kellbell Posted December 1, 2006 Share Posted December 1, 2006 I know it hard emotionally. Most certainly. I was in that place last year with my ex whom I was with for 4 years. I knew I was miserable and needed to move on but it was hard to. Nothing about moving on is easy. I guess you have to reach your breaking point. Link to comment
Momene Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 I've learned the hard way that life is too short to spend in unsatisfactory relationships. If you don't have any ties, it's simple: you don't have to stay because you are worried about being alone or hurting the person. Question on the holiday thing: didn't you have any plans to go away together, which I thought was the more normal thing for couples to do on holiday? Link to comment
bigheart09 Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 ycmanvs, let me know how your weekend went. Did you see your bf at the party? Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted December 4, 2006 Author Share Posted December 4, 2006 ok...so on friday he texted me to ask what time he should come over so we could go to the party....i said 9 pm....he was on time....the party went ok...then around midnight, his friend from work started to insist that we go into town to go dancing...i told them that i wanted to spend some time with my boyfriend since i had not seen him all week and that since we were at the party with all my friends, i was happy to remain at the party...my boyfriend actually decided to stay with me at the party and we had a good time... anyway, we'll see how this week goes. Link to comment
bigheart09 Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 Did you guys talk at all about why he hasnt talked to you this week? Well, I went out with my bf on Saturday for dinner and a movie. Things went really well. I am not sure what is going to happen in the future, but I have decided that I am just going to go day by day with this. I am not going to put all my eggs in one basket, though. I cannot and will not go through this kind of emotional rollercoaster again!! Link to comment
kellbell Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 Hang in there ladies! Glad you both made it through the weekend okay. Link to comment
bigheart09 Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 Thanks kellbell!! I appreciate your support. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted December 4, 2006 Author Share Posted December 4, 2006 thanks...all the explanation i got was that he was gaming all week and figured he'd call me on friday....as far as the holidays are concerned, we are going to a couple of parties and family events... i guess my main problem is that i don't feel like he is 100% into me....i feel like he is keeping his options open....and his priorities are messed up.... anyway...i am also trying to take it one day at a time. Link to comment
bigheart09 Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 Well, then you should keep your options open too. Link to comment
Momene Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 Well, then you should keep your options open too. I agree and give it 3 months to see if you feel any better. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted December 5, 2006 Author Share Posted December 5, 2006 considering how much stuff i have to focus on right now, such as the BAR exam....i do not think that i will be getting on any emotional rollercoasters in the next 3 months....i just hope that my boyfriend respects me enough to not do anything "bad" until then....or ever again (i can dream right?) Link to comment
bigheart09 Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 Yes, please focus on your BAR..that is what is most important. Whatever happens with your relationship, good or bad, you have to be able to be happy with yourself. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted December 12, 2006 Author Share Posted December 12, 2006 what would you do if your significant other started hanging out with your friends and did not tell you about it until after the fact? -i am studying for the bar exam, so i stopped drinking about 5 months ago because i wanted to have as many brain cells as possible...anyway, this does not mean that i do not enjoy going out...it just means that i go out less and i study more... unfortunately, what has started happening is that my friends and my boyfriend are now making plans without me...which is really getting on my nerves and interfering with my studying!!! (these are the same friends, btw, that say they want me to break up with him because they don't really like him).... what would you do? Link to comment
bigheart09 Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 Hey, why dont you talk to your friends about this? Is he calling them to make plans or vice versa? Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted December 15, 2006 Author Share Posted December 15, 2006 well...tonight is friday night and he told me that he does not want to get together, even though i told him that i'd like to have a date night tonight...he said he'd do something with me tomorrow....although he said he had no plans yet for tonight....it makes me wonder what is going on....plus his ex is calling him because he sent her an email to wish her Happy Birthday last week....the whole thing is ridiculous...i am not an insecure person....i am going out tonight without him...i am just wondering what is going on in his head when he makes the choices that he does? Link to comment
