i love her but i cant marry her

[dondi0411]

i have been having this live-in relationship with my girlfriend for 13yrs,and it has borne us 4 sons.but even after having 4 sons,i just cannot learn to love her.i know this is unfair to her,and i just cant tell her what i really feel for her,because i dont want to hurt her feelings.we started off in the wrong foot so to speak. now i cant seem to escape from this relationship,and i dont know what to do.i believe i've been a good father and a good partner,im just not happy inside me.any advice would be greatly appreciated...

[Blane151211]

How did it happen that you stayed with her for 13yrs and managed to have 4 sons with her when you don't love her? Why didn't you end it soon during the early stages of the relationship so that at least you both have found the happiness that you both deserve? What do you mean by "we started off in the wrong foot"? How come you can't love her?

[dondi0411]

i got her pregnant out of necessity and not out of love.and because of that,i felt guilty,and it's that guilt that has made me stick with her,and not love.

[vermilion]

I don't know much about long-term relationships, but I think it's only fair that you tell her you don't want to be with her anymore so she can find someone who DOES love her.

[Maverick32x]

explain 'necessity'

[kafka]

i got her pregnant out of necessity and not out of love.

Yes, please explain that, it doesn't make any sense.

 

And then how do you explain the next three?

now i cant seem to escape from this relationship,

What are you afraid of?

[Blane151211]

i got her pregnant out of necessity and not out of love.and because of that,i felt guilty,and it's that guilt that has made me stick with her,and not love.

 

Yeah, please explain "out of necessity"... I don't get it. You said "I felt guilty, and it's that guilt that has made me stick with her, and not love". So you don't want to deal with the "guilt"... you stick with her just so you don't feel "guilty". Forgive me but it is very unfair for her that you sticked with her for that long when you really don't have any intention to love her and you only thought of yourself just because you don't want to deal with the guilt feelings.

[Anna.]

I think he means he got her pregnant and stayed with her out of necessity, not cause he loved her

[Batya33]

Sounds like a convenient excuse to me - your so-called guilty feelings - you were too lazy to leave so you chose to have children with her. Nothing to do with positive values on your part. You've made your bed and your children shouldn't suffer for it. Why not go to marital counseling and see what can be salvaged or leave her so she can find someone to cherish her, make sure you co-parent those kids emotionally and financially - it's not their fault! - and move on.

[Luck of the Irish]

I don't like it, but I can understand having one baby on accident and then you staying with her just for that. But why did you have 3 more? Women are very perceptive. Does she know you don't love her? What are HER feelings on the matter? Love is a hard thing to mistake. Why did she stay with you if the love is one sided?