No contact? or "friends"

[alitaheri]

Hi this is my first post here so to make a long story short. i had a girlfriend of two years break up with me after she just goes to college telling me she wants to be independent and that im holding her back from her experiencing new things. Before she really told me she wanted to break up with me she told me she loves me and she even cried a few times because she thought that we were really over. after she went off to college she started to drink and smoke and do what is typical i guess of a college student but it was never really her. I was worried about that before but not anymore i guess. Now ive tried several things to get her back or to get her to say anything to me but i dunno it seems like im not doing something right. She calls me every other day or so and tells me she misses me but nothing too mushy. What should i do? should i talk to her? should i just do no contact? or should i just talk to her in a manner which shows her im having a blast in college too(which im not im having a horrible time and shes having a great time) what should i do? i really am in love with her and im sure she loves me too, but it just seems like shes so busy and shes doing so many things and i feel like she just abandoned me, someone she loved and was with for two years and then suddenly im out of the picture. please help! im totally lost....no contact? or "friends"?

[Dorsay]

May be ask yourself--should we be friends? If you truly care for each other and enjoy the friendship, may be a healthy friendship can foster LATER. If the reason is hoping for getting back together, then it may not be a good idea. A frequent contact after a break up will confuse you. I hope you can give yourself a little break and a space between you two. You need to accept that it is over and start the healing process.

[friscodj]

Welcome to ENA alitaheri! Good to have you around here!

 

I just posted this in another thread re: staying "friends" (notice quotes) with someone you love and long for who has made the conscious choice to break up with you...

 

I'd rather be hung from a tree by the balls, lit on fire, spun around, and whacked like a pinata by lumberjacks than go through another one of these situations.

 

I've found that deciding things are done, cutting it clean, disappearing for a while, letting the emotions settle down hurts both people a lot at first, but ultimately is the best way for both people to reach a place of peace with things faster.

 

And she is struggling too. Her coping mechanism is to hold on. If you choose this as yours, you are inviting a co-dependent disaster to your dinner party in hell...

 

If either person has feelings like you described of yourself, distance and time are the only solutions to take care of both people's feelings and sanity, and believe me, I've tried damn near every other way imaginable besides distance and time to reach that end...

[blemished]

Another well-said post by Frisco. There are other people out there for friends and relationships. Find them.