bankrolling his new apartment?

[strength2007]

I have been on the infidelity forum, but this is divorce r/t. My husband of 17 years had two affairs, he now wants a divorce because he doesn't want to hurt me anymore. ( I know, it's a bunch of crap), Anyway, we are going to a mediator for the divorce, we agree on many issues of dividing the assets except for two things. He got an apartment and now is furnishing it with our joint account. He called me from the store asking me if it was a good price for a comforter that he was going to buy for HIS NEW APARTMENT! I told him he was the one that wants to leave the marriage and I am not bankrolling his new place. He has to figure out how to finance it himself. Then he throws the guilt thing at me, I was going to buy one for our son too, don't you want YOUR son to be warm at my apartment? The other issue is his pension and mine. We cashed in one of his pensions to redo our kitchen. I told him when I pay his portion of the equity in the house, it will increase the value, so he is benefiting from that. He also cashed in another pension (He went from job to job for a while, so the pensions where only about $10,000 each) to start his own business. I supported the family for three years while he had his little adventure which failed, then I took out a home equity loan for about $45,000 in my name to pay off the credit cards he ran up trying to make the business work. Now he wants half my pension. Didn't I pay him off already, I feel I paid my dues. Has anyone bankrolled their soon to be ex-spouse new place? Help, I am getting angry and I wanted this to be a friendly divorce, if there is such a thing.

[avman]

Well technically all the assets you own get divided down the middle so your pension and the joint account are 1/2 his. It really doesn't matter what you both decided to do with your money beforehand. They'll usually take a snapshot of what it looks like at a certain point in time and use that as their guide to divide the assets.

 

If it's any consolation he's also responsible for 1/2 the debt. So while he is entitled to 1/2 your pension you can offset that by 1/2 of that home equity loan.

 

It really doesn't matter what he ends up using that money for. He does need a new place to live so if he chooses to spend his 1/2 of the assets furnishing his new place I guess I don't see that as outlandish as you do. I would just take a look at the balance on whatever you agree the division date is and give him 1/2. Then take your 1/2 and close that joint account. Problem solved. Now you don't have to care what he does with the money.

[FortunateOne]

Streangth2007,

 

No, Ive never been in a situation like this, but please go consult with an attorney. I know if you proceed in family court this may cost you a bit, yet in my line of work I've never seen a "friendly" divorce with assets in the middle. One word of advice I'll want you to follow is to completely remove him from any title to asset you're going to keep, specially your home.

 

As a real estate investor in California you wouldn't believe how many times I've bought the 50% interest on property from a disgruntled ex-partner at a discount and them force the sale of the property through a court sactioned sale. It didn't matter what type of vesting was on title since what ever the amount of owners were on title it was always equally devided on any Joint Tenancy or Tenancy In Common regardles if it's community property or not.

 

Once again, please consuolt a family law and real estate attorney in your jurisdiction in order to obtain the best advice and/or results from this dissolution of marriage.

 

MG

[n83]

I agree with MoneyGod ... you are asking legal questions and the answers may vary from state to state. While technically we can give you answers as to how things are SUPPOSED to work, that has no bearing whatsoever in reality.. So you need to find a really good lawyer, so that you're financially protected.

 

Good luck!