don't like my coworker

[bulletproof]

I work with five other people in my immediate area, and lots of other people that come in and out. There is a woman who sits relatively close to me that I absolutely cannot stand. I am trying to be patient with her, but every time she opens her mouth my skin crawls. She is pretentious and constantly making references to things that she thinks people should know, and also furthering her political agenda on a regular basis. I am polite but think that she's a little afraid of me, as I don't engage her very often.

 

In recent years, I have been making a concerted effort to become more tolerant, and I feel guilty that I have such a strong reaction to her, even if it is just in my own mind. I feel like I am a bad person because I dislike her so much, and that I should feel sorry for her because she clearly has problems that make her behave the way she does. I just can't muster up the compassion I need, though, and I am feeling like a failure as a result. Does anyone else have someone like this in their life? I just don't think that work is the place to discuss politics/religion/other heavy stuff, especially when you're not sure what other people's lives are about. If someone so much as mentions that he went to WalMart, she's off on some rant about how terrible those stores are. And while I may agree with her, I can't bring myself to vocalize it because I loathe her so much. I hate that she's so judgemental, but aren't I equally as judgemental for feeling the way that I do? Should I be making more of an effort? Any thoughts would be appreciated.

[bulletproof]

I know, I totally hear you- that I should just be as nice as possible. Kill with kindness, as the saying goes. I just can't seem to bring myself to do it, though. I feel so fake. I can't tell if the other people are annoyed by her or not. I think maybe one guy is, but that's because he is very similar to me, i.e., intense and intolerant! I hate that I'm this way, but I'm almost true to myself and what I'm feeling to a fault.

 

Ha, that's funny you say that about your coworker with the phone calls. Mine talks to her husband every night, starting the call with, Hi honey! and I always want to stick knives into my ears because her conversations are so mind-numbingly boring and gross. See, I'm a terrible person!! But thanks for posting. I know what the right thing to do is, and I have to make a way better effort. I do try to use humor to some extent, but she is rather humorless and it never makes her stop. Today I actually asked out loud if we could just talk about something shallow for a change, like reality television, which I don't even watch. But I just needed a break from all the politically correct bullsh*t.

[Bethany]

Next time she goes off on one, look at her and say "umm yea ok", then change the subject to something shallow, may seem a litle rude but it's better than reaching boiling point and blowing your top. Eventually she will take the hint. She probably isn't even aware she is doing it, but this will make her think about herself and what she does.

[sparkly]

yeah i know how you feel. There's these two blokes i can't stand working with. i'm good at hiding it though. They're mr.know-it-alls and if you don;t agree with what they're saying you can hit the freeway. People like these 2 really piss me off. The other one wants to know everyone elses business and the other day i told him to mind his own business. Didn't go down too well but i am so sick of his * * * * that i don't give a f%#$

[Twilight777]

I feel your pain! I really do! I'm not in the exact same position as you, but similar. Mine has to do with my roommate, and while she doesn't talk politics, she constantly talks about herself, her family...basically her life is the only subject she can talk about apparently (usually repeating the same boring childish things over and over, as if I cared THAT much about the stuffed bear she had when she was three... I mean, come on!).

 

I got so sick of it, and I realized I was making myself sick. I felt like my blood pressure was going up everytime she opened her mouth, I constantly rolled my eyes, and said, "can't you f-ing shut up about yourself!" in my head. It was not good. One day I actually felt like I was going to pass out because I was bottling everything up inside and not letting this out, and not being able to express to her that I didn't want to listen to her anymore unless she wanted to have a discussion with me (usually it was her talking and me listening) about something other than herself. In her mid-sentence, I literally walked into the bathroom and shut the door. I thought she'd get the picture....she didn't. And as soon as I came out of the bathroom, she started up again. Yeah, she's THAT oblivious.

 

Unfortunately, all the advice in the world about talking to your co-worker won't change her. They are who they are (this is something I've come to realize), and most people who are that oblivious, won't change, even if you tell them. So I decided to change myself. I chose days where I'm going to be tolerant and just be a good listener (ask questions, pretend that I've never heard the story before) and just be kind to her. And then there are days where I feel like I deserve my peace and solitude if I so chose, and those days I won't perpetuate her conversations (I don't nod, or say "uh-huh"). She'll go on for a few minutes even if I do that, but she apparently eventually gets sick of talking to herself that she either shuts up or finds something else to do. I know that that probably makes me look bi-polar or something. But it's my compromise to ensure that our living environment doesn't become a complete disaster.

 

I wish I could give you advice to help your situation, but I think it would take a lot to change your political co-worker (she seems very passionate about her beliefs....and set in her ways).

 

If nothing else, you can always come here to vent...that always helps me... atleast a little

 

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