Approaching Strangers?

[vermilion]

Is it a bad or good idea? Basically, I thought this guy at the library I saw earlier was cute and interesting and he may have been interested in me but I just wasn't sure how to go about starting a conversation with him or anything.

 

The story is sort of drawn-out and embarrassing and maybe not even necessary for this thread, but if you want to read it it's in my journal here:

 

(Third entry)

 

It could be an example of what NOT to do. Haha...anyway if you want to, read it and tell me if you think he could've been interested or what I could've said.

 

Or just give me general tips on talking to people you don't know.

[shygirl79]

hey there,

 

wow, i soooo sympathize with you. the only thing you can do is make yourself a promise that next time you will talk to him no matter what you are wearing. if you want to talk more indepth about this feel free to im me

[sumguy]

I read your entry. Chillax vermillion, everyone has done that on occasion, and they will do it again in the future. I can recall three times just off the top of my head now, it's nothing to stress about, you're not a unique case when it comes to this kind of social blundering.

 

If you see someone you want to talk to - stranger or no stranger - find some common point of interest and engage them in conversation. You said when you first noticed him he was staring, I would have - and have - made some hopefully witty comment about the staring. It opens a dialogue without the hassle of prolonged conversation.

 

Another opportunity would have been to ask him about the books he was reading, his shirt ect... but I bet you've already been through all this in your head. Really, all you can do next time is take the plunge.

 

Also, I applaud your sensibilities for not getting into his car. =)

[vermilion]

hey there,

 

wow, i soooo sympathize with you. the only thing you can do is make yourself a promise that next time you will talk to him no matter what you are wearing. if you want to talk more indepth about this feel free to im me

 

Ah, but haven't you ever been in this sort of situation, where you're thinking,

"Why couldn't I have dressed better??" It's not so easy to approach someone, let alone when you're not looking your best?

 

Another opportunity would have been to ask him about the books he was reading, his shirt ect... but I bet you've already been through all this in your head.

 

Haha..yes, many times.#-o

 

Also, I applaud your sensibilities for not getting into his car. =)

 

Thanks, I'm glad you agree. I thought it wouldn't be a good idea even though he wasn't giving me any creepy vibes, but I called one of my friends when I got home and he was like, "Why didn't you say yes? It was your chance to talk?!"

[Shadows Light]

"Through his eyes he saw light and shadows; through his mind he was aware of moon and stars." Siddhartha, Herman Hesse

 

NICE... I like this.. thank-you.

 

 

OK... art of flirting.. pull up a chair and get a cup of tea.

 

First of all.. I can understand you NOT feeling your very best and at top form. Been there done that.. BUT HE NOTICED YOU... you could have been wearing a potatoe sack and he wouldn't have noticed WHAT you were wearing.. he was looking at YOU.

 

What you lack... is confidence in YOURSELF. And its times like these...that call for an enchanted spell and a bit of magic called... GLAMOUR. In Dr. Phill speak, BELIEVE in YOU.

 

When he looked over at you accross the table and you felt that little .."hmmmm cute... he's kinda cute." thats when you smile. You offer a smile. thats it. Let your eyes light up and smile.

 

When you were in the aisle with the books... OMG.. FATE FATE FATE that you should be in the same aisle. I would have hung back a little too... but when you saw he had 2 books that were obviously books you've read... THIS was a definite opening. You could have said.. "Hey.. those are good books. Are u doing a report? studying? I've read those and..... give your opiion" Its an opening to a conversation... and smile smile smile.

 

When you asked him to reach for a psyche book for you... NICE MOVE... lol.. but there again.. opening to converse. HE needs to know you're gonna let him in. Guys worst FEAR is rejection. You have to open that door a little sweets.

 

The rain... the walk home. yikes......love the way you write. You drew that picture for us very very nicely. He pulls up in a car next to you.....

me??? I can assess a situation quickly..... the way you depicted it doesn't sound like it would have been a dangerous scenario... but you could have...... maybe laughed at his offer.. and said.. "I don't take rides with strangers sweetie..but thanks for the offer." BAM!!! there u have an opening to an introduction.. "My name is John Doe.. and I promise i'm not a serial rapist or stalker" Your line would have been with a grin... "I don't know, I've read that most serial rapist and stalkers hang out in the libraries on Saturdays"... you HAVE to say it with a smile... to which he would have added a quip... and you simply tell him... "I'll take my chances with the rain..mama always told me not to take riders home from strangers.... if your at the library NEXT Saturday, maybe we can get to know each other though.. "

 

You leave an opening. And DO go to the library next Saturday.

 

Your conversation sounded Confident with him, witty and you charmed him with your smile. Guys like confident girls. KNOW what you want... and WHO you are.

 

I read your other posts... the reason those boys are with the other girls isn't so much that they PUT out. It's CONFIDENCE... those girls cultivate confidence and believing in themselves.

 

I call it "GLAMOUR"... look into the mirror... don't be so darned critical of yourself. We are our own worst critics. I bet if you look in that mirror you'll see a gorgeous gorgeous woman who is about to blossem.

 

Your smarts.. your intellect is the most beautiful aspect about any woman. don't let anyone tell you its anything other. Tis not. The rest is window dressing and icing. ANYONE can do that.

[atraceofblood]

I think there's nothing wrong with approaching strangers, that's all I have to say!

[Daddy Bear]

how does that old saying go? strangers are just friends that you haven't met yet?

[shygirl79]

OK... art of flirting.. pull up a chair and get a cup of tea.

