How Can I Control My Temper?

[Chibby33]

My fiance left because I lost temper for the first time after 1.5 years of being together. He was the type who kept everything balled in himself and not talk about issues but sulk for days. Anyway I became fed up one night, I stood and threw my lawn chair over the deck. Well the chair's leg gave him arm a nasty cut; I apologized and felt horribly bad but he said he didnt feel safe around me anymore. So he left and broke up with me the next day.

 

The break up was depressing although it also set me free from a high-maintenance relationship. He came into the picture with so many problems and I was there the whole time pulling him out of his issues. He thanked me before he left for all the help I provided and he said that I saved his life.

 

I'm ok now but my concern is the temper and anger I released that night. I have an 8-year old daughter who's been my rock since she was born. But I fear that sometimes I easily lose patience on her when she doesn't listen to me. We pray everynight and I always ask for patience.

 

How should I control my anger? HELP! I want to to change before I get worse.

[WorkNProgress]

Have you always has a temper problem? Have you had one since? The reason I ask because it could of just been him and the situation. I know when I was in a really bad relationship and there was alot of frustration I lost my cool ALOT. I have since that relationship to blow my top like that ever again. Some people can really bring out the worst in a person.

[Stambler]

ZOLOFT - works wonders!!!

[Chibby33]

Have you always has a temper problem? Have you had one since? The reason I ask because it could of just been him and the situation. I know when I was in a really bad relationship and there was alot of frustration I lost my cool ALOT. I have since that relationship to blow my top like that ever again. Some people can really bring out the worst in a person.

 

You are right - the frustration was brought out by my partner. Especially when I do everything. Like the time when I found myself washing the dishes at 11pm while my ex fiance was downstairs in the family room, laying down on the sofa, legs crossed, and watching tv. Ggggrrrr!! So I guess my emotions are normal, it's not like I erupt out of nowhere. Thanks!

[Chibby33]

Did your daughter witness this event?

 

No we were outside on the deck but the thing that made me give up on my fiance twice before was that he likes to look for issues and then sulks for days - I cannot have that kind of atmosphere around my daughter. But she witnessed him packing and leaving. She's tough though. I apologized to her for letting my him enter our lives and mom was not thinking. Her response was "______ who??"

[PrincessJOA]

One thing that helps Chibby, is when you feel like all hell broke loose in your heart and in your head, close your eyes and count to 10. Speaking from experience, it helps, within those 10 counts, you will eased up a little bit. I have anger management issue too, and this piece of advice was given to me by a really good counsellor. It requires patience, loads of them, and initially, it will be hard. But if you're dedicated to change your temper to the better, its not impossible. Like they say, theres a will, theres a way

[schmandy]

I've been told also that certain people will bring out the worst in you. But that's no excuse for violence.

 

Acknowledging that you have a problem is the most important step - the one you've already taken. Realize in the future that you have this fire within you and you have to do whatever it takes to prevent this type of incident. Sometimes you simply have to walk away for a bit. Having passion is a great thing, you just need to learn how to direct it in the right way.

 

I'm sorry, I don't have any fool-proof ways to help - I also have the same problem on occasion (although most of mine involves screaming).

 

There are only two ways you can deal with stress: change the way you think about it or avoid it.

[Chibby33]

One thing that helps Chibby, is when you feel like all hell broke loose in your heart and in your head, close your eyes and count to 10. Speaking from experience, it helps, within those 10 counts, you will eased up a little bit. I have anger management issue too, and this piece of advice was given to me by a really good counsellor. It requires patience, loads of them, and initially, it will be hard. But if you're dedicated to change your temper to the better, its not impossible. Like they say, theres a will, theres a way

 

Thank you Princess. I will start the temper countdown, and perhaps add a flair of "serenity now, serenity now, . . ." I also started to take deep breaths. My doctor did say that I have anxiety attacks. I'd rather not take meds - I prefer challenging my mind and conquering this myself. Well I also noticed that I havent had an explosion since he left. Serenity's here, serenity's here. . .