Bi guy needs advice about "boyfriend"

[greg22]

I'm in an awkward position and need some guidance.

 

To give you some background, until my present situation all of my "relationships" have been with women. I've had experiences with guys, but it was always just a physical thing (entirely about sex). I met this guy about 5 months ago and he's awesome. We have a lot in common (both athletic, same sense of humor, similar interest, the sex is great etc etc)

 

Anyway, he's the kind of guy that I'd be friends with even if we weren't hooking up so it made sense to see him more on a regular basis. I made it pretty clear up front that I wasn't looking for a "boyfriend" but more of a friend with benefits (if you know what I'm saying)

 

Well we've been hanging out a lot and I thought things were cool, BUT I'm getting the distinct feeling that he wants more of a relationship than I'll ever give him. I'm not the kind of guy that will walk hand in hand with him in the city or who'll introduce him to my parents as my "boyfriend" or a life partner. That's just not me. That'll NEVER be me.

 

It's not that I don't care about him. He is special to me, I enjoy spending time with him, and it's not even like I want to hook up with other people. I just don't see myself having that kind of relationship with a guy.

 

Last night after we had sex we were talking about how I don't want to bottom and is he ok with always being bottom. Well....turns out he's never been a bottom before me and says that I was the first guy he wanted to do that for "becuase I mean so much to him." Freaked me the hell out.

 

The question is....do I need to revisit expectations? I don't want to hurt him or make him feel like I'm using him (because I'm not trying to use anybody) but I feel like he wants this to go somewhere it isn't. At the same time, I don't want to bring it up because even broaching the subject is going to hurt him or make it seem like it's just about the sex and it isn't.

 

HELP. Any else ever been there? What am I supposed to I do?

[segagirl]

Hi Greg,

 

Yes you need to just talk to him, I think he would be less hurt now...then as time passes and he becomes more attached to you.

 

Beyond that, I really think you should take the time to think about why are sacred to be in a relationship with him, sounds like the barriers are fear....not feelings...Just something to be sure you are really assessing

 

But...just talk to him, he deserves to know.

[alex892004]

you have it made!!!!!!!!!

your in a relationship with a guy that is so in to you and your worried about getting a little seriouse> your crazy now dont get me wrong this is a hard thing but you need to love him till he gives you a reason not to! so just let the river of love flow it sounds to me like you really like him.

hope you have fun and it works out!!

[blonde]

- he's awesome

-We have a lot in common (both athletic, same sense of humor, similar interest, the sex is great etc etc)

-guy that I'd be friends with even if we weren't hooking up

-He is special to me

-I enjoy spending time with him

-it's not even like I want to hook up with other people

 

well, that really sounds to be more than friends with benefits. from your side.

i guess you two should work out together why you are afraid of a gay relationship, because it is what you have right now. if you don't want to hold hands in public, fine, but at least you should come to terms with yourself and admit that you already have a relationship with him.

 

b.

[CaryRob]

I'm a bi guy too and married to a woman whom I love very much. I think you need to re-examine your position. You sound like a great couple! What is it that turns you off to having a commitment or something more meaningful with this f-buddy? Is it simply the social stigma of people thinking you're gay? I'm not judging, just asking