Have I fallen out of love..

[confused70]

For some background on what I've been through in my relationship:

 

 

 

Now.. I cant tell if I'm in love, out of love, whatever. SHe wants very badly to move back in. All of my kids want for her to move back in. My kids are mad at me for holding out.

 

I dont feel I want to spend time with her. When I look at her now, I dont see the flawless person I saw a year and a half ago. I see the flaws.

 

Does that mean I no longer love her? How can I prove or disprove my love for her to myself? Any ideas?

 

If I do love her, will i ever regain my pride and self-esteem within this relationship?

 

Is it truly time to move on?

 

The responses to the attached post have been very valuable in helping me determine how I feel about what she's done. However, I'm having GREAT difficulty determining how I feel about her and our relationship.

 

Thanks for your time.

[ImThatGirl]

.. and I think she has destroyed the fabric of our relationship...

 

Hey, Confused, I pulled this quote from your other thread.

 

Hope you don't mind.

 

I think it states it quite well. The fabric of the relationship has been destroyed.

 

You both have created jealousy, betrayal, mistrust, and basically sabotaged what you once had together.

 

I'm not sure I could ever get over those feelings that were created while things were so bad.

 

But at the same time, I guess it can be said that maybe she had a midlife crisis. Is she still going to a counselor? Are you?

 

If you are considering another attempt, you both must go to counseling. You both have to stop seeing others. You will both have to understand the amount of proving yourself that is necessary and not have a problem with proving yourself over again.

 

Any chance the two of you can go for a short vacation? Get away from everything and have a chance to determine if this is what you both want?

 

And wow... I don't see how either of you are still standing after everything you've put each other through. Please do make a stand with her if you want to try again. Make it clear that none of it will ever be acceptable again.

[confused70]

But at the same time, I guess it can be said that maybe she had a midlife crisis. Is she still going to a counselor? Are you?

 

If you are considering another attempt, you both must go to counseling. You both have to stop seeing others. You will both have to understand the amount of proving yourself that is necessary and not have a problem with proving yourself over again.

 

Any chance the two of you can go for a short vacation? Get away from everything and have a chance to determine if this is what you both want?

 

And wow... I don't see how either of you are still standing after everything you've put each other through. Please do make a stand with her if you want to try again. Make it clear that none of it will ever be acceptable again.

 

Thanks for the response! I thought about a midlife crisis ,too.. she's only 33, I think it was more triggered by her weight loss and the attention she was getting. I don't know if I want to try again, I don't feel good around her.

 

She has never gone to a therapist (except for mine), I've gone to a therapist and a psychologist and go to a new therapist in two weeks.

 

She has stopped the behavior (three weeks ago) as abruptly as she started it. But, two Sundays ago, she did give her phone number to a guy at the football game to "make me jealous and show me that I still loved her." She responded instantly to his request of her phone number, I think she liked the attention and it had nothing to do with an attempt at jealousy.

 

Unfortunately, a vacation is out of the question right now.

 

If I give it another shot, I will definitely make it clear that this behavior will never again be acceptable.

 

Thanks again for the reply!! Food for thought..

[AwdreeHpburn]

confused - I guess the fact that you're asking at all is pretty revealing. I'd give it some space and time and see how things go apart for a while.......