sparkle1 Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 Hey people.... I am posting for my friend - as i am unsure of what to say to him at the moment....and could do with your help. My friend and his ex have had a very complicated relationship and break up. The last time they broke up, they done so for 8 months, with her initiating contact and indeed instigating the reunion. The reason for initial break up - her parents didn't approve. They got back together all was going well. She went on hols. On her return she finished with him again. For mainly the same reason. He instigating NC. 3 months they've been over. But...she kept contacting him. He wasn't strong enough to let go. She admits she can't see him for fear of getting back together with him - and that the relationship isn't what she wants. So she admits she still loves him....but not the relationship. My friend needed closure - as the little bit of contact she had was keeping him holding on. He requested a meeting to end it, or get back together (and he of course was hoping for the later.....she originally agreed. Today she has said no. NO contact, no meeting, no back together. He is absolutely gutted. He still has un answered questions. And a lot of love for this girl. What now? I've been with him for 4 weeks, through this whole sordid mess...and its breaking my heart that he is soooo unhappy and i can't help. Any ones insight into this would be very welcome..... HUgs Sparkle Link to comment
honeyspur Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 Unless we heard that conversation between the two of them, this is difficult. It's the kind of thing where we need to know exactly what she said. She may have been very clear and he is just not accepting it. If he feels it was vague and things were left unsaid, it might not necessarily be so. In which case, time is all it takes. (And a good friend like you to check in on him ) Otherwise, I would suggest email or handwritten letter. If you can try talking him into letting go of the expectation and just getting things off his chest, it might go better. If he writes it, he may want to not ask her any questions. Starting out something like this for example: "I just wanted to write to get some things I need to say out of me, so I can start moving on with my life. I don't expect you to write back, unless you want to......" This allows her to make a choice, instead of feeling trapped and forced. It sounds to me like he just needs time and support. You are equipped to help him through it, so kep up the good work! Link to comment
sparkle1 Posted December 4, 2006 Author Share Posted December 4, 2006 honeyspur Thanks for your advise. Its hard when you are 'in' the situation with someone to be honest and be blunt, if that makes sense? When i am on here - i think i can give my piece easilly and hopefully help. I really love this mate to bits, and i wanna rip her eyes out right now. Ohhh love - what is it all about huh? Link to comment
honeyspur Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 I'm tellin' you! Love is a crazy monster sometimes that swallows us whole. We have to tame it, care for it and get it back to what it was really meant to be - a companion that lives side by side with us - that doesn't control but nurture. That stays, even when the physical body we thought it came from has left. How right you are sparkle, how right you are...... Link to comment
Biffy Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 Your friend is very lucky to have someone like you looking out for him. I think all you can advise him to do is to go NC for a while, give her some space to think about things and then ask her one last time to reconsider and then he knows for sure that it's over and he can move on. Link to comment
sparkle1 Posted December 4, 2006 Author Share Posted December 4, 2006 honeyspur - you are soooo correct. Infact i think you are me!! lol. Seriously - i think sometimes love can become an obsession, something that takes over your life - and that isn't how it should be. Like you say it should something that grows you as a person. Doesn't hurt you, or control you. Zom - cheers for your comments. Hopefully he will listen. Although he is now feeling angry...which i suppose is a good emotion to currently have. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! Sparkle xxxx Link to comment
L.J. Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 They broke off twice for mainly the same reason (her parents' disapproval). Unless the girl has a backbone to make her own decision, your friend has more than getting back he can hope for. The last thing he need is to date her and her parent at the same time when she decides to come back. Link to comment
sparkle1 Posted December 4, 2006 Author Share Posted December 4, 2006 L.J couldn't agree more with you. Its just hard isn't it? I think she uses lots of different reasons for not getting back with him. At the end of the day, he is an amazing person and he deserves somone who'll love him for him....and everything he is and has. She has left a very big print on his heart, this is gonna take a lot to get over... Time time time xxxx Link to comment
L.J. Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 Looks like a lose, lose, situation if he request for a meeting without giving it some time. He's an amazing person and deserves more.... if she say NO, he hurts, if she say YES, it means the answer is pending her parents' approval. Tail she wins, head he loose. It's gonna take a lot to get over ... it's gonna take a lot for her to grow and mature. Time time time Link to comment
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