 

First of all.. I can understand you NOT feeling your very best and at top form. Been there done that.. BUT HE NOTICED YOU... you could have been wearing a potatoe sack and he wouldn't have noticed WHAT you were wearing.. he was looking at YOU.

 

I toally agree here!!

 

What you lack... is confidence in YOURSELF. And its times like these...that call for an enchanted spell and a bit of magic called... GLAMOUR. In Dr. Phill speak, BELIEVE in YOU.

 

When he looked over at you accross the table and you felt that little .."hmmmm cute... he's kinda cute." thats when you smile. You offer a smile. thats it. Let your eyes light up and smile.

 

This can be so hard to do, especially if you are shy!

 

When you were in the aisle with the books... OMG.. FATE FATE FATE that you should be in the same aisle. I would have hung back a little too... but when you saw he had 2 books that were obviously books you've read... THIS was a definite opening. You could have said.. "Hey.. those are good books. Are u doing a report? studying? I've read those and..... give your opiion" Its an opening to a conversation... and smile smile smile.

 

When you asked him to reach for a psyche book for you... NICE MOVE... lol.. but there again.. opening to converse. HE needs to know you're gonna let him in. Guys worst FEAR is rejection. You have to open that door a little sweets.

 

The rain... the walk home. yikes......love the way you write. You drew that picture for us very very nicely. He pulls up in a car next to you.....

me??? I can assess a situation quickly..... the way you depicted it doesn't sound like it would have been a dangerous scenario... but you could have...... maybe laughed at his offer.. and said.. "I don't take rides with strangers sweetie..but thanks for the offer." BAM!!! there u have an opening to an introduction.. "My name is John Doe.. and I promise i'm not a serial rapist or stalker" Your line would have been with a grin... "I don't know, I've read that most serial rapist and stalkers hang out in the libraries on Saturdays"... you HAVE to say it with a smile... to which he would have added a quip... and you simply tell him... "I'll take my chances with the rain..mama always told me not to take riders home from strangers.... if your at the library NEXT Saturday, maybe we can get to know each other though.. "

 

^Amazing tips here!!!

 

You leave an opening. And DO go to the library next Saturday.

 

Your conversation sounded Confident with him, witty and you charmed him with your smile. Guys like confident girls. KNOW what you want... and WHO you are.

 

I read your other posts... the reason those boys are with the other girls isn't so much that they PUT out. It's CONFIDENCE... those girls cultivate confidence and believing in themselves.

 

I call it "GLAMOUR"... look into the mirror... don't be so darned critical of yourself. We are our own worst critics. I bet if you look in that mirror you'll see a gorgeous gorgeous woman who is about to blossem.

 

So very true

 

Your smarts.. your intellect is the most beautiful aspect about any woman. don't let anyone tell you its anything other. Tis not. The rest is window dressing and icing. ANYONE can do that.

 

 

Shadows you are giving some awesome advice, some that I should probably put to use in my own situation

 

 

Vermilion, take heart, and put on an outfit that makes you feel confident and go study next Sat!!

 

best wishes

SG79

[Shadows Light]

Thanks SG79... lol.

 

I know its hard to believe but I used to be a very shy girl back in H.S. and very self conscience. I had this tall stature to deal with... and just didn't seem to fit in anywhere.

 

Digging deep.... I found my niche and esteem in various sports and endeavors outside of school. I did TONZ of reading... and so wanted to be like the HEROINE's in my books. So, I acted. "FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT"...

 

With my height.. its hard to HIDE walking into a room. So...I opt for making an LOUD entrance.. lol. And... I worked on getting my own style and not following the other sheep. Walk to the beat of my own drum.

 

It does take practice to overcome shyness... getting over the little butterflies in your belly.. and definitely getting over being embarrassed or what people think. The "WHAT OTHERS THINK" part is tough.... very tough to work through. I still have teeny tiny reminants of that one.

 

The one thing I have learned is... YOU need to LOVE yourself first. And be comfortable in your skin. When u can do this.... it oozes out of you. A happy positive attitude and the ability to laugh at yourself and the world... will take you everywhere.

 

love and Light.. Skye

[atraceofblood]

how does that old saying go? strangers are just friends that you haven't met yet?

 

I hope so, because I often hear "Don't talk to stranger." haha

[vermilion]

Thanks Shadows Light for your reply. I meant to respond earlier. Lots of good advice.

 

 

I read your other posts... the reason those boys are with the other girls isn't so much that they PUT out. It's CONFIDENCE... those girls cultivate confidence and believing in themselves.

 

No, my ex always pressured me to go farther with him, and it doesn't surprise me that he's found a girl that will.

[Shadows Light]

Then he isn't worth your time. You should NEVER feel pressured to do anything you don't want to do. "LOVE" is a gift. Expressing your "Love" in the physical sense is a GIFT. It is given freely and when you are ready. NOT before.

 

Making "LOVE" will mean to you if you wait... wait until your mind and body is ready. And don't let anyone else tell you when that time is... YOU will know. This "BOY" is not worth your time. Save yourself and your gift for a man.. in the future.

[jilligirl]

i would've gone up to him and asked him if he's ever seen Buckcherry perform live.

 

then tell him how you've always wanted to see them . . . etc... unless they're a local band that you see quite often, then that's a problem. i've never heard of chuckberry lol kidding buckcherry

[vermilion]

Yeah, they came here over the summer so I did see them. But I should have said something like that.

 

Oh well. Next time something like this happens I'll say something.