please help me

[davejohn]

I am a middle aged man who has fallen in love with a lady in a whilrwind romance. I guess it was love at first sight for both of us. We have only been together for 2 months but I know that this is the love of my life. I know this because I fell in love once before, when I was a very young man. Unfortunately this young girl cheated on me quite a few times and I stupidly put her on a pedestal and didn't believe people when they told me she was doing these things.

I broke my heart then and believe me I was distraught for many years, and although I went out with many lady's I never felt like that again.

Until now, I absolutely adore this lady. My major problem is jealousy. Please believe me that I have never felt this way before and don't know how to control it.

It is the worst feeling in the world and I am ashamed of myself for feeling this way. I feel that I am self destructing. The thought of loosing this special lady is tearing me apart and I will do anything to change. Can somebody please please help me.

[Shaun23]

Hi DJ

 

I had the exact same problem as you a while back. I met this girl (today my fiancè), and we were together for about 2 years when she got feelings for another guy. Nothing happened between the 2 of them, but this killed me inside anyway. As a result of this, I became the most jealouse and possesive guy alive! Because I showed my jealousy and insecurity everytime she would talk about another guy, she started getting mad at me ( I think it was her felling guilty about what had happened though ). I realised I had to change the way I looked at her, and how I handled situations.

 

Even though it is really hard, you have to take that step and force yourself, as soon as you get jealouse, to think of something else, or tell yourself that you are being unreasonable. Every time I got jealouse, I told myself that I am being stupid, and that I should grow up!! Worked for me. You might not realise it, but she might be seing your jealousy and not saying anything. If she has not given you anything to be jealouse about, then she might think that you don't trust her. This could be very damaging to your relationship!!

 

We have now been together for 6 years and are planning to get married next year..

 

Good luck, and keep us posted!!!

[davejohn]

thankyou so much for taking the time to reply with such good advice. I have booked to see a counciler on friday. I will try this method. She is the only person I have let my guard down for for over 20 yrs. I know I must trust her.