what's the other side look like?

[sjv119]

almost everyone who posts here are people who are hung over their past/broken relationship. People who are surprised and devastated that the other person found someone else shortly after breaking up.

 

I'm wondering what the other half who broke your heart move along quickly? Were they just using us? Were they just cold heartless people? You never thought they'd do something so drastic, because we knew that they were the perfect halves....

 

does it matter anymore that we're more resentful of the situation?

 

i read somewhere that the 'offender' had already forgotten that they've offended you long after you've been offended.

[AwdreeHpburn]

sjv - i don't know under which category I fall as I have been in both places - the offender AND the offended...

 

I've heard that too tho - in cases of violent crimes - where the offender isn't emotionally invested, forgets about the crime and his victim almost immediately, but the person he held up at knife or gun point's life is forever affected.

 

I don't know that it's the same scenario with a split up boyfriend and girlfriend.....unless the breaker-upper has criminal tendencies and a string of relationships s/he's knocked off.

 

I tihnk it's just easier to be resentful and angry than it is to be hurt. I'm sure that even the person who did the breaking up/heart breaking from a long-term relationship feels the sting and the pain as well.

[sjv119]

Does it make sense if i changed the word 'offend' to 'resent'?

 

the 'resent-er' had already forgotten that they've created 'resentment' in you, long after that.

[AwdreeHpburn]

That was my point sjv - no - I don't think it does make a difference. I think the difference is in the emotional investment.

 

More often than not, not in every case, but 8 out of 10 times, if you are or have been emotional with someone, and even if you are the ender - the resented - you still remember.

 

People are not robots. They don't just walk out of a relationship - even the ones they've ended - and been like, "Whew. Glad that's over. NEXT"

 

I mean, not usually.

 

Often times and for MOST people, there's a period of depression, instability, fear, etc. All of the emotions everyone else feels... then freedom, relief and THEN moving on.

[sjv119]

freedom, relief and THEN moving on.

 

need to get there now!!!

[silentalways]

Regarding Emotional Investment

 

Sometimes it may appear as one has 'no feelings', that they just moved on but that is never the case. Everyone reacts differently. In many cases, hurt cases people to resent the other person and no longer see them as a person but only as the object that caused the hurt.

 

Resentment is an emotion that breds guilt, malice and anger. It is emotionally disturbing and harmful to your soul and it causes u to relive, in your mind, events you experienced in clouded way, and can cause people to lash out at those that hurt them. It is a dangerous emotion that should be avoided.

 

Resentment is a state of mind that will destroy love and create suffering. It can create the illusion of false cause and effects and that is because u reactions and the emotions brought effect yer perception of how you relate to what happened.

 

Fortunately, since you create this emotion, you can also release it.

[Buttermaker]

This is a good thread. I have been involved in 3 very serious relationships, including marriage. The first relationship ended after 8 years. She broke up with me and met someone else the same day!!!! She didn't even bother to let her heart heal or anything, just went from 1 relationship to another. That was 6 1/2 years ago and to this day they are still together, married and have children.

Then I was with someone for 3 years (married to them for 15 months). She met someone else while we were married! We were married, living together, no signs of a failed marriage and she had a boyfriend. I found out, separated, moved out and we are through. That was 3 years ago. To this day, she is still with him, living in MY house and have a child together.

Finally a 1 year relationship. That ended early this year, but she has not found anyone else. We still chat once in a while on the phone. I have my fingers crossed that we might get back together next year.

Other than those relationships, I have dated women for 2 weeks to 6 months. ALOT of them ended when she broke up with me and then in a day or two, they find someone else! Why do people jump from on relationship to another in the same day or two days later?

Then I start to wonder if it's me. I feel like I am just a practice guy in a practice relationship until the next guy comes along. It's actually pissing me off so much, that I have seriously thought about no longer having a relationship. I have been hurt way too many times and the women I get involve with couldn't care less and move on right away.