Received a text from ex on anniversary....

[poetsheart]

After doing nc for over 3 months now, I received a text from the ex, just saying that date would remain special to him and for me to remain myself... that was it!! I have to say it threw me to pieces. I couldn't sleep after it and felt all emotional inside again. No Contact has been the hardest thing for me, taking alot of support and strength to maintain it.. What I really wanted to do was text right back, but I had to remember everything we had gone through and the way he treated me. It is his b'day very soon and it made me re think whether I should text him or not... I had decided no, and I think I'm going to stick with nc... but it just made me re question my decision...

 

It takes so much strength not to contact, and I know alot of people understand what I'm going through here... why do you think he text me for? It has really upset me and I've been trying so hard...

 

I am making an effort to really move on and think positively and really understand now that anyone who loved me would never, ever treat me the way he did.

 

Thanks for listening.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Stay strong.

 

He's trying to manipulate your emotions, don't let him. You can keep going and I think its great you didn't respond.

 

You can do this!

[GottaLetItBurn]

So he can see if he still has some power over you. Maybe you will come back and he can do whatever he wants after acting all nice for the first week.

 

It meant nothing, it's actually sad of him to do something life this. IT is probably tearing him up inside you ignored it. Good job.

 

He will get the message, it hurts worse to be ignored.

[Hope75]

I was thinking the same thing as Gotta.... he's putting out feelers to see if he still has a hold on you. Not a nice thing to do, but perhaps an attempt at an ego boost for himself.

 

If he was a creep to you, let it go, don't respond, don't text for his bday and keep up the NC.

 

It's a setback, but you are still going strong.

[poetsheart]

Thanks guys, I've been trying to keep really strong, it just helps coming here for the support where everyone is so supportive and has really helped me through. I've got to keep strong, I will never be manipulated again, your responses mean alot...

[joyce1412]

oh no! i remember your dilemma about the birthday text, and i thought you made a good decision when you decided not to send it. i'm so sorry he had to come in and do this to you.

 

GREAT job on not replying. that must have been very hard to do what with the way he provoked you.

 

he's probably been feeling a little low or lonely lately, and he wanted to reach out to you for something remotely meaningful. he was probably also feeling nostalgic about the day.

 

and gottaletitburn is SO right about the fact that it's going to bother him you didn't reply. receiving no reply is going to shine a big spotlight on whatever emotions he felt that caused him to send it in the first place, and he's going to feel like a jerk.

[poetsheart]

Hi Joyce,

 

Thanks for your reply and for remembering... I wasn't expecting the text at all and certainly didn't reply. I come to this site for some good advice and the support really helps. Everyone here is fantastic!!! Nc and still going strong!!!!

[joyce1412]

hey, no problem. actually, my ex did something similar to me several months ago, in an email. i thought it was inappropriate, hurtful, and even disrespectful. on the surface, it SOUNDED like it was about me, about us, but it wasn't about me...it was all HIM, and why HE felt badly about breaking up, and honestly, HE was being a damn idiot. i had to look at where he was coming from and take the whole thing with a grain of salt. people say and do really dumb things when they know they've done something wrong, or are lonely, are sad, are afraid. and your ex might be feeling one or all of those things.

 

again, i very much support you in not contacting him, and i think you are doing a splendid job handling it.

[KronicMan]

this reminds me of my story; my ex was ignoring me and then text me on my bday, and then continued to ignore me

[joyce1412]

I guess I may be alone in thinking that the gesture was kind of ... nice??

 

well, taken out of context, that's a nice thing to say to someone. but that's cruel to do to someone who probably still has feelings for you and is still trying to get over you. it was wrong of him to ignore the fact that she is probably still hurting a lot, and doesn't need to have him tugging at her heartstrings.

 

i'm sure he thinks he's doing a nice thing, but his fault lies in the fact that he didn't look at how receiving this might make her feel. and he doesn't have the right to pop in and make such an emotional statement to a person he chose to not be with.

[poetsheart]

Joyce!!! Couldn't have said it better myself.. He chose to disrespect me, take advantage of my kind nature, treat me badly for so long, he did things that no-one would do if they loved me, and then he thinks a text will make it up... no way!!!!!!! He knew exactly how I felt about him, my love was never hidden or a secret, I told him everything while we were together, going strong on nc, even though it's a challenge...

[joyce1412]

yeah, it's amazing what people will try to do to make up for when they screw up. and a cryptic text message? ugh, why? why go there? hopefully he leaves it at that and doesn't try to contact you again. you so don't have time for that!

[joyce1412]

Joyce, Poetsheart,

 

I guess you guys are right.

 

Stay strong, PS!

 

awww, no need for the shame-face, ellie! i can understand why you would find something like that flattering, but as a recipient of a similar message from my ex, i know that that sort of thing is really hard to take. i recognized that somewhere in there was my ex's intent to be kind, but more than anything it made me extremely hurt and depressed, and he definitely should have known better.

[poetsheart]

Joyce, Ellie,

 

You girls are fantastic, I tell you what, being here has helped me so much, especially times like these when the ex does these things to make me re think about whether I should do nc or not, but you know what, I'm sticking to it, even though its hard, nc all the way!!!