using sex toys......

[SeaBisquit]

ok, in a new relationship and having trouble telling my boyfriend what i like and don't like in bed. he has asked me to do somethings that make me feel uncomfortable and i don't know how to tell him to i don't like it. the other night he asked me to do some things i have never done before and after we had sex i started crying because i wasn't comfortable with it. how can i become more comfortable with him?

[vandgsmom]

One, you need to take a deep breath...

 

Two, you and your boyfriend need to take some time OUTSIDE of the bedroom to sit down and discuss where your personal boundries are. Tell him what bothers you and why, and be prepared to give a little. If he was trusting enough in you to ask you to do these things, you owe it to him either to try or compromise or at least talk it out with him....

 

 

Before you can get comfortable with him sexually, tho, you need to be comfortable in your own skin...

Do you have body esteem issues you are dealing with? or are the things he asked you to do just outside of what you consider normal or moral?

[SeaBisquit]

vandgsmom

 

it's more like he is asking me to do things i have never done before. i have never used any kind of toys in the bedroom before. it's normal for him and he has used them in his past relationships. this is my first time so i kinda feel like a virgin to sex toys.

[Day_Walker]

you need to tell him that you are not comfortable with it so he is on notice.

[ratherbesailing]

Seabisquit -

 

We're guys. It is okay to be very specific with us when asking for something or when asking us not to do something. We are terrible mind readers but we do like to please.

 

If you don't make a big deal of it he's not going to freak out if you just say no honey, I'm not ready for that, why don't you do this to me, that I really enjoy. I think if you make a big deal of it and have a sit down discussion you're making this a much bigger issue than it really is to him. He's going to want what you want.

[agent1607307371]

Can I be nosy and ask what kind of sex toys? Because there's a difference between a vibrator and a set of leather and chrome restraints complete with gimp mask...

 

I think the best way to be comfortable in sex is to go slow. Keep it light and non-threatening and you can go to whatever level you want to.

 

But you need to sit down with your bf and talk to him about it, if you have trouble talking about it, maybe writing it in a letter. I'm assuming that he wants you to be comfortable and that can only happen when he knows explicitly how you feel.

 

Have you thought about a safe word? Its basically an immediate stop, no questions asked, to whatever activity you're engaged in. Some people like to use the traffic light system (red = stop, yellow = slower).

[BellaDonna]

You definitely need to be honest with him and tell him that you do not feel comfortable. He cannot read your mind.

 

Maybe someday you will feel differently about it, should you discover that toys can really be your friends. Regardless, you need to speak up now and let him know what you are feeling.

 

BellaDonna

[joiseygrl]

If you're not comfortable just sitting him down and laying it all out for him, how about trying a "sexual fantasy game"? They have all sorts of "board games" where you and your partner swap sexual fantasies with each other. That way he can hear your boundies in a more relaxed setting. And you can hear what he's into BEFORE he brings it into the bedroom. One way or the other, you really have to talk openly about your boundries.