cominguproses Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 my ex, who told my friend he knows that he's going to regret letting me go one day, is really into this girl who is COMPLETELY opposite him. she's everything he ever told me he found unattractive, like shes really immature and has few morals, and she doesnt share any of his interests. whhy do guys go after girls they KNOW they dont have a future with?? i just cant figure this out. its eating me apart!! help me, pleaaaaase. Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 maybe he's just going after the first girl he sees alittle bit of interest in trying to get over your relationship together or maybe they have alot more incommon than you think and they will make an amazing couple. i knw that isn't what you want to hear but it could be the truth. Link to comment
MystikalDawn Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 I've done this before...Was so tore up over a relationship, that i kind of went after a girl to take my mind off things...the girl i went after was really into drugs and drinking and all that stuff and im completely different...i would never do thoes things...anyways the relationship only lasted 3 weeks lol but it really worked...really took my mind off of my ex that i was really depressed over. Link to comment
sweetheart21 Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 Maybe he is upset about the break up with you, so he is with her because she is silly and immature and fun. Like just being with her so that he can get over you easier. Link to comment
cominguproses Posted December 6, 2006 Author Share Posted December 6, 2006 do you think maybe he's getting with her to see if he really does have feelings for me? thats what other people say, but i dont know if its that true or not. do guys really hook up with girls to test their feelings for someone else???? Link to comment
sweetheart21 Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 No I dont think he is with her to test if he has feelings for you. If he still had some feelings for you I think he would still be with you. Although there is always a chance he might realise how great you were now that he is with this other girl. I'm not sure. Did he break up with you or did you break up with him? If he broke up with you did he give a reason? Link to comment
mikeca Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 I have read previously that after coming off a certain type of person and relationship, the person craves things on the other side of the spectrum. A complete opposite to what they previously had. Link to comment
SpeedingCars Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 Hey I feel you! My ex is with someone who's TOTALLY a party animal (he's religious and is waaayyy involved in BAND and doesn't drink or smoke..ever!) and already they're having problems... Maybe he feels bad about the relationship STILL, so he's with someone completely opposite of YOU so he won't get reminded of it. It could possibly be a rebound relationship... I'm not sure how that whole, "find someone different from your ex" will work out with you, but for me... they're already having problems because she CHEATED and it's only been one month. I hope you feel better! Don't beat yourself up over it... How old are you, by the way? Link to comment
blender Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 Maybe he's attracted the "situation" with her... because he does not feel he has to be emotionally responsible and mature and committed in a "stituation" with her.. because to him he's NOT ready for a relationship right now, so he's going for the 'opposite' of that... Please remember do NOT take what he is doing personally, he's on his life journey and you are on yours, and perhaps in time your paths may cross again, you will be more wise, each of you. More understanding, and you will look back at this time as an "opportunity" to grow and to remember you are perfectly wonderful on your own for now. He has to make his own choices and remember they are all about "him" and where he is emotionally in his own life, they are not about you. Just like your feelings right now about all this, you are not thinking of him, you are thinking of how this is bothering you. Link to comment
cominguproses Posted December 10, 2006 Author Share Posted December 10, 2006 thanks blender everyone says he's trying to figure out what he wants. not saying i should sit around and wait, but i do agree that i shouldnt take it personally. you made lots of sense to me. thanks you all! Link to comment
blender Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 yes honey, I think for now it's best if you try to get yourself busy with your own life, and stay away from him a bit, you know they say, "you can't see the forrest through the trees", so don't be a "tree" right now, get away, let him have an opportunity to "discover" if he has authentic feelings or not... Have the class and self respect to let him go for now, and get back to finding YOU. Link to comment
cominguproses Posted December 10, 2006 Author Share Posted December 10, 2006 thank you a lot! i know the best thing for me to do is to let go and move away a little, let him discover it for himself, but hes got this extremely flirty immature friend that wants to be with him...i know shes pursuing him. do you think theres ever a chance that a person could date someone completely wrong for them, just to realize that what they had actually worked? also, how do i NOT lose hope if he dates this chic? Link to comment
