Am I doing the right thing

[thoughts]

Things have been up and down in my 1 1/2 yr relationship. But, lately, things have really been a lot better. Until last night. I had major cramps, so, even though I wanted to go out, I stayed in. My BF decides to go out at 3AM - saying he would be back in a few. I keep waking up every hour on the hour, with this gut feeling something is wrong. I text him, I call him...nothing. Finally, at a little after 10AM, he texts me that he had fallen asleep. Now he was just heading down the road, so he had walked, and in his text he wrote that he had fallen asleep and he would be home real soon. A little after noon, he strolls in. Immediately hits the shower. I was relieved he was ok, but totally confused on his actions. Friday night he had cooked me dinner, saturday morning made me breakfast and bought me 5 dozen flowers - i was BLOWN away...on cloud nine. SO, when he was in the shower, imagine my surprise when i asked him if anybody else was at his friends and he said two other women... NOW, i had called him and text msg'd him throughout the night and he didn't respond and now he is telling me that there were women there and i am pathetic for getting mad and thinking he may have cheated. the cheating thing slipped out of my mouth, i really didn't want to every believe he may cheat, but because he hadn't called and i had called him and tried to get in touch with him and he didn't answer or respond to my calls, i have to believe something was not right. he immediately turned the whole situation around and i watched his body language - just read a book on body language - and everything pointed to him lying. i couldnt' deal, packed a bag and i left and all he said was just go. i am devistated because he didn't even fight for me to stay. i don't want to leave him, but he can't treat me like that. i feel pathetic, because when he text msg'd me that he would be home real soon, i basically hung myself out our 6th story window waited to see him running home to me - after a half hour, i leaned in, closed the window and went back to my couch...shivering. no sign of him and then it was over two hrs later before he showed up home. his friend lives in a bad neighborhood and he very easily could've gotten mugged, i had already called his brother out of concern. am i wrong? am i overreacting? i love him but this is way too much for me. i say i'm leaving and he just cracks open a beer and says GO!

[perfectliljewel]

i think you need to talk to him and ask him why he reacted the way he did and you can explain what you were thinking while he was gone. i would have thought the same thing, i'm sure a lot of people would have. honestly, you need to talk to him and then go from there.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

sounds like rather than communicating directly with him, you are trying to force a reaction out of him by threatening to leave... usually doesn't work, especially if he is flirting with other women and thinking about taking up with them (and already has)...

 

i am more concerned about the leaving at 3 a.m. business... why would anyone go out at 3 a.m. except to score drugs, meet up with someone else, or go straight to the all night mart, but then you're not gone 12 hours to pick up milk!! his excause was he's sleeping?? where, and why did he get up from your bed to go sleep somewhere else??

 

my radar would say this guy is seeing someone else (or working on it), and felt guilty so brought you some flowers, then went right out and did it again. he may be a coward who doesn't want to do the heavy lifting in a breakup, i.e., he's trying to piss you off enough that you will break up with him... that kind of 'Fine, go ahead leave' response is not very optimistic in terms of your relationship lasting. he sounds like he wants to go himself, and is just dragging his feet about it.

 

so talk to him and confront the behavior directly, ask him why he was leaving at 3 a.m., and how would he feel if you did the same to him? if he shows little interested in talking it out and repeats this behavior, he's already gone in his mind, and he's just taking his time making the exit... easier for him, miserable for you, so don't let him treat you like this.

[Momene]

I think you're better off without this liar.

[thoughts]

I went home last night after I spoke with my bf briefly and he asked me to come home. I guess I never thought about it that way - but, yeah, i was trying to force his hand - that was SO inciteful. I am a little dramatic...I tried to talk to him. But, I don't know if he was drunk or what...because apparently he feels it's all my fault. I never want to go out and he doesn't like to be cooped up. I think it's a poor excuse. I think we are just at different places in our lives and yeah, drugs played a part. I'm not into the same "extra curricular activities" that he is into. I don't like to drink or do hard core narcotics. I like to chill and smoke pot. But, even still, my evenings do not revolve around that. I think it's an immaturity thing.

[Momene]

It's an immaturity thing that he might never grow out of.