Maybe I am about to crack... But atleast I am thinking first.

[Jordan5571]

Ok, so it has been 3 weeks of NC. I am hurting deeply, but I think I am handling it well. I am going out every night meeting up with old friends. Something dawned on me today.

 

Three weeks ago, she calls me and tells me that she thinks she made the wrong decision. Well, I was having a good day and it felt good to hear those words. But with my pride and with my brain playing safety, I wont let myself get back into something where she has proved that she has the ability to abandon me. Well, I tried to comfort her over the phone, and I told her many reasons why this was a good thing that she called it quits. I saw her the next day to give her my key because she found a roommate and kept the apartment. She did not act as if she wanted me back anymore.

 

Although her words were not I want you back, it was an idea. Although I know I cant be with her again, and I truly believe that she is probably moved on and in a relationship with someone else, I cant help but think that maybe I pushed her away on that one. Made her believe in the reasons that I made up and with her protection, her convincing herself that I am the wrong thing. Maybe I did shoot myself in the foot.

 

I am writing on here right now because that is everyone's advice. Write first. Then act.

 

I feel that I want to send her a text saying: "Hi, for the record, when we spoke and you told me that you think you might have made the wrong decision, and I told you many reasons why it was good that you left me: Well, I made up all of those reasons to help myself and you feel better. I didn't mean any of them. I just needed to tell you that. I miss you so much. I still think we shouldn't talk anymore if we are over, but I needed to get that off of my chest because I always want to be honest with you. I love you..."

 

Thanks everyone. I love you all. -J.

[friscodj]

I think the idea of sending a text is a good idea for you to get things off your chest, but what you've written here sounds conflicted. From reading this, it sure sounds like you want to get back together, that seems to be the underlying message there...I didn't mean what I said, I miss you, we shouldn't talk anymore if we are over, closed off with an "I love you". I would read that as trying to get back together.

 

Remember this woman abandoned you. Don't forget that. A precedent has been set there. Trust me on that one.

 

And you are giving the reigns to her on this. She thinks she made the wrong decision, you are comforting her. Why give the responsibility for your happiness to someone who abandoned you?

 

Look, you do the best you can with what you have when you have it. We all could go back to our past relationships, pick them apart, find flaws, and beat ourselves up over them. I think you did the best you could in this situation and it is time to lay it to rest.

 

My feeling is you are an attractive, insightful guy with a good heart. A situation where you will love each other like no other and you both will treat each other well will happen upon you. I guarantee it.

[Jordan5571]

Thanks Bro!

 

The message I wrote above should have read without the miss you there, but only at the end. Part of me does want to get back together, but only if we can turn back time. Something deep inside me is telling me that she may do this again, maybe when we have kids, maybe when I am an elder, maybe when I am at the alter. Either way, I dont think I could survive this again. Something is telling me to never look back, I am proud of myself for listening. That and all of your help. Thanks friscodj

[Considerate Empath]

Well sending her a message like that which is just hinting that you still like her and wants to get back together will cause nothing else but more pain than what you had before you got it off your chest. So don't do that. Please.

 

Also - I don't know all the details though - I'm guessing that, as in many cases, she is just worried you moved on before she did, which is why she called you three weeks ago to check that out. As you comforted her (not saying that was the wrong thing to do though) and gave good arguments she did the right choice, she assumed you had not moved on yet, thus explaining the reason as to why she didn't act interested in you the next day.

 

I'm really not saying all this is the likely situation, but I'm just saying that that's what I think there's a pretty good chance of this being true, and that you shouldn't text message her or contact her in any way expressing your current feelings for her as you don't know all the facts about this - especially not if it was provocated by her.

 

 

//C.E.

[psu11]

i understand that feeling your talking about.

 

its nice to think about getting back together with someone who knows everything about you and someone you grown so comfortable with.

 

if my ex ever did come back to me, i'd be cautious and wonder if at any point in my life he'd leave again. my ex broke up with me because of him being unsure about things. i never once questioned my trust in him or his honesty while we were together. but that gut feeling you mention about not going back is prolly due to disenchantment, lack of trust and a little bit of an ego thing

 

hang in there...shes wishy washy.

[Shadows Light]

Everyone has a right to walk away....if its not right, its not right.

 

My "X" and I... early in the game, used to talk about "WHAT IF" situations.. worst case scenario stuff. You know... you see a couple who tears into each other during a break and you SWEAR you wouldn't do that to one another. That sort of thing. We also said.. that the "DOOR" is always OPEN. That if one of us didn't feel right.... the door was always open. WALK.

