I cant do this anymore

[Kate07]

For the last 6 months of our relationship i was depressed, but something was better then nothing. I have been single for two weeks now and have kept myself busy, but every time i feel like im actually getting somewhere i get kicked in the stomach and sent back to square one.

 

Today i was actually starting to feel like i was getting over him, and like i was moving on with my life. That was until a friend of mine (i have discovered i only have 2 real friends) rang me and told me that she had some bad news and felt like she should tell me, she didnt want me to hear it from somewhere else, It turns out that my ex went and slept with someone who was supposed to be a friend of ours. When she found out that we had broken up she was like that is ok he was a and bagged him out and now not two weeks later she has jumped into his bed, the bed we used to sleep in.

 

I know i have a huge personal journey to travel but right now i dont want to travel it, i want to either die or just be over it and through the crap. WHy is it so hard for me to move on and he can just do it straight away and so easily.

 

He told me last week that he still cares about me and while he isnt in love with me he still loves me, how can someone who apparently cares about me and loves me do this, and not only that what have i done to deserve this???

 

I just dont have the energy anymore, i cant go through this.

[Aschleigh]

Just becuase he had sex with someone doesn't mean he's over you. Often it seems like that's how guys deal with break ups. They use sex to distance themselves from their exes.

It sucks. He loves you but can't be with you for whatever reason.

You deserve someone who really wants to be with you. You will find them, it will take time.

He's just trying to cope in his own way.

[Kate07]

I know that he is using the sex to get over me or at least forget me. He has told me that while he still loves me he isnt in-love with me, but why did he have to sleep with two girls in two weekends? And not only that why did one of them have to be a mutual friend and why did he have to sleep with her in the bed we used to sleep together in?

 

I just wish he was hurting, part of me thought that even if he was going out and sleeping around (i expected it-didnt stop it hurting) it wouldnt matter as much because he wasnt getting what we had but a part of me thinks that he didnt think what we had was special.

 

I used to think that when we broke up he would do this, and eventually he would realise what he had lost and he would realise that he was lonely, i didnt know if he would ever come back but i was happy knowing that he was lonely and knew i was doing better and was strong, now i am not so sure.

 

It feels like he is the strong one and im the one who is left picking up the pieces of my broken heart and not only that i feel so alone, as i said i have a long personal journey and im not about to follow in his footsteps (i dont want to be the one who sleeps with someone who has a gf sitting at home waiting for him- i have been the gf and i wouldnt wish that feeling on anyone), i just dont want to take the journey, i want it to be over but i also want him to miss me, obviously he wont be missing me on a physical level but maybe just a little bit on an emotional level, we were best friends before we got together and he was always my best friend while we were together and now i have no one to talk to.

 

I have discovered by going through this break up that i only have two real friends that i am close to and who i can call on but i feel like i may be pushing that a bit far, like i have bothered them with my problems enough and that they are getting sick of hearing about them.

 

However i do also feel like i am making a little bit of progress, basically because when i found out that he had slept with the first girl i cried all that night and the next day, i have only cried for a couple of hours this time and i am starting to feel a bit stronger so hopefully i am making some progress.

[D1886]

I'm with you kate, I'm 20 and hurt in the same way you are. My ex is an ex girlfriend, sleeping with others, it hurts so bad, anyways, I'm with ya, as unhelpful as I know it is. I love ya, lol.

[Kate07]

Thanks heaps, It is nice to know that there is someone else out there who is thinking and feeling the same as i am.

 

I have just printed off my posts and burnt them in a hope to release some energy that he is still getting from me, and also to help me get some closure.

 

I know he was over me before we broke up but i thought he may be a bit remorseful and would have missed me a little bit, this is now the longest we have gone in 19 months of not talking and i am supposed to be going out for a birthday dinner for a mutual friend of ours on friday night, That however is still not decided on as he and the 'friend' he slept with will both be there and basically i really want to start a fresh, i want to get some new friends and surround myself with people who actually care about me rather then people who say they care about me and do the complete opposite.

 

I dont know if i am missing him or if i am missing that closeness with someone, i knew we would never last (basically becasue i didnt trust him and i didnt want a long term relationship without trust) but i also didnt want to go through this pain. I cant wait until i am happy again, and over him and have my own life without him and have found someone who actually cares about me and who loves me for me and who will treat me with the respect i deserve.

 

So to everyone out there a toast, to new beginnings and to future happiness as our own people, Cheers!