Does true love have to be forever?

[Anna.]

Sometimes I wonder if I love him as much as I do, mainly b/c he loves me so much and treats me so well. I don't think that if I ever left him, I would get treated as well or truly loved as much ever again.

 

And it is long distance right now, and it's always been long distance, but we have been together over a year and we spend face to face time together atleast every two weeks. And I live where we're both from and am close to his family. But we haven't been together here, you know? So I'm trusting that he won't change when he moves back.

 

Sometimes, I am passionately in-love with him, some days I am comfortably in-love with him, but some days I honestly wonder if its worth it and I really don't know if it is (he has a ridiculous amount of baggage that comes with him, but I don't really blame him for it, it's a product of circumstances and plain bad luck). And not much, but sometimes, I just am not sure he's the best match for me at all.

 

When I met him, I remember thinking, if I can just have him, I don't need anybody else, ever. If I can have him, I'll be fine. And most days and on the ones I spend with him especially, I still feel that way. But I can't tell him I do not have doubts about us still, b/c I do. I love this man; I truly do and I thank the good Lord for putting him in my life, b/c sometimes I think he's the only thing worth keeping my head up for.

 

I know that for the time we have been together, he has been an amazing influence on my life and I on his, and I know deep in my soul, we were truly meant to love each other, but I'm just not positive I was meant to be with him for the rest of my life. We have different ideas for where/how we're gonna live, granted neither of us have our plans set in stone, but our general ideas are different. We have also have different interests.

 

Any advice?

[FortunateOne]

This is due to your age and it's what growth and wisdom is all about. You both are working to find your self indentity in the world and, sad to say, it may not work. Just roll with it now and figure out what you want out of life, then focus on that. If God meant it to be then it will. Keep faith in you for the great future God has in store for you.

[Anna.]

MG, I believe you are right about my age. The thing is, is that I'm about to turn 22 and he's about to turn 28.

 

He has an 8 year old son. He knows more of what he wants. He wants to get married and have more kids as soon as possible, but I have atleast 2 more years of school, and that's if I just get a bachelor's degree. I am not as ready to be completely grown, to be honest, whereas he is and has to be. Hejust wants a house, a yard, a bunch of kids and a dog. And I do understand that we have to be more stable b/c he has a child. I would never ask him to do anything that would not be in the best interest of his child.

 

So we are at different places in our lives. I'm still trying to figure out who exactly I am and what exactly I want to be.

 

But at the end of the day, I cringe at the thought of not being loved by him and having him to give my love to.

[FortunateOne]

This is why most young adults hate to get too serious with their lovers. You need to take it slow and see where this leads. All I know from friends that got married young is that their identity changed and thereforeeee their relationships ended in divorce in their late twenties due to the different wants in life.

[Kasai]

I believe this strongly - It's okay to just love him. Just don't let him pursuade you from school or a career and doing what you want, in order to have kids.

 

Man, I'm in a similar situation... but I'm so inexperienced. You probably shouldn't listen to me.

[caro33]

I agree with the other posters' statements but also will put a spanner in the works - it's my experience that you never hit an age when you feel 'old enough' or unambiguously 'ready' for a major life change. Relationships, with all their highs and lows and rocky emotional terrain do not necessarily get easier to work out. But yes, you do get to know yourself better with age, absolutely. You get the confidence to back yourself more than you might have had 10 years earlier.

 

I wasn't sure about marriage/babies this year, at age 33, and I have the perfect guy. It's a huge step. No wonder you're feeling pressured at 22.

 

So I guess they are the two threads of the issue worth separating:

 

1) Do exactly what feels right, do not second guess yourself. If you want to pursue your education you must do so. A man who loves you and supports you (and who you should marry no less) will not undermine these needs of yours. You have years yet to have children if you want to.

 

2) Try not to set too high expectations for yourself. I think our moods always change if we stop to look at them. You can be besotted with someone one day, grumpy with them the next, indifferent to them for a while while you watch your favourite TV programme, etc. I'm not talking violent mood swings but just the usual ebb and flow of things. I think that if you average out how you feel and it's good, if you miss the other person if you've not seen them for a day, if you look forward to seeing them, you probably 'love' them.

 

Ah, 'the rest of your life'. Seriously, is there a concept more difficult to get your head around? I got married a couple of months ago, and made commitments for the rest of my life. Even when you are 33, have your career down, know the guy is perfect and he's all you could want in a partner, this concept is slippery and can be terrifying.

[redrose85]

I'm also 21, and not completely inexperienced, but I have the same feelings sometimes, much as I hate to admit it. My bf is a year younger, so we are in the same place, wanting to go to school, get careers started etc... and we discuss what we want for the future. We've discussed not living together before marriage, etc... But sometimes I do have nagging doubts, nothing significant, and I used to let it get me down, but then I figured out that you have to just enjoy the ride. If it's time to get off and try something new, or even be by yourself for awhile and really figure out who you are, you will know, and you need to follow that intuition. I'm afraid too somedays, but everything always works out in the way that it should, somehow.