 

LOL... not so simple once those tangled webs get weaved.

 

In my situation... there have been many many many times I tried to be upfront and tell him things that bugged me or when he'd overstepped a boundary. He wasn't listening. At one point I resorted to start using the big "D" word.. .as emphasis... Oh he heard that and heard it as a threat. I called it a wake up call... "HELLO.. this isn't working for me!! CAN YOU NOT do this or that... can we do this or that differently"... and NO.. nothing ever changed. The cycle kept perpetuating itself until I had no choice but to... take the option behind door number 3 and "WALK".

 

I don't call it abandonment. I call it self-preservation.

 

I thought it was sweet the way you talked to her about her choice. And told her she was right... and sighted all the reasons you should have broken up. At least you were acknowledging some of the issues that maybe WRONG in the relationship. I don't think.. re-tracting those things right now is a good idea. It sounds wishy washy. There are always a ton of reasons to BREAK. But what are the reasons to stay??????????????

 

If you need to get it off your chest then be completely honest. THESE were the reasons I thing the break was a good choice. AND then.. in the second column... and these are the reasons we SHOULD have stayed. And tell her for the record.... you just wanted and needed to get that on the table.

[Jordan5571]

I understand completely with what you are saying and I agree. In fact, I don't blame her for leaving in a way. We had horrible schedules. I worked days, she worked nights. That and she is so pretty, I know that she is hit on all night by good looking guys, then comes home to a sleeping boyfriend. Truth is, all of the reasons I was not happy (I did not realize until after the breakup that there were things that I was unhappy with), and all of the reasons she was unhappy (her reasons contradicted eachother, some I know were bs), all of these reasons, even the bs ones, could have been worked out if she only took a moment to talk to me. Obviously we are wrong if we cannot communicate. The coloumn on the right is really long about staying together, but the other one is short with communication on the top. But I believe that could have been worked on too. Once this went down, I didnt hesitate to fight for her and point out all of my flaws, and even wrote down solutions. When she made up her mind, she was sticking to it.

 

I know what everyone is saying, and I agree. Thats why I came here instead of texting her first.

 

I need these replys. I am growing weak. My heart is, but my head knows this is better for me.

 

I am telling myself that its ok to forgive her in the future, and to let my pride down and consider rekindling if she was open. But that is only if I cannot ever find better. I hate being single, I am not good at this game.

[Jordan5571]

I guess I think if she truly loved me or put 100% into the relationship, maybe she would have talked to me. She always made me feel safe by telling me she was happy with me and loves me and wants to marry me. But being blind that I was, it had stopped somewhere down the line.

 

You know how they say love is blind? Well in mycase, it is always def and dumb too!

 

Thanks for the replys, I hope for some more. Love you all. -J

 

A strange note by the way, besides hard time sleeping (even with pills), (I drown thoughts with load tv that is repetative, the same movies over again), I still wake up at 4:03 every night with dreams about her that she is getting married or she is sleeping with another guy in our room (we had an apartment together, and I left).

[SoontobeRN]

Hey Jord...

Love is like heroin (LET ME FINISH BEFORE YOU THINK I'M CRAZY )

 

Heroin is very addicting...Your body, heart and head are used to being around your ex, and all of the sudden, she's taken from you and you're left wth a craving for her that you can't satisfy! THAT CRAVING is what is making you want to call her...THAT'S NOT YOUR HEART TALKING YOUR HEAD! Quitting a relationship (for both of you) is like quitting your "heroin" cold turkey...As soon as it's gone is when you want it the most!

 

Calling your ex will give you a temporary feeling of relieve, but in time, you will regret your decision (as you already have figured out). Take it from someone who has called the ex many times...after every time, I felt GREAT, but something inside of me was telling me that I shouldn't have done it. Then when I didn't get the responce I wanted from my ex, the pain came back worse than before.

 

You need to get over this hill of wanting/needing your ex...SOON, you'll feel better and you will begin to learn to live without her and you look back at when you wanted to call her and pat yourself on the back for not!

 

DON'T WORRY! IT **WILL** GET BETTER OK!!

Your Day Is Coming...I Promise!!

 

STB

[Jordan5571]

Your right. I am already patting myself on the back for coming here rather than calling her.

 

And thank you, I believe my day is coming. I am just a bit impatient.