9 months NC now she's back what do i do

[Perseverance]

Ok I’ll try to keep this short. I dated a girl for about 9 months. During these 9 months this girl lets call Lisa was recovering from a drug addiction. Me and LISA started as friends but grew much much more than that. I knew everything about her and she would tell me everything. I could really get in her head. and bring out her deepest emotions. I fell in love with her and cared about her more than anything in the world. She told me she loved me and cared for me also and that I was the most important person in her life.

 

So I asked LISA if she wanted to get a little more serious with the relationship take it to the next level. She told me no because she wanted to focus on becoming sober. Lisa also told me she didn’t want to start a relationship right now because she had just got out of a 7 year marriage and wanted to see what the dating world was like. So I stepped back let her do her thing she dated a couple of guys but always said I had the job. She always told me about them all and never would hide anything from me. I gave her time but I also loved her so it was starting to really hurt me. I finally had enough and told her it was me and only me or im leaving. So I broke it off with her explained why and we went are ways. NC with her for about 9 months .they where the hardest nine months ever.

 

Anyway during this time LISA suposably found a boyfriend and fell madly in love with him. Until about a month ago. He broke up with her. After that she relapsed and began using drugs again. This is where I come back in the picture. She called me and explained she was in trouble and needed me because im the only person that really understands her. This was the first time I talked with her in9 months. So I told her if she needed me I would be there for her.

 

Two days later she called me to take her to the hospital she overdosed. Well I still love her so I was there in a flash. She was dazed the whole time but while lying there in the bed she held my hand the whole time. Ya it was a mind trip. This was the first time I seen her. I stayed the day with her and when I brought her home it was like I never went away. Except for the physical. Before I left she asked me to be in her life again and cried that she needs me. She said she didn’t want to return to the point we where at previously she just wants me to be her best friend because im the only person who ever understood her. May anser to was her was I needed time to think about it but I would call her every couple days to make sure she was staying sober. On the phone she keeps dropping hints she wants to come over. Also she keeps hinting that she should have never gave me up and made a mistake. She keeps telling me she wants to get together and do something but I keep shrugging it off replying I have plans.

 

Now you know the story a little bit anyway. I need help. I still love her but don’t know what to do. Should I tell her I would rather date her again or try to be her friend? I don’t know if I should come right out and tell her how I feel. I also don’t understand she keeps talking like she made a mistake and im the only person to ever really know her why she just wants me as a friend? Sorry for rambling im not the best writer but if there is someone who can help please.

[mmd]

If you are just her friend you will get hurt, because you will always end up wanting more out of the relationship and the cycle starts over again unless you know you can stay JUST friends with her and be happy.

 

Does she have anyone else? Any close friends that maybe she could go to instead?

 

9 months of NC that is a LONG time, and are you going to let it all go to waste by being friends with her again and just getting hurt, you'll be right back to where you started.

 

I hope for the best. For you.

 

mmd

[itsallgrand]

I don't quite understand what she is asking of you - to just be her friend, or to be her partner?

Do you know or is she giving mixed signals?

 

I can say though that I can see how this is a tough situation for you.

On the one hand, it looks like you two may have something genuinely special. Real caring on a deep level.

On the other hand though, she is in recovery and has slipped. So she is unable to be in full romantic relationship right now - and possibly for a very long time.

 

My very humble opinion in this case, is that even if she were to ask and declare and move towards a physical/romantic relationship with you - you should not do it. It is clear she is not ready, not matter how much she wants to be.

And your poor heart would get a lot of aching and bruising.

 

Let me ask you something: Do you think you could be purely her friend now or ever? You've had time away. I'm sure you've thought about this a lot and searched your heart.

 

And do you think that Lisa is capable of a partnership? Or simply in need of a friend to love her?