kellbell Posted December 15, 2006 Share Posted December 15, 2006 Hey there, He is going to continue to hurt you because you put up with it. As long as you stay in this relationship with it, you are condoning his behavior. I for one, one would not tolerate my boyfriend sending birthday wishes to an ex as he would not for me either. As far as plans for tonight, well...a couple does not have to spend every night together, but I can see why you are bothered by this. I guess this begs the question, how long are you going to put up with this? I understand you are busy, trying to pass the bar and so forth but it is time to stop making excuses and treat yourself right girl! You deserve to be happy, to be treated with respect and love. Don't you think you deserve those things? Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted December 15, 2006 Author Share Posted December 15, 2006 of course i deserve them. my problem is not with self-esteem or with space or seeing someone every day.....my problem is with understanding the other person's motivation...i have a very good relationship with my ex's and i do talk to most of them and say Happy Birthday to them....i also introduce them to my boyfriend and have no romantic feelings towards them...however, i do not think that the same is true of my boyfriend's feeling towards his ex. anyway, i will break up with him when i feel that there is no way of making things work...right now, i am just confused about what he wants/needs... i am very easy going....probably too easy going....when we first met i told him that i was not looking for a relationship and i had no problem with him seeing other people....after a year, i told him that i was ready for a relationship and gave him an ultimatum....i was ready to walk away from him....he said he wanted to be with me and just me....so now it's 1.5 years later and he does not understand how i can be upset because i want some quality time with him...i do not want to see him every day...and i don't....but i doubt that wanting to have concrete plans for a friday night...or saturday night...a few days in advance is too much to ask... he seems to let things go until the last minute...that is who he is....indecisive and procrastinating.... Link to comment
kellbell Posted December 15, 2006 Share Posted December 15, 2006 Hey there, "he seems to let things go until the last minute...that is who he is....indecisive and procrastinating...." Okay, so this is who he is...BUT is this something you had in mind for an ideal partner? Qualities you want in a person? A procrastinator, a man whom cannot make up his mind? Are these qualities unattractive to you? Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted December 21, 2006 Author Share Posted December 21, 2006 i told him that i need time to study and that being on an emotional roller coaster is not an option...he seems to have understood what i need...at least for now...i told him that i could only see him on weekends and that i needed a few days advance notice so that i could arrange my schedule...so i am not going to worry about him or the relationship until i pass the bar exam... Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted January 2, 2007 Author Share Posted January 2, 2007 New Year's Eve was fascinating. My bf got very drunk and proceeded to tell me how much he loves me for my mind and how compatible we are mentally, but that physically he is not satisfied. Once again, I had to remind him that I have to study and work full time and that in a couple of months, when I will have some free time...things will be more "romantic"... Of course, the next day, he had forgotten everything he had said to me... Link to comment
bigheart09 Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 ycmanvs, Happy New Year. How are things going with you? Is your relationship getting better? Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted January 5, 2007 Author Share Posted January 5, 2007 it's friday night. i am going home to study. i asked my boyfriend if he is coming over tonight to visit me. he said "maybe" but he would prefer to stay at his place if we are not going out. (he lives an hour away from my house on the T, but only 20 minutes by car...i do not have a car but he does) i already explained to him that until March 1st, i am not going out unless it's a very special occasion, like a birthday or a concert, so if he wants to visit, he can...as long as he lets me know in advance...so i can plan accordingly... he still cannot tell me if he is visting tonight or not and it's already friday afternoon. i told him that it's fine with me if he would rather do something else tonight because i need to study....he just can't make up his mind...so he is either the most selfish person....or the most indecisive person.... I DO NOT NEED PEOPLE LIKE THAT IN MY LIFE !!! Link to comment
Momene Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 If you don't need people like him, dump him. It may be hard but it'll be worth it. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted January 12, 2007 Author Share Posted January 12, 2007 i am slowly phasing him out. actions speak louder than words. he goes out every other night with his friends. he cannot decide "when and if" he wants to see me on weekends. i told him that i have to take care of myself. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now