enthusiatic and eager-to-please, or mean? (Keeping in mind that I'm quite sure that he's completely over me, as much as I want him to give me another chance.) Thanks in advance...

[Ellie2006]

Hi L,

 

Good luck on your finals!

Anyway, the petty side of me says, go with the last option

 

I'm sure you're not as petty so if you don't care if he gets help from your notes (regardless of whether he "deserves" your help or not), then I would just send him your notes via email (y'know, to minimize the contact).

 

Just my two cents worth ...

[redandblack]

This is actually a suprisingly difficult question. This situation is highly symbolic and there is an awful lot going on. If he's completely over you and he wants to use your notes -- I figure you're fairly intelligent and are doing well, or else he wouldn't have asked -- he is basically using you. You aren't totally over him. He may or may not know this; he probably doesn't care though. (Exes are good at being insensitive jerks. If you haven't talked in two weeks, chances are you aren't truly friends (even if he claims you are). So, if he contacts you for these, I would see what he wants first. If he wants to study together (something actually beneficial academically) then it's just up to how you feel. If he just wants you to give him the notes, you should probably tell him no. Don't let him use you!