Advice: How long NC?

[sadmaggie]

Well, me and the guy I was dating for 8 months (been friends for 13 yrs) got into a huge fight I already wrote about. Let's just say, it was the worst I ever acted and I had WAY too much to drink. We ended up making up, (or so I thought). I spent the night at his house and he was super cuddly. Even when I was leaving, watching me at his door until I left the street.

 

But, I never heard from him since! He just went into NC.

 

His boss came into town that week and I know he had a lot to distract him from thinking about me b/c he had day/night meetings all week. But I am in shock that I haven't heard from him. Before that we talked on the phone nightly, and it was even hard to get him off the phone sometimes. My friends are even shocked.

 

Here is a quick synopsis of contact after the fight:

 

Friday: Fight

Saturday: Leave his house at 8:00 p.m., get a call from him around 10 to make sure I was okay.

Sunday: NC from either end

Monday: I sent an online gift certificate w/ a short apology letter and two funny articles via e-mail. Never hear from him.

Tuesday: Call him on my way home. Never hear from him.

NC now for five days.

 

So, I am now focusing on myself and trying not to think about it. But when can I contact him? I know he checks my MySpace page a lot, but not sure if that means anything.

 

BTW, I just want us to be okay. I have known him so long, friendship comes before anything. And I am not just saying that.

[robowarrior]

Enjoy but drink with measure. Don't give another spin to that wheel of hatred, and only bring love and light into the lives of the people that you know.

[sadmaggie]

Believe me when I say I now know the meaning of drinking to your limit. No excuses. I acted ridiculous that night and am genuinely sorry. I am not a person who drinks a lot, I just learned that night it only takes one night of drinking too much to cause damage.

[mattyk]

You have apologised, so there doesn't seem much else you can do. You should probably just respect his space while he works through the issue himself.

 

This sounds pretty hard, since you don't even know how he feels about the whole thing, and also working on your self in NC certainly seems more difficult when you have no idea how long it will last. But at least you won't be pushing him further away by repeated contact and apologies.

[Mavis VDSande]

I agree with Mattyk.

 

Give him some space from you and focus on clearing your thoughts. If you believe that your friendship means more than anything else then I'm sure he'll respect the fact that you are now respecting his wishes to have some time to himself.

 

In any case, I know it sounds cheesy, but time is a great healer.

 

Hugs,

 

MvdS x

[sadmaggie]

Thanks for all your responses. I definitely AGREE and want to give him space. My only worry is he is extremely stubborn, and knowing him for as long as I have, I know he won't call even if he wants to in fear it may go straight into a fight. Seeing him in past friendships and with other women, I know after arguments he tends to sometimes wait until that person calls and acts normal.

 

So, I want to be sure to give him his space and time. I am okay with that. I just wish I knew if calling him in two or five weeks is still pushing it.

 

It is hard! Thanks again for the responses.

[WillieMcWillerson]

Contact him only when you have found a sense of inner peace about the whole thing. In the past I have had a similar falling out and she shut me out for a while but in the end re-initiated contact when she felt better. In the meantime I worked on myself and was in a really good spot after a relatively short period. I called periodically and would leave a message .... what you DO NOT want to do is call more than once a week or so... If you use the rule of feeling good and wanting to share that with him as a guide post you will not do anything wrong....

[sadmaggie]

Contact him only when you have found a sense of inner peace about the whole thing. In the past I have had a similar falling out and she shut me out for a while but in the end re-initiated contact when she felt better. In the meantime I worked on myself and was in a really good spot after a relatively short period. I called periodically and would leave a message .... what you DO NOT want to do is call more than once a week or so... If you use the rule of feeling good and wanting to share that with him as a guide post you will not do anything wrong....

 

Thanks, that helps a lot. I really don't want to force anything (which means I don't want to make contact out of desperation). So, it is good to hear that when you're at a peace, contact hopefully won't seem desperate. It is also good to know there is hope.