The age old "does she like me"...

[Caldus]

i just remembered another thing today.....

 

when you are hanging out with someone, and they like you, they start 'mirroring' your movements. like if you are sitting accross from them having a meal or getting coffee, see if they mirror your movements. Like put your hand to your cheek and see if they do it. then after a few minutes, readjust your seating, and clasp your hands on the table. see if they do that also.

 

if someone likes you, they tend to "mirror" your gestures. I have found this to be accurate many times.

 

Interesante. I will pay attention to that next time.

 

And also, I would look at her a lot while she was driving and I knew that she knew that I was looking at her (because of her subtle smiling). I just though it was cute how she would do that every time. God I just love her personality. She's awesome. Never met any girl as cool as her.

[Lansing]

cool.. yeah, I think it is good that you aren't "overthinking" things anymore because that will go a long way to bring out the real you and make things more comfortable for both of you. I find that usually on the 3rd or 4th date, I sometimes forget what got me to that point to start with and I start analyzing too much

 

I say, just have fun.... The whole worry about "friendzoned", etc I think is over rated.. If a girl is attracted to you, she won't write you off that easy!

[Caldus]

OK, lately there has been a ton of physical contact. But I mean like I said before, I'm enjoying her as a friend so much (I've never really had a friend in my life really now that I've thought about it besides my ex-girlfriend) that I'm not worried or anything. We hung out for the entire day today (12 hours or so) and it was great. At one point we stared into each other's eyes for like I swear like a good 6 or 7 seconds. And at another point she tried to tackle me onto the floor when I was playfully keeping something from her. We talked about my "anxiety" issues a lot today and just opened more in general. It was interesting.

[annie24]

hmm.... sounds like she likes you!!! so..... get to it!

 

and don't tell her *too many* of your issues. you want her to be your gf, not your therapist.

[Lansing]

I can totally relate to what you are saying where you don't want to loose her friendship because you really value it.... I think you are at a good point where you say you don't care if things develop further.... But, if you really DO want them to develop further, I don't see anything wrong with just escalating bit by bit and see what happens/how she reacts!

[heloladies21]

If you want her to just be your friend, that's all fine and well, but honestly the way you talk about her shows you see in her in a different light. And if there's one thing I've learned in studying male female interactions, it's that you can't interchange romantic interest for friendship and vice versa. They're different emotions.

 

I know that you've never been through this before, but I've seen it happen to many other guys. I would hate to see you have interest in this girl, surpress your feelings for a false friendship, always wondering if there could be more between you two. Like playing this internal game of cat and mouse because you weren't sure of what the next move is to make. It prevents you from ever getting over the chick and trying for other girls, and it's time you started getting some real experience with the opposite sex.

[Caldus]

No honestly. She is a great friend. As far as being in a relationship and all ... eh I mean the only thing about her that really gets to me is just how unhealthy she is in general. Like she barely eats, has low self-image (even though I think she looks cute), and is just smokes a ton every day.

 

I understand your concern, but I think I am going to just let things develop naturally. If it's meant to be, then it will happen, right? I think the best relationships stem from great friendships anyhow. For example, I knew my ex for six months as friends before being in a relationship with her.

[HurleyBabe6917]

wait a little bit. you don't want to push it and scare her. give it time, and wait until you don't think you need to question whether it's okay to kiss her or not.

good luck.

[Caldus]

So ... we're kinda together now ... like as in ... in an open relationship now. It's really weird and complicated, but pretty cool. I've never really tried this sort of thing before. We'll see how it goes...

[annie24]

you mean like you are both dating others?

[Caldus]

She isn't yet, but we both agreed that we can see other people if we want to. We both decided that a relationship would be too much for both of us right now. And that we were both cool with this idea and all.

[Lansing]

What?? No details!! You can't do that to us... haha... I want to hear how things developed.. Did you "talk about your feelings" or did you go for a kiss or what?? Come on.. share! Maybe us others can learn

[heloladies21]

You're playing with fire now. I've seen it on this board and in my personal life where a friends with benefits situation leads to an extremely broken heart for the guy.

 

This was a very common test by her. She wanted to see if you were serious about her or not by dangling a FWB. By agreeing, you told her "I'm not serious about you" and trust me, this was noticed. So many guys have tried this method to get the girl to like them enough to go for an all out relationship, but you have already planted the seed of doubt and that is too big of a hole to crawl out of.

 

Typical outcome, both of you have a lot of fun for a while, no string attached until one day, girl gets fed up and looks for a guy who she can be serious about, and once this happens, guy realizes how attached he became to her and gets slapped emotionally. This is the expected result, especially because you don't have a lot of experience with women and don't get a lot of attention from them.

 

You have obviously developed some feelings for her already, but are just playing it all wrong by hiding your true emotions from her. If your feelings didn't run so deep, this thread would not have existed, let alone be 7 pages and counting.

[annie24]

i think heloladies has a good point. I was kind of thinking something similar but didn't quite know how to say it....

 

I think that it is cool if you are dating "casually" for a few weeks, but I think it is perhaps a mistake to continue dating casually if you really want more and don't want to date other girls.

 

I don't know - I am not you or this girl, my perspective is very different. I'm not quite so good with casual dating, but I know plenty of people who are.

 

so.... I don't know.... in a few weeks or a month or so, you may want to see if the "open relationship" is working for you, or if you want to take things a step further, or a step back.

 

we are pulling for you!

[Caldus]

Perhaps I should explain everything a lot more clearly...

 

So we hung out for a while on Saturday night. Just chilling out as usual. Later in the night, when her roommate went in her room, we decided to go into the other room where we won't disturb her from sleeping. We were both laying on her bed just talking as usual. All of the sudden, she offered me to sleep with her on the bed (platonically). Talked some more and one thing led to another. At some point I expressed my feelings for her. She and I went outside so she could smoke her cigarette. She was mentioning how she is attracted to me and that I am attracted to her. She seemed to not be 100% sure about it all though because she is used to dating guys much taller than her.

