Still looking at teen porn

[hayleleanne]

I have posted on here before with the same problem. My husband of 1 1/2 yrs. likes to look at teen porn. We have discussed, fought and agreed no more of the teen sites, just the normal ones, but he still does. I don't understand-"Hi, I'm Emily, don't worry, I'm legal and 18". Well Emily is dressed to look like she is 12 or 13 and truly does look like she is 12 or 13. What truly bothers me now other than the lying is that-he likes to look at these images. OK they are not real, but they are one step away from being child porn. And this is what he enjoys looking at??? By the way he is 48 I am 49. We both look young for our age and have a good sex life I know that he loves me but this is ruining our marriage. Had I known this before there would never have been a marriage. I can't justify this. I have 2 granddaughters. Any help would be appreciated.](*,)

[LostInMyThoughts]

Ouch tough subject.

 

If normal porn is okay, what is your objection with "legal teen porn?"

 

Is it the idea that he fantasizes about being with young girls, potentially underage girls?

 

I'm not suggesting you should be okay with his behavior, I just want to know what the distinction is.

[Meow18]

Honestly, I'm not sure there really is much more you can do. It's too bad that he's disrespecting you enough that he needs to tell you he won't do it, but does it behind your back.

 

But you have already talked about it with him. And he isn't willing to stop for you. You either have to accept it, or take serious action.

[Dako]

Maybe he's trying to relive his youth or some other angle. Has he explained it to you, or is it too awkward to discuss? He may have some explanation.

I hope so.

 

I also find it disturbing.

[hayleleanne]

Normal porn I don't have a problem with but when it is all teen and these girls look as they do (like 13 year olds) then yes I have a problem. And yes, it would bother me that any 40 some adult would want to have sex with an underage minor.

[hayleleanne]

Replying to Dako. Yes we hav discussed this in great length. He did say that maybe it is because he was married young and didn't have the chance to date a lot. But still, that young?

[Dako]

At risk of falling into the trap of labeling him, he's at an age where some guys get nostalgic about youth. Yes, I'm thinking midlife crisis.

Could just be a curiosity about it, but not an obsession.

[LostInMyThoughts]

Normal porn I don't have a problem with but when it is all teen and these girls look as they do (like 13 year olds) then yes I have a problem. And yes, it would bother me that any 40 some adult would want to have sex with an underage minor.

 

I guess like someone else posted, either accept it, or do something extreme.

[BellaDonna]

Normal porn I don't have a problem with but when it is all teen and these girls look as they do (like 13 year olds) then yes I have a problem. And yes, it would bother me that any 40 some adult would want to have sex with an underage minor.

I have to say that I agree with you. I personally find any porn that even suggests sex with under-aged people to be very distasteful and disturbing. It goes right up there with porn that has rape themes. I think it crosses a line from "normal sexuality" into a world of extreme perversion. It's not your typical porn. There's something inherently wrong about it which makes me cringe. I think it's "ok" for adults to fantasize about being with other adults- but when you have people pretending to be children and used as sexual objects- even if they are "really 18"- the concept of molestation is still there- and it's sad and scary that some people are turned on by it.

 

I think I once responded to your other post about this. Once it reaches this level, I'm truly not sure what can be done. I think counseling might be the only thing that can bring the 2 of you to an understanding about this.

 

I have 2 granddaughters.

 

If I were in your shoes, that would by far bother me the most.

 

Had I known this before there would never have been a marriage.

 

I am a pretty open-minded/sexually liberated person with a lot of understanding- but honestly, if it were me, I'd dump him. It would revolt me to even share a bed with someone who felt that way. I have a zero tolerance policy for that sort of thing when it involves children or childish themes. My own mother was sexually abused - and things like that are a slap in the face for abuse victims or victims of other child-crimes. The fact that there's a market for it makes me nauseous.

 

He is your husband and you must love him, so maybe there is a chance for the marriage to be saved. You'll both need to be open for that to happen though, and I think counseling is definitely required in this situation.

 

Under most circumstances I think it's unfair to impose "rules" on a spouse of what they can or can't do- but if this hurts you that deeply, and he knows it- for him to continue to think that porn sites of perceived 13 year-olds are more important than his wife- I think that says something about his priorities and his character. You don't have to sit back and take it. This is more than just a harmless "fantasy", I believe one must have a level of sickness or a criminal-type mind to be turned on by the abuse (whether real or fake with actors) of supposed pre-teens. Sorry to say that, I don't want to make you feel worse. I do think professional help is in order though. I do hope things get better for you and your marriage, or that you can find the strength to leave if they don't.

 

((Hugs))

 

BellaDonna

[hayleleanne]

Thank you all for your thoughts. I do appreciate it.

[LostInMyThoughts]

This is a tough situation, because well, we don't know whats going on in his head.

 

Is he looking at these girls wishing he could have sex with 13 year olds? I don't know. It plausible, that when he's looking at these girls, he's not fantasizing about being a 40 year old man having sex with a 13-18 year old. He could be fantasizing about being a 13 year old horny boy having sex with another 13 year old. It's like adults who still watch cartoons from their childhood. They don't do it because they get enjoyment fromt he cartoons per-se, but instead from reliving their childhood. Maybe he's just reliving being a young horny teenager.

 

Who knows.

 

Do these girls really look like they are 13 year olds? Seems subjective.

 

I like the idea of seeing a counselor.

 

Obviously this behavior needs to stop because of the problems the OP has with it, but I guess I wanted to temper the discussion because it looked like people were insinuating that he might have pedophile tendancies.

 

None of us are tried pyschiatrists, nor are we trained sex therapists, so offering that sort of judgement on this forum isn't really a good idea.