blender Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 You never lose "hope" for a respectful loving mature committed relationship for yourself, but it might not be with him, and yes he has to go on his own journey, and if this "new" girl has no boundaries, standards and class for her own heart, then he will get bored very fast..that is why YOU must have such standards/boundaries and self respect for your own heart, and start setting some guildlines about having any contact with this guy... but I must say I'm confused, have you started another post where you stated you are having dinner with him tomorrow night? Because I'm answering that one as well.... Link to comment
cominguproses Posted December 10, 2006 Author Share Posted December 10, 2006 yes, i am having dinner with him tomorrow night. this recently developed... Link to comment
cominguproses Posted December 10, 2006 Author Share Posted December 10, 2006 his doing, by the way... Link to comment
blender Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 How do you feel about having dinner with him knowing he's currently seeing someone else? Is this okay for you right now? Are you still too vulnerable? Link to comment
blender Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 P.S. You know it's always a respectful option to say "no" when he asks you out to dinner, if you really want to "blow him away", and you can do so in a kind, classy way, by saying, "As much as I'd love to have dinner with you, it's not my style to be involved with someone whom I've shared great intamcy while at the same time he is seeing someone else, so for now, I think it's best we don't see each other, and if you "discover" in time you have authentic feelings towards me then you may call me. Link to comment
cominguproses Posted December 10, 2006 Author Share Posted December 10, 2006 it bothers me, honestly. but i was thinkin that maybe going out with me, having a fun time and stuff would at least give him a stronger, more positive thought of me when he starts considering a relationship with this new gal is that a bad reason though? Link to comment
blender Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 No honey, it's not a "bad" reason, it' an understandable one, but what will it cost YOU emotionally? That is all I care about. YOU. It's like you are auditioning for someone who already knows you, and for right now, by choosing to accept his dinner invitation without any boundaries or standards regarding your own heart, this action alone tells him that it's "okay" for you if he calls even though he currently not exclusive to you AND he's seeing someone else.. right? You can't do one thing, and then say another.. so it worries me when you say you want to "blow him away", because honestly, people learn to treat us based on how we treat ourselves.. and if we are kind, honest, respectful, set boundaries, then HE will know he has to be on HIS best behavior and make a respectful effort and an exclusive effort if he wants to be with a girl like you, who sets boundaries, and has self respect. Really the healing and respect starts with YOU, and how YOU choose to behave, and what YOU are willing to do regarding your own heart. Remembering that you are wiling to see him even though he's not exclusive with you and he's dating someone else, is that really "okay" for you? so please think it all through, keep talking it all out on here, so if you don't go tomorrow night or if you DO go tomorrow night, YOU can feel good about your choices, and behavior.. Link to comment
cominguproses Posted December 10, 2006 Author Share Posted December 10, 2006 well he's not dating the other girl. they're just friends and i'm blindly assuming he's into her. she been on a trip visiting her family for about the past month, so he hasn't even been able to see her. so he'll be single tomorrow when i go out to eat with him. ive been very good about NC until right now. i only talk to him when he makes an effort to talk to me, and when he does make those efforts, whether it be a call or an email, i wait a few days before returning it. i havent made myself available to him until right now. if that helps any! i hope you dont think i'm seeing some dude who has a gf. does this make the situation any easier to understand? sorry! Link to comment
blender Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 Okay, now it's more clear, you've let your thoughts travel to a place where he is "desiring" this other girl, when in reality you have NO idea if he's even thinking about her.. she's just some girl he knows.. don't let you mind play tricks on you, that you may take out on him. I think it's nice that he called you for dinner, and that you said yes, now just be careful on what your "expectations" are for tomorrow... expectations usually lead to disappointments. So for now make sure you take the time to gather your thoughts, so you can be your honest, sweet, self respecting woman tomorrow night, no games, be honest, happy, kind, and don't try to hard to "impress" upon him that you are sooo happy without him.. okay? I Link to comment
cominguproses Posted December 10, 2006 Author Share Posted December 10, 2006 alright. thanks for all your advice! youve been most helpful, blender Link to comment
blender Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 You're so welcome. And don't let thoughts of that other girl get to you, in life there will always be "other" girls.. YOU are worthy, kind, respectful, classy, and your heart is just vulnerable right now.. so don't let your mind go to places of "what if's" just stay in what "is". He's so fortunate that he gets to spend time with you tomorrow, have fun. And do NOT bring up that other girl during dinner... let that go.. Link to comment
cominguproses Posted December 10, 2006 Author Share Posted December 10, 2006 thank you! i definitely wont bring up that other gal. i hate that its too easy to compare myself to her and to wonder "what ifs" about them. i wish that i was content enough where i just let fate happen and not worry about the day to day. ahhhh! thanks for all your advice though. you're helping me lots! Link to comment
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