AGHHHH!!!!! I Messed up!!

[DMXtreme]

ok, so I messed up today, I broke NC! well not really, I know none of you know my story but to make it short, my ex and I were together for a year, shes is 19 and Im 25,we fell fast but it was real. We never fought and we were the best couple ever, people were shocked when we broke it off 2 months ago. She wanted to be "free and single" and that she was confused about her life but she has been "seeing" and guy for those 2 months which I'm ok with because I highly doubt they will last, they havent made it official for some reason. I always told her she was too young to settle down anways but she swore to God that I was it for her, that she loved me blah blah blah and so on.

 

Anyways, I initiated NC for my own good but she kept keeping in touch. Finally she insisted on seeing me so I caved in. I thought I was strong enough and still think that. So we met up at her apartment and things were smooth. Thing is she was wearing a sexy outfit and I knew she was trying to get my attention. After we talked about things she started to give me "the look" she used to give me when she wanted sex. I caved and I initiated contact. It got hot and heavy and pretty soon I could tell I was seducing her. But that wasnt the case, she resisted and told me she was feeling bad cause she knew this wasnt right.

 

I knew this was going to happen, I prepared for it!! I asked her why she wanted to see me and of course she told me she missed me and wanted to hang out with me eventhough she really likes this new guy and she was confused, that I turn her on and that she wanted to have sex so bad but she felt confused about it. I just left and told her to figure things out and that I will not tolerate any games played by her.

 

I love this girl with all my heart but I will not let her string me along. Ive been ok with not seeing her, I;ve been on a few dates but no one compares to her of course. I know NC is the best solution by it;s such a drag. She says she loves to hang out with me and that she gets so turned on by me but I know she just wants her cake and to eat it too. It;s sickening but I just wanted to vent. Luckly for me I have family and friends to help me heal. Oh this is so tough that I feel like breaking down...am I doing the right thing?

[Survictor]

Yes! She is too young and is unsure of her own mind, whilst you know yours!

[DMXtreme]

It sucks...it really does, I love her and miss her but in no way will I let her bring me down. She is young and that was my mistake for dating her but she insisted that I was what she wanted in life and that we will get married with kids and I really want that but she is 19. She still wont tell me why she wants to be with him eventhough I give her everything she needs in a man. I need NC, I know that but it feels wrong. I took off and she just stared at me looking defeated, she didnt want to have sex cause she felt bad but she wouldnt tell me why. (uhhh maybe cause she is seeing that new dude but wont admit it)

[Survictor]

Perhaps she is. You seem to be looking for excuses so that you can go back with her. Why? So she can screw up your head? She obviously doesn't love this other guy (or you wouldn't be still around) and she obviously doesn't really love you either. Sorry, but that's the way it is. You are allowing this to continue. Why? You want to win.

 

So is it a game for you too?

 

Stay NC.

[D1886]

wow, that last post was amazing after reading the previous posts, im gonna read this over and over, but I hope I don't contact her and say something, because i am so tempted to contact her and say, so who are you thinking about or are you thinking about someone. It hurts me so much, because I know, I really know, that in like 10 years at the very latest, I'm gonna be laughing at this prolly or at least look at this as a stupid, yet very meaningful learning experience.

[Juha]

She can't tell you why because she does not know why...

 

SHe is too immature to figure things out...

 

It was fun while it lasted but don't let her emotional immaturity bring you down anymore...

 

You will only hurt yourself more if you let her indecision affect you...

[D1886]

I want to text her so bad, please someone stop me. I just sent a really sweet text to my sister and want to send the same to the ex, but I'm so scared and rightfully so, she told me last night she doesn't want anything between us anymore, but I keep feeling that if I send this she will change her mind.........urgent, please

[Biffy]

I keep feeling that if I send this she will change her mind

 

You may "feel" that but what does your head say about the whole thing?

 

I think you know that it won't change anything. NC all the way sir.

[D1886]

Your'e right, keep saying it, ha, im so pathetic.....i keep thinking she's hooking up with someone else, it's been 4 months so i feel like she will

[Biffy]

Your'e right, keep saying it, ha, im so pathetic.....i keep thinking she's hooking up with someone else, it's been 4 months so i feel like she will

 

There's nothing pathetic about it - You love this girl and want her back, there's nothing pathetic about that at all. You just have to move on though I'm afraid, she's made her decision and nothing you can do will change her mind. All you can do is cut her out of your life - no relationship means no friendship either at least until you feel you don't want her in any romantic way. Work on you, worry about you. Apply negative thoughts of her each time a positive one pops into your head.

[DMXtreme]

Perhaps she is. You seem to be looking for excuses so that you can go back with her. Why? So she can screw up your head? She obviously doesn't love this other guy (or you wouldn't be still around) and she obviously doesn't really love you either. Sorry, but that's the way it is. You are allowing this to continue. Why? You want to win.

 

So is it a game for you too?

 

Stay NC.

 

I have no idea why I allowed this, moment of weakness perhaps. I'm a pretty strong guy emotionally and I thought I could handle meeting up with her. I was ok with talking with her, even about her new toy but I wasnt strong enough to resist her moves. But then I realized what she was doing with me so I took off.

 

NC from now on, I hate to ignore her calls, texts but it;s for the best. Let her be with the new guy, I know she will still think about me and miss me, and I will let her. I will move on and be ok because I have already been through 2 other major breakups and have survived. Each of those two I have become stronger and a better person. Future here I come!