The Cruel Society in which we dwell.

[valenski]

Just thought I'd start this thread after reading a post by lostsoul26 so feel free to add your two cents. I've been a part of the "it" social group and a social out cast, held a lot of labels, like cool, nice, fat, ugly, geek even stupid but I never let it get to me and I've made and lost many friends along the way. Right now I don't care what group society wants to throws me in, why, because I know who I am and I know what I want. I never understood why someone would get depressed about what other say about them until recently (foolish of me), now I am much more sensative of the impact our society has on us and how peers can be the tormenters of our soul. When I used to tell my friends I was a virgin, they would laugh and say I don't know what I'm missing but I'd just ask "if I don't know what I'm missing then what does it matter?" I know most people don't have the same constitution that I have now and cant handle the harshness of their society like I do but I wasn't always like this, I used to be a cry baby, then I learned to toughen up and if I can do so can anyone else. No doubt its hard to ignore mean words from the social group you want to be a part of but if that's the way they treat you then why do you want to be a part of it? I know its much more complicated than this so if anyone has any insight please feel free to comment.

[stopit]

Right now I don't care what group society wants to throws me in, why, because I know who I am and I know what I want.

 

That's a very mature understanding of yourself. But it's not like you pop out from the womb with that mentality. It takes years bordering on decades after childhood to be secure enough with yourself to not care about what other people think. Adolescents are fragile, still discovering who they are, trying to meet society's expecations while experimenting around with new things. They require vast amounts of validation and reassurance in order to grow and thrive. Rejection (bullying, being labelled as a geek or loser, etc.) just undermines all the hard work required to establish that.

 

Eventually you realize, through experience and time (scientists attribute a large part of it to the development of the prefrontal cortex, which only reaches its full mature status at 22-23 yrs of age) that other people's opinions are immaterial to your happiness (but it still does have significant sway in your self esteem, no matter how confident you may feel; if the whole world ganged up on you, it would be amazingly difficult not to succumb and feel worthless).

 

After you attain that status and achieve a sense of identity that is independent (to a certain extent) of the opinions of others, you tend to forget or minimize the struggle that you went through to establish it.

 

I learned to toughen up and if I can do so can anyone else. No doubt its hard to ignore mean words from the social group you want to be a part of but if that's the way they treat you then why do you want to be a part of it?

 

First of all, not everyone can. Some people remain insecure and worrisome in their adulthood. Secondly, it takes a long, hard journey to get there.

 

Sometimes you really don't have any other choice but to be apart of the group that taunts you. It's really circumstantial. And some people just need to prove to themselves that they are worthy of the attention of their critiques/enemies.

[RelaxByWater84]

I know what you mean but early on in life no one knew where to put. I do not have a group. I was considered a silent floater. I'm one of the few lucky ones. Part of me thinks that I would like being in a group, but then I wouldn't be myself. Hope this is what you are talking about.