No more relationships for now, but then what's left?

[TheDoctor]

Hi there everyone, I have a quick situation to throw at you and I wanted to know what your perspective is. I got out of a really toxic relationship of 1 year just 2 months ago and I'm over her 90% I'd say and definitley doing amazingly well with that. However, I am seriously confused about something in my life right now and I just want to know what your perspective is.

 

I'd say for the better part of the past 4 years the theme to my life has been having a "great relationship" with a woman or finding the right girl to be with. When I broke up with my OTHER ex of 2 years I felt very lost and focused on finding the right girl. I spent about 1 1/2 years and finally found someone I really loved from the get-go until that too ultimatley failed 1 year later. Now, although I do strongly believe in love I just don't feel that particular interest in finding a relationship anymore. But what's confusing is if not that then what? I mean I love dating and going out but I seem to be just focusing on my college work to graduate as a veterinary major. It seems that's all I do but this past 2 months have been really a big question mark on where to go from here. I don't feel scared, I don't feel hurt, or upset I just feel nothing inside right now.

 

I feel as though I'm on the right track in life, but there's this clear feeling that I can't see any woman as of right now as anything more than dating material or friends. I know the obvious response is give it time and it'll come to you, but I'm just wondering that if I clearly feel I'm not interested in anything like that anymore than what is left to focus on. Kind of a hard thing to explain, but responses will be appreciated. THANK YOU

[AngelEyez]

Hey TheDoctor,

 

There's nothing strange about the way you are feeling. I think it's great that you are focusing on college work. I think you should go out and have a great time once in a while. There's nothing wrong with not wanting a relationship at this moment, but I'm sure that want will come back to you in time. Maybe your heart is set on other priorities, instead of finding "Mrs. Right." If this ever happened to me, I would have guessed it was due to depression. But, you're different. You said you don't feel hurt, scared, or upset. I think that's great. I don't think it's wrong to feel nothing at all. Try to get yourself involved in other activities besides college. I'm majoring in Criminology and Justice. The work does get stressful. I try to go out and have fun once in a while. There's a lot more you can focus on. College, work, parties, the casino etc., teehee.

 

AngelEyez

[TheDoctor]

Angeleyez, it's nice to hear from someone who has to focus on work too, however I forgot to leave 1 major part of my story out.

 

My sister, cousin, and I all had really close relationships. We were REALLY there for one another and then my cousin basically is now a club promoter and is lured into a really unhealthy life style that Im not involved ( drinking, womanizing, driving drunk, party to party), and my sister is 29 so she's in a rush to find out if her current bf of 2 months is "THE ONE". So my point is I find myself EXTREMLEY ALONE! They used to be there for me and it hurts me that in my most vulnerable of times in my life they aren't here, I truly think I'm so much stronger because of it. I feel like in Fight Club when he lets his hand burn and no one helps him out of the pain, he finally accepts it and is enlightened. Weird analogy but im sure you guys know where my head is at to a degree.

[AngelEyez]

Hey The_Doctor,

 

Ah, the feeling of being alone. I've been there for many years now. I'm in a long distance relationship, so sometimes it makes it harder. My family is there for me, but I don't really communicate with them all that often. What about friends? I have a few friends myself, and they are usually "too busy" to do anything. Most of the day, I sit on my computer, focus on my studies, and chat on-line. Hey! It's 4:21AM, what do you know, I'm still up, hehe. I know I have to change my habits, and maybe you do too. You feel lonely. It's understandable. I'm not sure about your cousin, Mr. Womanizer...but I'm sure your sister is still there for you. Of course she is focused on her boyfriend of 2 months, but I'm almost positive she's never too busy for her own brother. Hmmm , what to do, what to do...Do something you enjoy doing. Stop relying on people. It may sound harsh, but I've stopped expecting things from people. I've stopped relying on others. I've become more independent, and I think it's an accomplishment. My attitude over the years has bee, "F*** them all." I'm not saying you should take that route . Get involved in new things. Do you like sports? I always seek risk or thrill. Getting involved in a team sport will help you have more friendships with people. It will help you immensely in the long run. If you aren't into sports, join something else. That's what I like about you. You're a fighter! RAWR !

 

AngelEyez

[TheDoctor]

I love fishing and I do it alot. Actually Ive passed the screw them all phase already, infact I dont expect anythin from anyone anymore. I guess its jus takin a toll to feel that way now.

[talo]

You appear to talk of a reduction in the intensity or need to find an exclusive relationship, and yet also of finding yourself extremely alone. Perhaps you have not realised that you are already in a more inclusive relationship; a relationship that you perhaps do not appreciate. How can we ever really be out of relationship...