Is a guy I've known for 12 years gay?

[Marissa]

Someone please help me out here. I won't get into every detail...it would only confuse you and it's too long of a story to write about here.

 

Ok, here are my questions. As of right now, I believe he is definitely gay. Possibly Bi.

 

But does a "Bi" guy usually have these things/act like this:

 

Is a guy "gay" if he has a white fur rug in his living room?

 

Is a guy "gay" if he has a painting of this french lady's profile with a big black hat, red lipstick

 

Also, we've had many "one nighters" over the years... he always wants oral sex from me more than anything, and has always given me mixed signals about "us".

 

He's 34 - never been engaged or married.

 

One time my friend and I over heard one of this guys close friends on the phone asking another guy if he wanted to "come over and cuddle?" (They thought we had hung up...it was a 3-way conversation).

 

Lives in a townhome, but could live in a house if he wanted too. (Just asking - may seem like a weird question, but I can't get into details)

 

One night my friend and I heard him jokingly calling some of his "guy" friends "bitch" as he was getting out of the car from a night out. (We had stopped by to "chat" (or whatever) and we were waiting for him at his door - he didn't know we were there. He invited us in, and he and I ended up in his bedroom as usual, but this was in the back of my mind and I couldn't do it. I said "I can't do this"....he then said "I can't either". I stayed the night (nothing happened) and got up and left in the morning.

 

One night when I ran into him at a bar he mentioned to his friend "she thinks I'm gay" and his friend just smiled.

 

I emailed him several times a year or so ago asking him to just "tell me" if he was gay and he never responded.

 

He's never said the words "I am not gay".

 

 

I know this may seem obvious to some of you, but it may not to others. You have to understand, he is "obviously" not open about any of this if he is gay or bi. I just don't understand why he wouldn't just tell me after all of these years. We've never had a serious relationship or anything.

I just need some answers/advice. I have no problem if he is gay and I've even told him that. (In one of my emails). I've know him for such a long time, and care about him a great deal. I think it's become more obvious to me and my friends now that we're in our 30's, and I think he may be having a hard time dealing with his sexuality right now. Maybe because he's older and still doesn't know what he wants? I do know that he comes from a very well-off family and has had problems/fights with his dad in the past. He never would get into all the details.

 

Keep in mind I only see him every so often, but he's left me one confused girl.

[Lance]

If it doesn't matter then why push the issue?

[Colls]

Hey i also have recently been tryin to figure out if a guiy i kno is gay. I think he may be gay, but i cant so for sure cuz i dont want u to jump to conclusions and hurt him in the long run. But why wouldnt he deny it? I mean seriously, guys liek to appear manly and are so offended if a grl calls them gay. So that is a sign to me that he may be gay, a big sign lol. IMO. so if he wont answer, maybe he just doesnt want u to kno or ne one to kno right now. Eventually however he may have to tell u, so just hold back and let him come to u.

[Punished Angel]

If it doesn't matter then why push the issue?

 

 

Agreed

[Marissa]

I never said it didn't matter. I matters because I no longer want to have any more sexual encounters with him if he is gay - for many reasons.

 

That's not right for him to keep it a "secret" if we are going to be intimate w/each other. What I meant by "not having a problem" with him being gay is that I wouldn't "judge" him or freak out on him or anything. Sorry I didn't make that clear.

 

Also, I've done everything BUT "push the issue". Trust me. I'm just here to get other's opinions on this. I'm also a little scared now. Scared about HIV, etc... I know "anyone" can get/have HIV, that's not what I mean, so don't get offended by that. But I think I'm justifiably correct to be concerned, that's all.

[Marissa]

Forget it. I thought I'd get some "yes" or "no" answers on this at least.