kickedin Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 i am fighting back tears i want to call her i want to die inside.........i dont want to goout i cnat get anything done it hurts so bad....shes treating me like i cheated on her.......and just stone cold dropped me....(as she always does for a week) will it kill to call her and ask to sit down r is that a big nono Link to comment
Scout Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 You know what? You need a good virtual hug and a comforting "There, there!" So...(((HUGS)))) Sorry friend, I know this is hurtful for you. I'm sorry your girl appears to do this on a somewhat regular basis, based on your comments above. Probably not the best time to suggest it since you obviously still care about her a great deal...but do you think at some point you might want to consider breaking yourself free from this painful, unstable situation with her? As in...go in NC for good so that you're free to meet someone who will consistently be there with and for you? Again, sorry you're having a bad time of it right now. The pain does come and go in waves, and I bet if you got yourself outside for a good walk or run, you'd feel a little better, and this would subside somewhat. Link to comment
honeyspur Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 How sad! I hope you will get through this. You are very strong and it's time to let the pride in that creep over you. Good for you in resisting the phone call. Kudos for jumping on here in the midst of pain and anger to ask for support. Bravo! It's going to hurt. You're going to feel an almost PHYSICAL urge to pick up the phone or jump into email - but DON'T. Your girl plays games because of her own fear and distress. Staying away while she flips out for the millionth time is probably the wisest thing to do. Set an example by not being available till she acts in a way you like. When she starts up again, try to take a gentle authoritative stance and tell her to leave you alone until she can talk to you the way she wants to be talked to. Good job and good luck. Link to comment
Scout Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 Set an example by not being available till she acts in a way you like. When she starts up again, try to take a gentle authoritative stance and tell her to leave you alone until she can talk to you the way she wants to be talked to. Agreed. Right now, you're in a pattern where you feel controlled by her and her actions (or lack of actions). Take some control back so you don't feel this awful helplessness anymore. For your own sake, whether it results in a reconcilation or not. Link to comment
kickedin Posted November 30, 2006 Author Share Posted November 30, 2006 its jus t so weird............i know shes a ball of fear but i am the one who aloows her back in and then she rips me with her ustablility but when we are together its awesome SHE HAS ALOT OF ISSUES WITH ANXIETY AND STRESS ABOUT SEETTLING DOWN.............I JUST THINK SHE ISNT READY TO DO IT AGAIN (MARRIAGE) AND SHES LOOKING FOR ANYTHING TO BLAME ME Link to comment
honeyspur Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 There is no way to control her feelings or fix them. Perhaps when you are just being yourself, it sets her off. It's the reason you have to buckle down and be firm. Be the stronger one. I believe you thats it's awesome when things are good. A more extreme example would be people involved with domestic violence. They are getting physically beaten - but it's still awesome when there is no conflict. I know there's no fist fighting going on here - but it's the trick that keeps us stuck. Hanging onto the meager shreds of good times keeps our head in the clouds. Accepting the bad has taken over is not eliminating those good times or making them untrue - it's just allowing reality to come into light and show the way. When you decide to fall in love with someone who has serious issues emotionally, you are put in a position as their most intimate confidant, to go above and beyond the call of duty. The catch is, you can't let your self-esteem and faith go down the tubes with them. You have to set an example. The tough love that everyone talks about. The councelor as well as the love of their life. Thats why it's an important decision to make on whether to stay with them. Don't leave just to make them change - leave to show them the tactics they use will not get them what they want. Perhaps you are the first person who will do this for her. Perhaps after much practice at it, she will change her life. Lots of thinking to do here. Are you ready to go above and beyond the call of duty? And possibly receive nothing in return for a long time or possibly never? Lots and lots of thinking...... Link to comment
kickedin Posted November 30, 2006 Author Share Posted November 30, 2006 You Are Correct....i Think If I Leaver Her Alone And Get A Backbone And Say No......she Will Realize I Am Not A Yo Yo Link to comment
darkspace Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 I agree so much with honey on this one, are you prepared to go the extra mile and go beyond the call of duty, how much do you love her...i can tell a hell of a lot, but can your heart take it anymore? Im not sure where i stand on being unavailable and things so that she would miss you, if you became a little more unavailable no doubt she would start to panic and miss you, but this may make her quite angry? Sorry ive not been much help, ive just wandered around the subject, but it something ive been in, and i decided to stick with it and help them through their problems, my heart has taken so much beating, but i love her and know she loves me, even though she doesnt express it too much, so ill help her through anything... Link to comment
need2bme Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 It's going to hurt. You're going to feel an almost PHYSICAL urge to pick up the phone or jump into email - but DON'T. WOW! Well said. It IS a physical urge and one we should resist. I have an addictive personality, but one thing I NEVER did was let anything or anyone, run over me, while I was doing what I was addicted to. Not so in relationships. Just call. If you can only call, everything will be alright. WRONG!!! WRONG!!! Alright for whom? Take a breath, cry if you must, but don't CALL! You Are Correct....i Think If I Leaver Her Alone And Get A Backbone And Say No......she Will Realize I Am Not A Yo Yo Are you going to show her you are not a yo-yo, so she can talk to you, work it out and then treat you like a yo-yo? Who is the backbone for? You or her? You make it sound as if you are trying to convince her you have one. Just have one already. I have been there, I know. Couldn't concentrate at work. Couldn't get things done in my life. Tied up my self worth into her...WHY? She didn't give a crap when making you a yo-yo. Don't you? Link to comment
kickedin Posted November 30, 2006 Author Share Posted November 30, 2006 i just want to stan dmy ground at this point if she comes back around i love her and i know i need to do it Link to comment
Scout Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 Don't forget to love yourself, too. Be good to yourself and you will attract people who will be good to you. Link to comment
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