 

While on the balcony, she all of the sudden randomly kissed me on the cheek. And then I kissed her back, started making out, cuddling, etc. For the rest of the night she kept exclaiming how weird it all was and not sure what to do about it. We were both hugging and kissing each other on the bed while we were both exclaiming "I don't knooooow...". It was kinda funny if you step back from it all.

 

The next day we decided to do an open-relationship of sorts. Basically, whenever we both feel like it, we will be sexual with each other. Otherwise, we have established some ground rules such as we are both allowed to date other people, allowed to express what we feel like doing that day, and we have to communicate well about it. It's all kind of weird I guess.

 

Learning more about her though, I can see that she is not really relationship material. Or at least what I am thinking right now is that I am going to get my heart broken if I get too attached to her. Her views on love seem to be quite apathetic compared to mine. She doesn't to take it all too seriously. Which in one way I like and in another way I hate. I really don't know. I have mixed feelings about the whole relationship thing. I would be up for dating her, but she didn't seem sure about it.

 

Anyhow, yes I will admit, I am inexperienced with women. But I mean hey, whatever makes us two happy right?

[heloladies21]

Then take it from my experience, this is a bad idea and if you end up with the broken heart in the end (which is inevitable), you'll have no one to blame but yourself.

 

Your feelings already run somewhat deep. If not, then you wouldn't be posting about her the way that you do, let alone posting about her at all. You are setting yourself up for pain by not making up your mind as to whether or not to pursue this.

 

You have feelings for her. You should act that way. Do not accept the open relationship. Only accept a real relationship. If she's not on board, then there's nothing left to talk about. Anything else is a bunch of psychological game playing which is essentialy a bunch of BS.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

Her views on love seem to be quite apathetic compared to mine. She doesn't to take it all too seriously. Which in one way I like and in another way I hate. I really don't know. I have mixed feelings about the whole relationship thing. I would be up for dating her, but she didn't seem sure about it.

 

Anyhow, yes I will admit, I am inexperienced with women. But I mean hey, whatever makes us two happy right?

 

You know, I once had an ex-boyfriend that had very apathetic feelings on love as well. He pretty much said he would never be in love and to not get my hopes up. Turns out he came around eventually, I'm sure she will too.

 

So don't withdraw too quickly from something that may really work out with this girl Caldus. It would be a sha,me to see that happen.

[Caldus]

You know, I once had an ex-boyfriend that had very apathetic feelings on love as well. He pretty much said he would never be in love and to not get my hopes up. Turns out he came around eventually, I'm sure she will too.

 

So don't withdraw too quickly from something that may really work out with this girl Caldus. It would be a sha,me to see that happen.

 

I think you're correct actually. I will just go with the flow and see what happens.

[heloladies21]

You know, I once had an ex-boyfriend that had very apathetic feelings on love as well. He pretty much said he would never be in love and to not get my hopes up. Turns out he came around eventually, I'm sure she will too.

 

So don't withdraw too quickly from something that may really work out with this girl Caldus. It would be a sha,me to see that happen.

#1 guys and girls think differently. To ignore this is to ignore the truth and #2 he is an ex-bf so obviously things didn't work out in the end. If you dumped him, then this very much had an impact. If he dumped you, then he was never sold on you and this was a pretty clear sign.

 

To you Caldus, I know exactly what's going through your head right now, but relationships don't work this way. You just don't ease into falling in love with someone. Very early in the interaction with a chick, you set the direction things head in, and the way you have it, you have developed strong feelings for someone who thinks you truly don't care about her and this = you having your heart broken and you getting dumped sometime down the road.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

#1 guys and girls think differently. To ignore this is to ignore the truth and #2 he is an ex-bf so obviously things didn't work out in the end. If you dumped him, then this very much had an impact. If he dumped you, then he was never sold on you and this was a pretty clear sign.

 

It was more along the lines of inside advice, seeing as how Cladus is the ex I was referring to.

 

And he dumped me

[Lansing]

OH man! I didn't see that coming!!

 

This story gets more interesting

 

(btw, I think you are better off without him as you really do deserve someone who is totally into you!)

[heloladies21]

It was more along the lines of inside advice, seeing as how Cladus is the ex I was referring to.

 

And he dumped me

Well that's a twist. But honestly, he either denied his true feelings for you (which I suspect) or he was never that into you. Either way, the signs were there, but no need to stress it. He's just setting himself to make the same mistake again.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

OH man! I didn't see that coming!!

 

This story gets more interesting

 

(btw, I think you are better off without him as you really do deserve someone who is totally into you!)

 

Me or caldus?

 

Caldus and I separated in May, and since then have both found new interests. Theres nothing but friendship there.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

Well that's a twist. But honestly, he either denied his true feelings for you (which I suspect) or he was never that into you. Either way, the signs were there, but no need to stress it. He's just setting himself to make the same mistake again.

 

Haha, don't worry I was just saying I know Caldus pretty well and so I can understand where he's coming from here.

 

And sometimes good things blossom where you least expect it, which is why I encourage him seeing where this goes. However you are right to say that he shouldn't get too attached due to her wanting it to be a non-attached open relationship.

[heloladies21]

Haha, don't worry I was just saying I know Caldus pretty well and so I can understand where he's coming from here.

 

And sometimes good things blossom where you least expect it, which is why I encourage him seeing where this goes. However you are right to say that he shouldn't get too attached due to her wanting it to be a non-attached open relationship.

The problem, whether he admits it or not, is he is already very much attached to her.