Advice pls

[lilsbro]

Hi - I just wanted some opinions on my current issue with my boyfriend and if you feel I am overacting or if I have something to worry about.

My b/f is someone who has many female friends, this situation I have come to terms with, although it did take a while. He finds it easier making female friends than male friends, and I have met a few of these girls and found them really nice and friendly etc.

Lately he has been talking a lot about this girl at work, and mentioned how attractive she is and how he met her sister and she wasn't as attractive as her etc etc, there always seems to be a story about this one girl. One part of me just thinks that if there was anything else he wouldn't be so blatant in my face, but the other part is making me feel insecure. He is 42 and she is early 20's, I am wondering if he is having a middle age crisis crush on her. We have been together for over a year, and overall very happy. He is constantly telling me how attractive I am, and how he loves me. So I am really confused.

This week too - he went out to an event with 2 female friends I have not heard about before, they only had limited tickets and so I didn't go. This has made me feel a bit rejected by him too. I have been a bit distant with him this week, he has text me apologising for going on about his great night when he knows I have had a rubbish week at work etc, and saying he will make up for it at the weekend.

Can I have your honest opinions pls.

[arwen]

Hey lilsbro, welcome to ENA!

 

Well, it would be a small red flag for me if this mentioning continues for a longer while and if the relationship would start to change. Did you read Bridget Jones? She calls it 'mentionitis'

 

I think it is possible he has a little crush on her, but still I wouldn't worry too much about it now. I think that if anything more serious would be going on, he wouldn't mention it like that. Still I can see how comparing her even to her sister is kind of painful. I mean, what is the need to share that with you? But I think he just doesn't see it that way, I don't think he has the wrong intention.

 

About the text, I think he feels something is up and he really wants to make you feel ok. He seems like a great guy. If he keeps mentioning her, or starts acting weird or unusual, then you might want to talk about it.

 

I have done the silent treatment and distance thing in a past relationship and I think it's not the way to go. The thing is, he will be upset by it and wonder what it is about- and as long as you are not open about that and it continues, he will start to feel rejected. And that may backfire. You don't want to make this into some selffulfilling prophecy, right? I think you have a great guy on your hands, just be the great person he knows and loves. If it continues to bother you, just TELL him!

 

Ilse

[Kips]

I've learnt a very valuable lesson this week, communication is essential, explain how you feel and maybe an apology to him for being distant.

 

I agree with Ilse about the crush thing or maybe he justs likes her as a friend, one of my closest friends is male and people read way too much in to.

 

Good luck!

[AwdreeHpburn]

lilsbro - Welcome to ENA!

 

I totally understand your worry.

 

I agree with who said you should just express your concern. Have a chat to him about how you're feeling, what you're thinking etc. Don't forget to leave out the positives though - and us I statements..

 

"I think ..."

 

"I feel.."

 

But be sure to let him know what you think he's doing right as well.

 

Best of luck to you!